You asked…
November 12, 2008 | Books
Laura wrote: I have never had a book speak to me so clearly in all of my life. The Mom I Want t
o Be has opened my heart to WANT to forgive my parents. I am a 33-year-old mother of 4 and I am holding onto resentment and bitterness for my parents and it is absolutely spiritual warfare. I have gone to Christian counselors and read many christian books for steps on how to get out of this bondage.
I am failing miserably. I need some Godly councel and wondered if you would listen to my story and guide me.
Hi Laura,
You share such an important step. You want to forgive. Sometimes we wait to forgive for many reasons: What happened wasn’t fair. They never said they were sorry. We want them to pay for what they’ve done. The memories are too hurtful.
There are many more reasons in this list. But what many people fail to understand is that unforgiveness hurts us. The abuse continues far after it has ended as we wrestle with anger, bitterness, or a number of other emotions.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean what happened is okay. It doesn’t mean “you can keep on abusing me”. It’s letting go of emotions that keep you tied to the past, and hinder you from being free to be all that you desire to be.
Can I ask that you stop making this a pass/fail issue? Rather, can it be a journey? You took a significant step today. How awesome is that?
As we forgive, there will be days that we want to pick up the old feelings. I did so because it helped me feel justified. After all, if I was angry or resentful or not progressing then it was a great excuse. After all, look at what I had been through, I thought. But I learned to put those feelings down—over and over again, until I no longer wanted to pick them up. They got in the way of personal and spiritual growth.
Today you took a significant step. Celebrate that.
Tomorrow, take another. And the next day, and the next month, take more. Healing is a process. Invite God into that process.
I’m so grateful you are reading The Mom I Want to Be. Read it more than once. I sat with a group of women last week who were studying the book. All of them had been through difficult and painful circumstances. One women said, “I’m reading it for the fourth time. When I read it the first time, some of the concepts were so new to me that I took baby steps. Now that I’m reading it again, they are familiar. I’m doing those things and seeing God work in my life. But then I also see new ideas and new concepts and so I get to take yet another step!”
Stay in touch, Laura. Will you do that?
Suzie
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