Dear friend…
October 22, 2008 | Dear Friend, Knowing Christ
You ask how I can believe in a world that looks at Christianity in such a negative light. You ask me to describe my faith. Are you fundamental? Are you moderate? Liberal?
I don’t see myself as a label. I simply follow Him because I cannot see my life without a relationship with the God that transformed my life.
There was a time when I didn’t know God. Didn’t believe in him. I saw life as black and white and without the shadings of faith. And then one day I challenged that assumption. Is there really a God? The answer came in that moment. Yes, there is a God and somehow, inexplanably, I mattered to him. It was a transforming moment, a word I don’t throw out lightly.
It seemed simple to me. One day I lived without the knowledge that God was real and the next I couldn’t shake the truth that my life had taken a turn. Knowing him was suddenly a thread through the fabric of every choice, every decision, every part of my existence.
It was simple, really.
It only became complicated later, when somehow faith became tangled in a to-do list or was scrutinized under a microscope of culture that wanted me to defend what I knew had taken place in my heart. Funny, but the complexity came from both within and outside of the church.
It’s a battle I’ve recently examined. Hearing others criticize faith, pull it apart, misuse it, but also change the world with it, love with it.
I found myself looking at my faith from a distance, and I lost something. I listened to others. I viewed faith through their eyes. I listened because I needed to as they sorted through their faith. I will never be closed to hearing others’ viewpoints, but somehow I became quietly critical: Of people who push others away by saying they are followers of Christ, but who do not love. Or of those who put impossible standards, or forget that you start somewhere and it’s most likely not the starting line they’ve drawn in the sand.
But by doing that my eyesight dimmed as I focused only on people.
And God faded into the background.
Really, Suzie? You struggled with your faith?
Don’t we all? At some time or another?
But one night I slept, or actually like now, I wanted to sleep. I wrestled with discontent. I’m not afraid of questioning my faith. I want to be a scholar, digging deep into the foundation of why I believe, but this was different.
If you see me on a Sunday morning, I’m watching, looking through the eyes of transformation, seeing the young couple on the second row who lost their child a year ago due to addiction, and now they worship God freely, the child nestled between them.
Or I see the young man struggling with the idea of God in his life. Will this be the day he lets down his guard and yields his life to Christ?
I look at the teen in the choir, remember that only a few months ago she sat by her mother, sullen, angry that she had to be there. And now, somehow, faith has become personal and she sings, smiling, her hands lifted as she praises God.
I love, love, love seeing God at work.
But in the darkness of that night I stopped looking at anyone else and asked God to take me back to that moment of my own transformation.
And it wasn’t one moment that came to me. It was several.
Times as a teen where I knelt at an altar and felt him, breaking under the precious and powerful presence of God. Moments where I prayed and found direction. Moments as a young adult where I climbed impossible mountains only through his strength. Moments as a woman where I lifted my hands to worship in the bleakest of times and true praise rang out though there was nothing praiseworthy at the moment, except for the joy that filled my soul at being his.
Moments of joy, pain, love, doubt, anger, peace.
And all wrapped around my love for Christ, and his love for me.
Why do I believe?
Because knowing God has transformed my life, and continues to do so, even in the questioning parts. . . and I love him. I can’t help it. It’s who I am, who I will always be–his.
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This was GORGEOUS! I follow you on Twitter and saw your link. I’m SO glad I did!
October 22nd, 2008 at 12:07 pmYes, Suzie, I think we all struggle with our faith at some point in our lives. I know I have. But like you, He has been at work in my life all along. He makes all the difference. Praise Him!
October 22nd, 2008 at 7:12 pmSuzie, Great post! I, too, follow you on Twitter. When we untangle our faith from schedules, committees, discontent, and everything else, we are then able to entangle it in the proper place…with the Lord! Thank you for this.
You mentioned you were studying the book of Ruth. I think this book may be my favorite. I took it apart for my book. It is so awesome. Enjoy studying it.
Blessings…Lynn
October 22nd, 2008 at 9:14 pmSuzie,
This is one of the most beautiful things I’ve read in some time. I totally relate to what you wrote. Faith is such an exciting, invigorating experience. Just like falling in love, it’s so easy for the “new-ness” to wear off. THe amazing thing about falling in love with Jesus is that the more we get to know Him, the more we find there is to know. It’s endlessly thrilling.
How I want to protect my faith from cynicism, neglect, boredom and comparison.
Bless you! Your words are intoxicating!
October 22nd, 2008 at 11:14 pmKelli