My mom is an alcoholic
August 12, 2008 | T. Suzanne Eller
Question: Thanks for your post yesterday, but what about those of us whose parents are still alcoholics?
I was raised with an alcoholic mom. When she drinks she says terrible things. She’s out of control, and sappy and stupid.
I WILL NOT allow her to influence my children. If I forgive her, then she will think she can be in my life again, and that of my children. I won’t let that happen.
Questions from KTIX listeners
August 11, 2008 | T. Suzanne Eller
Question: I heard you on KTIX yesterday. You said that forgiveness is the foundation of healing, but what if the person doesn’t deserve forgiveness? I can’t forgive someone who isn’t sorry, who continues to hurt people, and who is a miserable excuse for a parent. I want to give my child everything I didn’t have. If forgiving is part of that, then I don’t know what to do.
The power of touch
August 8, 2008 | relationships
I just want to say a quick hello to the listeners of Along the Way, KTIS radio in Minnesota. Thank you for dropping by. If you have questions about the topic “The Mom I Want to Be: Rising Above the Past to Give Your Kids a Great Future”, please e-mail me and I’ll post them anonymously along with an answer next week. Blessings! Suzie
When I was a teen I went to my first nursing home with a group from my church. Mr. Lollis loaded up a group of 20 or so every Sunday. We went to Braum’s first, then to the nursing home where we sang or visited with the elderly.
Often, I felt strange. When you’re 16, old people really are old. They reached for me, hugged me, and held my hand in their soft, veiny hands.
Now that I’m on my way to being an old person, I see those visits differently.
If I were to count the number of times I’m touched each day, the number would be high. The first thing that Richard does when he comes home from work is to walk through the house whistling until he finds me (sounds like he’s looking for a dog, doesn’t it?, but it’s just his way). When he finds me I am crushed in a hug. We hold hands when we walk. I brush my hand across his head gently when I walk past him and he’s watching TV. (more…)
Posted by Suzie @ 4:51 am | 3 Comments
Berry Mauve or Muted Wine
August 7, 2008 | T. Suzanne Eller, family, stories
I received a cool e-mail yesterday from a blog reader. Coworkers were passing around my story, Berry Mauve and Muted Wine. She is a cancer survivor and wanted me to know that she loved the story.
It’s one of my favorites, and always will be. So, here it is. A rerun. Same ole girl. Same ole guy. Seventeen years as a cancer survivor celebration coming up in September.
My story shared in Chicken Soup for the Couple’s Soul:
Berry Mauve or Muted Wine
by T. Suzanne Eller
He found me weeping bitterly in the hospital room.
“What’s wrong?” Richard asked, knowing that we both had reason to cry.
In the past forty-eight hours, I learned that I had a cancerous lump in my breast that had spread to my lymph nodes, and there was a possible spot on my brain. We were both thirty-two with three young children. (more…)
Posted by Suzie @ 4:36 am | 7 Comments
The Baffling Call of God
August 6, 2008 | faith, ministry life, purpose
Excerpted from My Utmost For His Highest by Oswald Chambers
The Baffling Call Of God
“And all things that are written by the prophets concerning the Son of Man shall be accomplished … And they understood none of these things.” Luke 18:31, 34
God called Jesus Christ to what seemed unmitigated disaster. Jesus Christ called His disciples to see Him put to death; He led every one of them to the place where their hearts were broken. Jesus Christ’s life was an absolute failure from every standpoint but God’s. But what seemed failure from man’s standpoint was a tremendous triumph from God’s, because God’s purpose is never man’s purpose.
There comes the baffling call of God in our lives also. The call of God can never be stated explicitly; it is implicit. The call of God is like the call of the sea, no one hears it but the one who has the nature of the sea in him. It cannot be stated definitely what the call of God is to, because His call is to be in comradeship with Himself for His own purposes, and the test is to believe that God knows what He is after.
From Suzie: Isn’t it funny how we strive after purpose, instead of God? I’m not really talking to you; I’m looking straight at my own image in the mirror. If I look at my to-do list today it is full. Every one of them is wrapped around “ministry”. And yet purpose is not what I do, but who I walk with today who is a friend, is God, is peace, is life, is joy. I love ministry. I love writing. I am passionate about these things.
But the simplicity of faith is that my “calling” is to simply walk with God through the good, the bad, the sticky, the challenging, the amazing, the ordinary days and moments of my day.
If you want to read the rest of this Oswald Chambers devo, click here.
Posted by Suzie @ 4:22 am | 2 Comments
What I’ve Learned. . .
August 5, 2008 | T. Suzanne Eller, mentoring
One of my favorite bloggers shared “What I’ve Learned” on her blog today. As I approach my 49th birthday (September 1 — send gifts and chocolate!), maybe I’m at a place that I can say I’ve learned something, too.
I’ve learned. . .
- that failure only happens when you try something new, so I’m willing to fail
- that being healthy isn’t about looking good, but living life fuller
- that kittens will always make me happy
- that cheesecake is worth the calories
- that you don’t have the people you love in your life forever, so love them in all the right ways today
- that holding a grudge is a huge waste of time
- that most small things are just that…small things
- that I’ll get there, so slow down and enjoy the drive
- that being religious can be far from what Jesus lived and taught
- that my words DO matter
- that it’s important to jump on the bed once in a while just to do it
- to walk through open doors because you never know what you’ll find on the other side
- that people that hurt you are really hurting inside
- that there are no important or unimportant people — every person has a story and every person is worth knowing
- that hanging out with family brings me joy
What about you? What have you learned? I’d love to hear from you!
What Matters
August 4, 2008 | family, purpose
It takes so little to make my mother happy.
I swam with her and the other women at the YMCA on Saturday. I carved out a couple of days to spend with mom. She is strong again now, recouped from her scary illness in April. It was a wake-up call for me, that I might not always have forever. Funny, since that is something I talk about often, and believe.
“Do you have your swimsuit?” she asked.
“I do,” I said.
Her face lit up. The greenhouse pool at the Y was at a smokin’ 113 degrees, but the water was cool and wonderful. The aerobics weren’t strenuous, and in fact I think that most of the women just moved around a whole lot while they talked with each other.
There were lots of comments from the other 70-somethings, like, “who is this pretty young’un?”.
I love to be called young’un at 48.
Mom’s friends were sweet, and interesting. One lived in Germany for 11 years while her husband served in the military. Another was a grandma with three thirty-something children and she was raising a grandchild. Another had suffered some extreme health problems over the last year, but her concern was for my mom and her recent bout.
As I drove home I thought about my mom’s smile. It’s beautiful. It really is. She has somehow managed to keep a youthful, vibrant smile and she used it alot that day. She was happy, and it just didn’t take much.
Remember how we talked about passion last week? How we get so caught up in the busyness of life that minutes, days, years tick by and suddenly we realize we’ve invested time, effort, emotional and physical health in things that don’t mean a lot when we stop and measure it?
I’ve decided that making my mom smile is a worthwhile endeavor, and that throwing a swimsuit in my backseat and hanging out with her friends for an hour every once in a while is a good thing.
A professor just died. He wasn’t famous, until he was diagnosed with cancer. He gave a last lecture describing how he viewed life now that it was ending. To date, this lecture has received millions of hits on YouTube. His inspirational talk has caused millions to rethink what matters. I hope you’ll check it out.
And the winner is. . .
August 2, 2008 | T. Suzanne Eller
Sarah Berry says:
This book really speaks to me. I would love the opportunity to read it. I have many issues from my past that I am trying to deal with the only thing I know is that I want my child to have the childhood she deserves and I will do everything in my power to ensure that.
Posted by Suzie @ 11:23 pm | 2 Comments
