I’m hungry
May 15, 2008 | faith
Sometimes I feel a million miles away from God.
Suz, you’re in ministry. How does that happen?
I know He is there. I know what I believe, and where to turn. It’s just that I move through my days, taking care of details, and little by little that intimacy subsides.
This morning I was taking care of life — cleaning the house, writing my to-list:
- Make flight arrangements to North Carolina – √
- Update blogs
- Tidy the house – √
- Make an outline for upcoming speaking engagement
- Update calendar – √
- Write one chapter of new fiction book
And in the middle of that, I felt a tug. A familiar and gentle nudge.
I stopped in the middle of my preparations and slipped in a CD, turning off the noise of Kelly and Regis. I went to a back bedroom and knelt in the shadows.
It was only a few moments, and I would love to say that the million miles that I felt disappeared, but instead I knew that I was where I needed to be at the moment. In spite of what I felt. In spite of what I needed to do. There was a hunger inside of me that could only be filled by my relationship with God.
Jesus replied, I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry again. Whoever believes in me will never be thirsty. John 6:35
Jesus was talking to people who had seen the miracle of feeding thousands with five barley loaves and a few fish. They wanted him to be King. They wanted him to perform more miraculous acts. Instead he offered them relationship.
In verse 37, Jesus goes on to say, “Those the Father has given me will come to me, and I will never reject them.”
And that is where the million miles diminishes as I realize it’s not about feelings, or my to-do list, but rather about a Savior who is the bread of life.
And I go to him.
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Oh, how I relate!
But in my culture of easily affordable food on every corner, “Hungry” doesn’t convey the depth of desire and need I feel. Even “in the ministry,” I find the shadows of God’s wings, the fellowship of both his sufferings and joys, and the passion of his presence much more desirable than seeking to serve him. The ministry, service, and loving others is simply the overflow of my dining on his bread and water that always leaves me, oddly enough, both completely satisfied and insatiably longing for more.
A confession of a preacher’s wife – I just can’t quit my Jesus!
Thanks for the post. Back to the grind
May 15th, 2008 at 12:56 pmRobin
Wow. I love this. I actually stopped everything else I was doing to read this. Great stuff. I followed the link from your Facebook post. You have a great blog.
Looking forward to reading more,
Debbie
May 15th, 2008 at 10:38 pmI hear ya sister! Lately, it’s been like the song “so close, yet so far away” We’ve been communicating, or maybe I’ve just been asking for things(?) but I’ve not taken the time to just sit at His feet. My brain is going in so many directions right now. Which is probably why I should just stop and be still in His presence for awhile. Which is what I think I’ll do. I’ve got about 15 min. before I need to hit the shower. So, here I come Lord!
May 16th, 2008 at 9:16 amHi Robin, Isn’t it amazing how those in ministry find themselves the most hungry, but surrounded by the most “food”. I am preparing a presentation for a conference, and the last point was for me–more than anyone else.
*Remember that working for God doesn’t equate with time spent with God.
Debbie, thanks for your comment. It’s nice to see you here!
And Ms. Lisa, you are amazing. I’ve loved hanging out with you in the small group for writers and speakers. Your story is powerful and I can’t wait to see it get in the hands of other moms with special needs children. I appreciate you!
May 16th, 2008 at 9:40 amLove the new site, suz! it looks great.
May 17th, 2008 at 4:49 pmI just got a new one myself so I realize how much work is involved, even when you’re not the designer!
Loved this post–yeah, how often we’re so busy feeding others that we forget to nourish our own souls.
blessings!