Encouragement for Today
April 20, 2009 | Interesting People,Proverbs 31 Ministries
Perhaps you came over from the Proverbs 31 devo. If you did, welcome! I sat down with Darrin this weekend and talked about what has happened in his life in the last 10 years. This is what he had to say:
Suzie: Darrin, ten years has passed since the day you lost hope. What has taken place in that time?
Darrin: Wow! More than I could have imagined at the time. It was July 2, 1997, when I tried to commit suicide. Since that time, I’ve discovered a real relationship with Christ. God has brought wonderful people into my life who helped me tremendously to get through all the crud and have been there with me ever since. I’ve learned not only how to ask for help but also how to accept it.
I’ve also learned how to help others get through the same things that I experienced. I got married in November of 1999 to my best friend, Sarah. When we first got married we spent some time as youth pastors in Wagoner, OK. Then we moved to Ohio for three and a half years to help start a church. We’ve been on three missions trips to two countries, Ireland and Antigua, and are planning to one day live in Ireland as missionaries.
We have three beautiful children: Abi, Caleb, and Jaxon. If you would have told me all that was going to happen back in 1997, I would have made a different choice.
Suzie: I think that is one of the most powerful truths I’ve learned from you. When life is bleak, hang on. It can and will change.
Suzie: You mentioned Sarah and the kiddos. Tell us more about your family.
Darrin: My wife, Sarah, is the best friend I’ve ever had (which is one of the reasons I married her). She’s also gorgeous (another reason I married her). After I got saved I knew I wanted a woman like Proverbs 31 describes, and that’s exactly what I got. It’s been so much fun being married to her because we have just enough in common to make life fun and interesting, and the differences we do have are areas where we both needed balance. We both feel a definite call to missions and are planning to move to Ireland one day.
Abi is my five year old princess! When she was a baby I used to sing You are my Sunshine to her, and that’s exactly what she is. She is just as beautiful as her mother and has my personality, which is at some times good and other times not so good. She is very charismatic and had a speaking part in our church’s Easter play this year for the first time ever! She loves reading, watching t.v. and movies, and talking on her “cell phone.” She takes every opportunity to tell her brothers what to do and loves thinking she is the boss. She also takes every opportunity to care for her brothers.
Caleb is my tender-hearted three year old little man. He’s definitely a lover and not a fighter. I think he’s got more of his mama in him than the other two. He’s very shy around people he’s not used to, but once you get to know him he’s hilarious! He also looks out for his brother and sister (he was going to hit a kid three times his size at the daycare the other day because that kid hit Abi). One of my favorite things that Caleb does is when I go to tuck him into bed he throws his arms around my neck and says, “Sleep with me!” He’s great!
Jaxon is my 15 month old, and he is a concoction of a little bit of Abi, a little bit of Caleb and a little bit of himself. He’s very charismatic and outgoing like Abi, but he’s also very tender-hearted like Caleb. He’s just now starting to walk, which is a lot of fun because he looks like Frankenstein when he’s walking. It’s hilarious!
Suzie: I wish I could have shared this with you when I sat at your side 10 years ago. Maybe someone is reading this today that feels like you did. You’ve walked in those shoes. What would you say to that person?
Darrin: There are a few things I would say. First, I would tell them that it’s going to get better. Maybe not immediately. (Within the first few months after I got out of the hospital from trying to commit suicide I had my car repossessed, backed into a family member’s car, and had another car’s engine blow up on me in the middle of a thunderstorm), but it will get better! Just remember, if I had known all that was going to happen to me I probably would have chosen differently.
Second, I would tell them to talk to someone they trust that is smarter than them and will help hold them accountable and give them godly counsel. If you’re going to talk to someone, make sure you tell them everything you’re feeling. People can’t help you if you if they don’t know what’s wrong. When I tried to commit suicide I had plenty of people who would have crawled through hell to help me but they didn’t know anything was wrong.
Lastly, I would tell them to make sure they are viewing things as they truly are. Ephesians 6:14 says, “Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist.” This literally means to have your emotions or your mind wrapped in the truth of God. When we start experiencing feelings of depression or hopelessness, we need to compare how we are feeling with what God’s word says.
Suzie: Perhaps a loved one or friend is reading this, and they don’t know how to help. What’s the worst thing someone could say to a person that is struggling?
Darrin: The worst thing you could say is nothing at all. Have you ever saw someone with something in their teeth, or even worse, something in their nose, and you were hesitant to say something to them? That’s what talking to someone about depression is like. It may be uncomfortable telling them that something is wrong, but if you’re their friend you’ll tell them before they make things worse.
Depression and suicide is one of those subjects that nobody likes to talk about. We may either see the signs or have a friend who says they are struggling with depression and our response is that it’s just a phase that they’re going through. It may be just a phase, but what if that person decides that this “phase” isn’t worth going through? When you’re going through a tough time it’s hard to see past the gigantic problem or problems that are staring you right in the face.
A friend that is willing to talk to someone can give some perspective on how things may not be as bad as we think they are.
Suzie: Let’s flip the coin. What is helpful?
Darrin: Knowing that there is someone that you can say absolutely anything to without fear of them judging you or telling your business to the whole world. It’s people like Sarah, Suzie and Richard that make going through a tough time bearable because you know that they will listen when you need somebody to listen and they will tell you the truth when you need to hear the truth (you may not want to hear it but they tell you anyway).
There is one other thing, and this one always throws people off. The best time to help other people is when you’re struggling yourself. Think of it this way, I can hate where I live or the car I drive. I can wish for more expensive clothes or better shoes, but if I get out and help someone who doesn’t have a house or lots of clothes, then that makes me appreciate the things I have even more.
No matter how bad things are for you, there’s somebody out there who is having a lot worse time than you are. That person needs your help! When you do that it takes your focus off of your feelings and lets you see things much more clearly.
Suzie: What’s ahead for you?
Darrin: Sarah and I are working towards getting our affairs in order so that we can move to the next phase in our life.
We are ready to be missionaries but there are a few things left for us to do here. In the mean time, I teach a connect
group at church about evangelism and missions, as well as directing a monthly outreach for our church. I love serving others! Evangelism and missions are my passions and I know I wouldn’t be happy doing anything else. I am already a certified minister and am now working on getting my license. I feel like the plans God has for our family are so big that to the natural eye they seem almost impossible, but I know what God has called us to do and He will take care of us.
Suzie: Thanks, Darrin, for your honesty and your heart to reach out to others.
RSS feed for comments on this post.
The URI to TrackBack this entry is:
http://www.tsuzanneeller.com/2009/04/20/encouragement-for-today/trackback/
God is always on time. I needed to see this devotion today. I’ve been struggling with Fibromyalgia for the past two years and it’s been difficult. Although it’s not depression,it’s symptoms are hard to deal with to say the least. Fibromyalgia is chronic pain in the muscles. Alot like arthritis but in the muscles. It’s hard mainly because it keeps me from keeping up with my 4 beautiful children. I do know the Lord as my Savior and King and that no one can bring me through this but Him. This past week has been hard but your devotion gave me a push to keep on going. Not with my own strength but God’s. Your prayer is an echo of my own that today God will renew my spirit and fill me with His joy so I can be a daughter in her Father’s embracing arms of unconditional love and healing.
April 20th, 2009 at 8:36 amJeremiah 30:17; For I will restore you to health and I will heal you of your wounds, declares the Lord.
Thank you. I also needed to see this today. My husband of 17 years is having an affair, has moved out and filed for divorce. I am feeling very depressed at times, but I do have people I have been talking with. It seems like your devotion was written for me.
April 20th, 2009 at 9:01 amGod bless you.
I could really relate to this devotion. I have also struggled with depression at times, and seriously thought about ending my life about five years ago. The only thing that kept me alive was the love of my family and friends, and not wanting to hurt them by killing myself. Now, five years later, I am so glad that I had those great friends and family members. I wish now that I had told them what was going on in my life so I wouldn’t have gotten to the point I did. I have to say that my survival was a miracle because I didn’t have the will to live anymore, but I still survived. My life is by no means perfect, but so many great things have happened in the past five years, and I thank God often for getting a chance to experience them.
April 20th, 2009 at 11:09 amthank you for this post and the candid conversation…i needed it today and know God led me here…God bless you….
April 20th, 2009 at 11:12 amAnn,
I have been divorced now for the last 2yrs. Your depression is normal and may last a few months. You’re going to feel worthless and not wanted. Hang in there, God will bring you through. There are several divorce programs that you can find out about to help you make it through. One is called “Divorce Care” and the other is “Divorce Recovery” – both are Christian based curriculum. A wonderful book that helped me is “My Single Mom Life” by Angela Thomas. You need to locate a support group if possible or get one started through your church.
Unfortunately the depression Darrin is speaking about is much worse and can hang on for years. I believe that it is a spiritual battle that rages inside a person. I had this a few years ago after suffering 15yrs of emotional abuse by my husband – I finally decided to take my own life. But that was also the night that I cried out with all my heart to Jesus and told Him that I couldn’t do this on my own anymore.
He rescued me and has since put people in my life who have helped me see that I am special to our Lord and He has made me with a purpose in mind. I am also getting Christian Counseling because I had a lot of issues from my childhood as well as harmful thought patterns. A very good book that I have read is called “Changes that Heal” by Dr. Henry Cloud who is a Christian Counselor.
I will be praying for you – divorce is a very hard thing to go through; it will shake your world apart. But in the end God will open up doors for you that you never expected and He will teach you things about yourself you couldn’t see before. Unfortunately, divorce is a two way street and both people involved have contributed over the years to the heartache and discontent.
In Christ’s love.
April 20th, 2009 at 11:46 amThe title alone has blessed my heart this morning. Just over a month ago I wrote a post on my blog entitled, “Forsaken”. Family circumstances right now are overwhelming me, and I was asking God where His hand was in all of this, feeling abandoned and alone. Thank you for the beautiful reminder this morning that God loves me. I know He does, yet sometimes the evidence is hard as His path includes pain and suffering. I have battled depression in the past and the darkness continues to call at times like this, but I’m holding onto the Lord and clinging to His Word.
God DOES love me,
April 20th, 2009 at 11:55 amJoy
The message this morning regarding Darrin’s story was a nice reminder that I too was saved by death’s hand in a suicide attempt. It has been 8 years last February 11th that I attempted suicide. I had just found out a week prior that my husband of 10 years, Jason and my best friend at the time, Julie were having an affair. I had never felt so anguished in my entire life! I had just gotten off the phone with Jason and we had a horrible fight. He was staying with Julie and her husband (because he didn’t know yet). I was crying so hard that I just blacked out and woke up to seeing myself cutting my wrists with a piece of glass from a candle holder I had broken. I felt the hand of God pulling my hand from cutting my wrists. I had the fingerprint bruises to prove it too! It was a battle between good and evil fighting for my life. I heard God say loud and clear, “No! This one is mine. I am not finished with her yet.” Today’s story made me cry because I was reminded that God isn’t finished with me yet. I am a work in progress, and I am grateful that He saved me. That He loves me enough to want to save me. I made it through that painstaking divorce with wounds in my heart from Jason and in my back from Julie. God healed the physical scars from my suicide attempt as he healed my heart. I have since remarried to a wonderful man that I truly believe is a gift from God, and have forgiven both Jason and Julie. For obvious reasons, I no longer talk to Julie. But I do have two beautiful daughters with Jason, so we speak all the time. We are great friends now.
Thank you again for that reminder.
God Bless,
April 20th, 2009 at 1:00 pmAeron Beck
Thank you for sharing with me because I am going through big battles of depression, diabetes, divorce and deaf. All four D’s! I have committed suicide twice and failed. I have no idea what God has planned for me but I am still following HIM and do what HE wants me to do…I am struggling to read HIS messages. I thank you for sharing with me about the bible verses that I will look it up. Few people have tried to help me to get through but they dont understand my strugglings. I need to talk to someone who understand the depression. I am always asking God to help me and love me.. I am not giving up on God. Never! I need to cling on HIM. Thank you! May Jesus bless you and keep you gracious and love…
Greatest love a person is to die for HIS friends…
Libby
April 20th, 2009 at 1:02 pmI just wanted to thank you for your devo today. I have suffered with major depression, recurrent type, for 7 years. Not knowing what I was dealing with (I thought it was many other things, but not depression), I finally sought medical help last year and got immediate relief from a combo of antidepressants and christian therapy. I am now on a mission to bring depression into the forefront, especially for women who are reluctant to admit they are struggling and who are hesitant to seek treatment.
I’m currently doing a series on my blog called “God Speaks Through the Storm” where I discuss God’s voice throughout my struggle and His leading me to healing. I also discuss in this series the death of my son.
I’ve never had so much response to my blog posts as I have since I opened the door to talk plainly about depression.
So thank you, from the heart of a person who’s been there, for sharing Darrin’s story and for providing practical advice and resources.
Blessing to you in your ministry,
April 20th, 2009 at 7:33 pmSandy Cooper
I would like to say a heartfelt thanks as well this message is God speaking to me in a very loud voice. I attempted suicide this weekend just feeling helples, and guilty because I know I am not alone and there is so much I should feel thankful for.
April 21st, 2009 at 2:12 amThank you. I too have recurrent major depression, with which I have struggled for at least 20 years. I have two teenage children diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Sometimes it feels like we’re hanging on by our fingernails. Last week I slipped badly and ended up in the hospital again, and though in outpatient treatment now, am beating myself up badly for even entertaining thoughts of death…how could I with a precious gift of life…even when it doesn’t seem like it at times. I promised myself 5 years ago at the last attempt I wouldn’t go back there…Now I feel like I broke that promise.
April 21st, 2009 at 6:35 amWendy,
I have slipped and fallen and was in the hospital four times in six months and then again this past February. Don’t give up! We all have to get past our place that we “fell” and our place of “brokenness.” Sometimes it is a very slow process! Forgive yourself, allow God to forgive you and move on to a place of hope and healing. I have been learning that God loves our brokenness and does not shy away from the broken parts of our lives. He’s not afraid of our brokenness because He loves us and died to set us free from the brokenness.
I two needed to hear this word because the past week has been tough and am still struggling with depression in my life.
April 21st, 2009 at 6:57 amI loved the devo! I needed it this morning as I actually prayed to God that He’d show me I wasn’t forgotten. He did just that through you. Thanks for sharing your story Darrin, this fall I will share a similar 10 year anniversary. Blessings, Jill
April 21st, 2009 at 8:19 amDarrin
I praise God for all He has done for you
I have my own battle daily with depression, and you do inspire me,
Thank YOU
I gave my son up in 74 and daily pray for him, in hopes he is walking with God, Praising God daily for all He has done for me thank you for sharing your story Bless you Brother and Sister in our Lord Jesus Christ Ann
April 21st, 2009 at 8:55 amJust a note to Darrin & Sarah:
April 21st, 2009 at 9:51 amI just got back from a trip to Ireland & I felt that it was (and is) a prime spot for evangelism. The people are kind-hearted, religious, but are not passionate about Christ. The religious divisions make them somewhat complacent. I thought right off, that some missionaries should be there, working for the Lord. God bless you in your endeavor, & I will personally be praying for your safe arrival. In Him, Pat
I am also approaching my anniversary…only mine was a week ago when I made my attempt. I thank God he saved me…I too heard his voice say to me “I’m not done with you yet!!!” Fortunately I have a wonderful family and a great network of friends…I’m now struggling with the guilt of my actions. I feel I was led to this story today by God. I’d like to thank everyone and Darrin for sharing their story…so many people are struggling today we truly need to pray without ceasing. Thanks again and God bless you.
April 21st, 2009 at 10:17 amWhat perfect timing, I know the Lord is so VERy near yet sometimes I cant “feel” Him. While reading this I “felt His arms around me and telling me me He is here with me and will NEVER leave me…I just stopped taking my meds for depression. ..cold turkey. long story. I was to wean down and go to a “lighter” brand But I felt very anxious and not at peace. When I finally made the decision to throw it all away and trust Him I felt peace. (No Iam DEFINATLY not telling every one to throw your meds away! I truely believed they helped me thru some things.)It’s only been a week but I feel as if Iam finally free from most side affects! and my mind is clear! Needless to say the enemy has been trying to wisper things in my ear. and continue to tell me that iam or never will be “good enough” I was having one of those moments yesterday when I read and reread and reread this devotion. Once again He comes thru and tells me Iam here. I love and you are My Princess. Iam fearfully and wonderfully made!! Psalm 139 1-18
April 21st, 2009 at 12:47 pmWow! I’m the mother of a son who confessed that he has tried to commit suicide. Darrin your witness gives me hope. I’m typing thru tears. Your testamony has struck a nerve. I’m trusting God for his future. Hope for healing and a purposefull life for my son. I have been so heart-broken over his illness. But, God is able and I trust Him above all else to restore my sons health and life. It is almost as if God has given me a promise in reading this today. Thank you for your transparency. Bless you and your family. How interesting is it that we are moving to OK this summer?
Thank you!!
April 21st, 2009 at 1:00 pmAs I read your comments, and many of the private e-mails from others, I have prayed and wept and laughed and wept again. I know that I alone am not big enough to help, and yet I felt compelled to go to the One who loves each of you best.
I know that the path to wholeness and joy doesn’t look the same for any one person, and yet I pray that some will seek wise counsel who can diagnose the problem and perhaps offer tangible help. I pray that some of you will realize God’s great love which is not influenced by what others see or judge you by, but rather by the fact that He made you, loves you, and walks with you.
Thank you for your honesty and your stories.
April 22nd, 2009 at 3:39 pmI too struggle with depression, mainly the low-level type manifesting itself with struggles with motivation, the internal “beating myself up” because I don’t feel like I am good enough, effecient enough, have my house clean enough, etc., and more recently some thoughts of suicide. I do have a Christian counselor that I do talk to, although not that often as my husband has been unemployed since October. Thanks for this devotional and interview. it helps to read about others and know that I am not alone in this.
April 22nd, 2009 at 9:00 pmWhay to go darrin!
April 23rd, 2009 at 12:53 pmI found a really great site today at http://www.troubledwith.com/ with helpful links, articles, and essays. Hope this is a good resource for some of you beautiful ladies (and guys).
April 23rd, 2009 at 7:04 pm