Interview w/author of Broken Heart on Hold
April 8, 2008 | family, interviews
Linda W. Rooks is the author of Broken Heart on Hold, a book for women separated from their husbands. I interviewed Linda and this is what she had to say. . .
Suzie: I haven’t seen many Christian books dealing with the issue of separation. What prompted you to write this book?
Linda: This book came from my own experience. My husband and I were separated for three years back in the nineties. It was a heart-wrenching, lonely time. I needed emotional and spiritual support, but didn’t know where to find it. I went to Christian bookstores looking for a devotional book that was gutsy and real enough to help me through this devastating time, but I found nothing that would help.
Most devotional books seemed kind of light and just didn’t get down into the deep issues of pain I was experiencing. I wanted something that could stop the bleeding and heal the wounds of rejection and confusion. I found some self-help books with helpful suggestions, but when you are in such pain, you just can’t emotionally persevere to the point where you can do what they say to do.
So, without the tangible resources I needed, when I went through an issue of some kind, I ended up sitting down at my computer and writing about my feelings, fears, doubts, and struggles until God brought me to a place of peace. I did this over and over.
After my husband and I reconciled three years later, I went to my computer to see what I had written and saw that I had made over forty of these entries. I showed them to my husband and to a well-published writer, and they both felt that what I had written could help others. These entries became the basis of Broken Heart on Hold.
When I discovered later that there are almost 5 million people who are separated, I realized that putting these into a book really could help others.
Suzie: If someone has a friend who is separated from her husband, what can she do for her friend during that difficult time?
Linda: That is an excellent question.
What she needs most is someone who will listen and not judge her and not try to tell her what to do; someone who will understand that she is probably on an emotional roller-coaster and will undoubtedly be completely inconsistent in what she feels and what she thinks she wants. Let her know you care. Give her hope.
There are also some specific ways you can encourage her. One of my friends gave me some of the best advice I ever got during that time. She told me to put my spouse on “the back burner” and focus on myself and what God has to say to me. This is the number one thing to encourage her to do – to focus on God instead of focusing on her spouse. Otherwise, she can become obsessed and consumed by the apparent hopelessness of her situation.
The second important thing is to encourage her to give it time and not make hasty decisions from a place of pain. One of 
the purposes of Broken Heart on Hold is to help a woman (or man) find emotional and spiritual healing so they can get to a place where they can listen to God and make sound decisions. When you make decisions in the midst of your pain, you usually don’t make good decisions.
Finally, encourage her to trust God for the answers, read the Bible, and see what God might be telling her. And, of course, I recommend that her friend give her a copy of Broken Heart on Hold as well. This book really does become a friend to her. I have had an amazing number of readers tell me that they carry the book with them everywhere they go. Some sleep with it. Most of them tell me they read it two or three times.
Suzie: What doesn’t help?
I am so glad you asked this. Most people who haven’t gone through a separation or a difficult marital crisis themselves and seen their marriage restored, can’t imagine how you can actually get through it and get your marriage back together. And when it looks hopeless to them, they transfer this feeling of hopelessness to their friend. Most of us want to see our friend happy. We care about our friend, and because we can’t imagine how our friend could actually reconcile with her spouse, we end up encouraging her on the road to divorce.
So don’t let your goal simply be that you want your friend to be happy and feel good. Realize that God can work in hopeless situations and bring healing. If you have been divorced yourself, be careful what you say that might be discouraging. Don’t let any bitterness you might harbor leak out onto her.
But don’t avoid her. She needs support. Too many people avoid a person who is separated because they don’t know what to do. If nothing else, at least call her up every so often and listen to her.
Suzie: You and your husband reconciled. What if that isn’t possible? Is this still a good resource?
Linda: Yes, because the purpose of the book is to bring emotional and spiritual healing. Even
divorced people have read it and told me that it helped them work through a lot of painful issues, which allowed them to find peace and healing and closure.
Because the book is written in short segments, like a devotional book, it is easy to read and digest. A person in pain can grab hold of one little nugget of truth and hope and let it sink in. When we’re in pain, it’s sometimes hard to concentrate on long passages.
Suzie: If someone is reading this interview today and they are separated, what would you say to them?
Linda: I would tell them to not make hasty decisions about their situation. Give God time to work. Even when it looks completely hopeless, there is hope. God is a God of miracles. My husband and I now lead a marriage reconciliation class at our church, and we see miraculous turnarounds in marriages every time we lead it. And I don’t mean just one or two miracles; I mean lots of miracles.
The most important thing to do is put your focus on God and let him show you what changes he’d like to make in “you.” And realize that feelings can change. Your feelings can change, and your spouse’s feelings can change. What you or your spouse feels today might be completely different from what you or he feels six months from now. People have a hard time believing this, but I assure you, it’s true.
Suzie: Are there any other resources other than your book that might be helpful?
Linda: Yes. There are a couple of great programs out there that can help people who are separated. Also, since people who are separated are sometimes dealing with other issues as well, there are some books I recommend for certain specific situations.
Two programs that are excellent are Retrouvaille and Marriage 911 (formerly called Reconciling God’s Way). Links to these two programs can be found on my website, brokenheartonhold.com. Retrouvaille is an international program and Retrouvaille weekends are held all over the country, in almost every location. Marriage 911 classes are held in a number of churches around the U.S., but are not as plentiful.
My husband and I presently lead a Marriage 911 course in our church and have found it very effective. One of its unique qualities is that a person can attend with or without their spouse. But even if a person can’t find a Marriage 911 class near them, they can order the workbook and work with a support partner. Also, Joe and Michelle Williams, the couple who developed the program wrote a book called Yes, Your Marriage Can Be Saved, which expands on the principles in the Marriage 911 course and would be helpful to a person who is separated.
In terms of books, if it looks like someone is dealing with a mid-life crisis, I recommend Men in Mid-Life Crisis by Jim Conway. If infidelity is part of the picture, I recommend Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome by Nancy C. Anderson and Unfaithful by Gary and Mona Shriver. For control issues, I recommend Boundaries in Marriage by Cloud and Townsend.
Suzie: Thanks, Linda, for joining us today!
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