Tiffany’s story, part 2
January 25, 2008 | interviews
Suzie: Let’ s pick up where we left off yesterday. You said that called several abortion clinics, but you didn’t want to go through with it. What made you decide to make the appointment?
Tiffany: Fear. Fear of losing John’s love. Fear of being a single mom. Fear of never being love by another man because I had someone else’s child. Fear of being judged by others. Fear of all the “what-if’s.”
Also, I felt pressured to decide quickly. I hated the thought of a heart beating or arms and legs moving around. A growing baby was more than I could handle. If I was going to act, it had to be fast.
Suzie: I want to be sensitive with this part, Tiffany. I know it’s hard for you and for others, regardless of what they believe about abortion, but we are often told that abortion is easy. Is it?
Tiffany: No. No. No. This is what amazes me. Nothing about removing a tiny life from inside of you is easy. The thoughts, sounds, and visions of the experience stay with you. Even if you mentally block it out, abortion finds its way out through post-abortion syndrome(PAS). Symptoms like guilt, depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, eating disorders, alcohol or substance abuse, self punishment, or feeling “numb.”
Suzie: You say that this affected your relationship with the guy that you loved. Can you explain that?
Tiffany: I no longer saw John through my lens of love. I hated the fact that abortion was his brilliant idea to our problem. I felt like a murderer. I couldn’t believe if John really loved me he would choose abortion. He no longer was my Mr. Romantic Nice Guy. He was selfish. Heartless.
Suzie: A lot of times believers point out what is wrong, like abortion, but can we look at this another way. What can we do to help a twentysomething who is pregnant? What can we do to encourage the mom who doesn’t want to go through
abortion, but feels like it is the only option?
Tiffany: Abortion is never the only option. I know it’s hard when it feels like is it though. I suggest talking to a pregnancy counselor. Or visiting a pro-life pregnancy center for a free ultrasound. Seeing the baby and hearing the heartbeat helps many moms choose life. If it’s a financial issue, these centers often help with formula, diapers, and even parenting classes. There are volunteer mentor moms who will walk through the pregnancy with you and into the baby’s first year. Adoption is another option.
And always pray. Ask God for strength. Be honest about your pain and fears. Ask someone you trust to pray for you. E-mail me, I’ll pray.
Suzie: For a long time, you didn’t share this story. Why is that?
Tiffany: Shame. I felt like I committed the unforgivable sin. I felt evil and alone. Especially around other Christians, I hid my secret. I felt like they would shun me, gossip, or say hurtful things to me.
I really hoped to move on and forget about the whole ordeal, but I couldn’t. The truth had to come out for me to find healing. Secrets have a way of slithering out years later.
Suzie: What if someone is reading this today, and they’ve had an abortion? What is one thing that you would want to say them?
Tiffany: You are not alone. God knows your pain. He sees your tears. God still loves you. He forgives you the moment you ask. And He forgets.
Your child waits for you in heaven. He or she loves you and forgives you.
Suzie: You say that it is important that we receive God’s unconditional love. I believe that. But I also know that some who aren’t Christians who struggle with that concept. Can you explain it?
Tiffany: Knowing Jesus died in my place and yours while we were sinners amazes me. I’ve tried other ways to satisfy the longings of my heart for acceptance and attention, but God’s love has proved to be my lasting answer. Knowing I am loved and forgiven has helped me fend off lies, shame, and self hatred.
Suzie: What is your story now? How has knowing Jesus changed your story?
Tiffany: Oh my, that is the heartbeat of my life now. Knowing Christ’s love has made me feel like a real person again. Spending time with Him in the Word helped me to believe that I am loved, forgiven, even chosen. I’m a child of God, one He calls, “Daughter.” Not some murderer like I used to feel like. I no longer believe God is a punishing God. He’s a redeeming God.
God is my safe place to hide. I tuck all my secrets in His pockets. I love to journal my prayers. I believe God hears me and accepts me no matter what. He’s the reason I can talk freely about my past. I know that I am completely forgiven and loved.
Suzie: You are a writer. What else do you do?
Tiffany: I’m a wife (married to Derek for almost 17 years) and a mom of my fourteen-year-old son and ten-year-old daughter. I enjoy watching Justin play football and basketball. I love seeing Hannah dance and listening to her play piano. I’m the typical carpool mom, driving from one place to the next.
I love to blog, read, pray, have coffee with friends, belly laugh, decorate, dig in my garden, shop at thrift stores, and encourage others.
I’m currently writing a book Naked and Unashamed about freedom from shame. Lord willing, I will start speaking on this topic to women this year.
Suzie: Are there any great resources for people who are trying to figure out what they believe about abortion? Are there any for women or teens who have had an abortion and feel like you once did?
Tiffany:
http://www.heartlink.org/hottopics/
http://www.optionline.org/contact.html
Francine Rivers wrote a fiction book dealing with abortion called The Atonement Child. I found it so reassuring that my feelings were normal.
Suzie: Thanks, Tiffany, for allowing us such an honest glimpse into this chapter of your life. I appreciate you.
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