Resist the urge
March 24, 2009 | Books,Just thinking out loud,Knowing Christ
I’ve heard it twice this week and I’m listening, God.
Resist the urge.
A pastor at Watermark church in Dallas shared how friends and strangers were the hands and feet of Christ to him when they discovered that their 4-year-old had cancer. But there were also those who had profound messages to share. Messages like, “God will never lead you to what he cannot lead you through”.
Cliches, really. Phrases that sound profound, but really fail to understand the suffering you might go through when your child’s life is threatened. Is it true? Most likely, yes. From life experience, absolutely. But in the midst of diagnosis, chaos, darkness — they may not have the effect you want them to.
It’s something I needed to hear. I hope that I’ve not done this, but something tells me (Is that you, Holy Spirit) that I have.
Resist the urge to say something profound.
I heard it again as I read a book called Angry Conversations With God by Susan E. Isaacs. I just started it, so I’ll share my thoughts later, but one passage stuck out:
Be careful to whom you bear your grief, especially if it’s someone churchy, like Martha. Because the Marthas of the world can’t leave a question unanswered, a problem unsolved, or a sorrow unhealed: they have to fix it. And no matter how long you’ve been a Christian (I’ve been one all my life), Martha will know a Bible verse you haven’t heard (or haven’t heard the right way) or she’ll have a book or a sermon tape or a worship CD designed to answer your questions, silence your doubts, muzzle your grief, and make Martha feel better.
Ouch.
And yet, thank you.
Funny, but while I’m typing this a friend facebook chats me. “Everything is going wrong,” she shares.
So I will listen. And I’ll be there. And I will pray.
And I’ll resist the urge to say something profound.
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OUCH
March 24th, 2009 at 11:41 amDealing with chronic illness, I can’t tell you how often I get ‘profound wisdom’. I can tell you from experience that people don’t need ‘profound wisdom’, they need a friend.
Debbie
March 24th, 2009 at 1:51 pmI’m just finishing up that book- fresh, naked- real.
I’ve been a Martha- and been accosted by them..funny how easy it is to hate it when it happens to ME and yet be guilty of doing the same thing -
March 24th, 2009 at 5:52 pmI loved this post. It rings so true…and I’ve been one who experienced hearing many cliches after painful situations like miscarriage, PPD, and death of loved ones. Yet, I also know that I may have spoken out of turn a time or two as well.
March 24th, 2009 at 11:00 pmI’ve heard the cliches so many times; when my youngest was born premature and then became deathly ill at one week (I’m happy to say she is now 6!), when I was so sick that I almost died and then when, not a year later, my husband became very sick (and he never gets sick) and had to be hospitalized, or when my family has just been struggling for different reasons.
The cliches don’t help. You feel like you are drowning and someone says “God won’t give you more than you can handle so He must think you’re stronger than you think”. That makes you feel like telling them and/or God that you really aren’t that strong and could really use some help here!
I try to remember that when someone is hurting; so instead of giving them some cliches or trying to figure out what to say that sounds right, I just let them know I will be praying. Many times I don’t know what more to say than that.
March 25th, 2009 at 10:34 am