Why should I go to church?
July 27, 2008 | community
Twenty-five years ago I walked through the doors of a new church and I puked on their green carpet.
How’s that for an entrance?
I had 11-month old Leslie on my hip. I was 6 weeks pregnant with twins and in the yuk stage. (I even had a hand signal I used. If I put up one finger and then rolled it in the air, it meant “pull over fast”; I was going to hurl.)
We had just moved and I was a little in awe of visiting the new church. I didn’t know anyone, and this was in my shyer stage of life. It was a large church. I had dressed up. I had my “I really want to make new friends” smile on.
When I chucky-cheesed on the carpet, it was right after a late entrance. Service was in full swing. It was a nice intro, sort of a ”Hi, I’m Suzie Eller and I’m looking for a church family. Sorry about the little mess on your carpet.”
How did I handle it? I gently turned and slipped out of the sanctuary and into the parking lot, and made a quick exit to my home.
I didn’t even clean up my mess.
Two weeks later my baby girl was going through a difficult surgery. The pastor showed up. He prayed for Leslie and comforted us.
And then he brought it up. “I understand you are the young lady that visited us last week.”
“Um, yeah, about that. I’m sorry. I was so embarrassed I bolted out of there.”
He laughed. “We hope you come back.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
And we did. My twins just turned 25, so we’ve hung around for a long time. The carpet has changed. The pastor has changed — twice. And I’ve changed from the 23-year-old girl that first tentatively walked through the doors of the “big church” to a 48-year-old who considers this my extended family.
Last Sunday I was sitting in the sanctuary and I studied the church. Not the nice building or our M1A Cafe or the Discipleship wing. But the people.
Many that were there that fateful day 25 years ago still attend. Some have passed on. Others left because they moved, or maybe they found another church family. But as years have passed I’ve gained so much from many of these friends.
They were the first to wrap around us when I found out I had cancer at 31. Barbie cleaned my house. Robin took my kids to the movie. Kent mowed our yard.
They were there when Ryan was hit by a drunk driver. They brought us food. They cheered when he was released in the wheelchair, and again when he walked with a cane, and again when he started to walk and then run. Some slipped us cash to help with the overwhelming medical bills.
They cheered us on when Richard started a new journey as a full-time student, and they encourage me all the time. “Suz, when’s a new book coming out?” or “We are praying for you. Let us know when you’ll be on the road!”
I looked over the choir. Sarah. Darrin. Lisa. Ronnie.
Denise, who overcame alcoholism and who prays for one of my loved ones.
Lisa, who brought four books from me today to give to friends. She’s already bought several.
Jason, our youth pastor, who is amazing with teens, but also a pretty amazing friend to Richard and me.
I could go on. But as I sat there I realized something. Sometimes I can get a little cynical about the “church” as a whole – Are they teaching God’s word? Do they feed the hungry? Why did that person say that?
It’s easy to do. In this culture the church is analyzed, criticized, and we make costly mistakes that confuse people from the outside looking in so it’s easy to get hypersensitive.
But there’s balance.
It’s okay to question, but first let it be my own heart and motivations. I need to see the church in its entirety. The people who live out their faith every day in small and large ways, like my friends.
As I sat in the sanctuary listening to the music, it seemed like a million years since that shy girl made a grand entrance–and in a way it is. A quarter of a century is a long, long time. And what an amazing gift this has been.
Sometimes when I speak to teens or twentysomethings, they question why they should get involved in a church. “Can’t I do the same thing in my home?” “I don’t like structured religion.” “Is it really important?” “What about the hypocrites?”
All valid points and I love that they are asking the harder questions.
But having a church family allows you to pour in to others, to have support, to worship together, to work with others in the community or overseas, to lean on a friend or let them lean on you, to pray together, to sharpen each other, to give grace when they aren’t perfect or you fall short. . .
There are–and never will be–a perfect church because it’s filled with imperfect people (like me), but it can be a family, and that’s priceless.
The teens have been talking about friendship at Real Teen Faith all month. If you want to check out Jamin Goecker’s devo on friendship, click here.
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Thank you. I needed to read this today. We moved a year and a half ago and lost some “family”, in a church that was mostly dysfunctional family. But it was OUR dysfunctional family.
Our new church is huge, but we’re getting to know people. Slowly. I miss my church family. Thank you.
July 28th, 2008 at 11:16 amUmm…we’re in the searching stage for a new church home. Our church of 600 mushroomed into 7,000 within five years; it’s hard to find the original flock. A seeker-friendly church is great: Starbucks, stadium seating, eight screens (for the nosebleed section), and opportunities galore. Don’t get me wrong, the growth is evidence of God working and doing amazing things, but I long for the days when the pastor knew our name, our kids’ names, and even our birthdays! Growth comes with a price.
Great post, Suz!
July 28th, 2008 at 11:37 amHey Flea and Connie,
It’s hard when you miss what you’ve had. You’ve both known great and close church families. Connie, as our church grows, our pastor has kept us “small” by implimenting small groups, based on interests. It’s working! There are quilting groups, drama, fishing, hiking, exercizing, scrapbooking, young marrieds w/children, young marrieds w/out children, men meeting for breakfast on Tuesday a.m., and women playing bonko, and others meeting every week for lunch. It broke it down so that the church is large, but small at the same time.
But it would be very hard to have a church family where you feel lost and unknown. Great insight! Thanks for sharing it.
July 28th, 2008 at 12:16 pmWhat a great post, Suzie! I hope that our little church (a plant) will feel that way to others (and me, too!). Especially when we have an actual building instead of a high school auditorium and newcomers can find us!!
July 28th, 2008 at 5:02 pmI think church is SO important! I get filled up each week and I think I’d be so empty without it. Yes, I also do a bible study and other things to help with the fill up. But I must be a bottle-less pit! I require the connection.
Great post. The first line was certainly a hook!!
July 28th, 2008 at 6:34 pmI think - no, I KNOW - that our small group is what keeps us at our church. It just takes a long time to get to know people well, to be family. Connie, I hope you find the connection soon. Or find one in CA.
July 28th, 2008 at 9:03 pmSuzie,
July 29th, 2008 at 3:38 pmI’m so glad alot of your readers have no idea who Lisa(in the choir)is because that is NOT a good pic of me.lol I must have been really concentrating on the music.
I loved the post! I’ve always needed church, even when the people were not so pleasant to be around.
I pray as we move and look for a new place to belong I will find a place with the same kind of wonderful people(flaws and all)that I’ve known for the past 20 years.
Love You!
I catch up with your blog posts about every 3 days or before if I need a little encouragement. This one I have to respond!!
All I know about M1A is that God used it and our pastor and the wonderful people to save my family and my life. Nothing gives all 4 of us more peace than walking thru those doors for church. My kids look forward to everything there - for that I am truly thankful. I am thankful for you too, you definitely touched my life when I was scared out of my mind to step out and do my first away from home trip, my first chance of being rejected…. I was terrified - and I had a wonderful time and met lots of wonderful ladies.
I have been in churches that have flaw, big ole ones, and I am absolutely sure that there are some in our church, but God is bigger than all our flaws - Thank You Lord!
Anyway I miss ya, hope to see ya soon.
August 4th, 2008 at 11:32 pmHey Suzie,
This post spoke to my heart in a big way. During a hurtful time of my life, I stepped away from the “organized church” for a full year. During that year, I dove heart-first into my Bible like never before. I got to know the Lord more intimately. And at the end of the year, I realized how desperately I missed the fellowship of others and how empty I felt without those connections. You described my experience to a T when you wrote:
“But having a church family allows you to pour in to others, to have support, to worship together, to work with others in the community or overseas, to lean on a friend or let them lean on you, to pray together, to sharpen each other, to give grace when they aren’t perfect or you fall short. . .”
I found your blog via Terry’s twitter this a.m. So glad I did!
Bless you, friend.
August 5th, 2008 at 2:05 pmBonnie