my daughter won’t talk to me
July 29, 2009 | Dear Friend,Nurturing Family
Thank you for the thousands who visited this site yesterday and for the e-mails pouring in through comments, facebook messages, and e-mails.
One beautiful new friend asked this:
I always read my devotional from Christianity.com, but this one touched me. My daughter and I have a problem
getting along. I am always wrong and she will go for long periods without talking or seeing me. I pray about it and it hurts me deeply.
Please pray for us.
Dear friend,
I love my girls and I can only imagine how difficult it would be if they stopped talking with me. My heart goes out to you.
You didn’t share their ages, or what led to the separation, but may I suggest a couple of things?
One, begin to pray for your girls and your relationship. Take this to God and lay it on the table before Him. He loves you, he loves your family. Invite him into the healing process.
Two, send a note to your girls affirming your love for them. A note is non-threatening. Let them know what you see in them that is good, that is precious to you as their mom.
Three, when the time is right invite each of them separately to visit with you. Let them know that you want to rebuild your relationship with them, to start fresh. Ask them to share from their heart what they believe has separated the relationship.
And listen. All the way to the end. Don’t get defensive. Don’t try to persuade them to see it from your perspective. You may not agree, but at least the issues will be in the open.
After you listen, affirm your love for them.
Then take it all back to your Heavenly Father. Take an honest look at it. What can you learn from it? What needs to be changed? How can you grow through it?
But what if it’s all their fault?
If that’s true, then let’s talk some more. I’m not a counselor and I won’t pretend to have all the answers, but what I do know is that most relationships are affected by all involved. Even after my mom grew as a person, I struggled to see her as she was now (not perfect, but growing and reaching out). That was something that only I could work on.
Stay in touch, okay? I am praying for you right now.
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Hi Suzie, My husband and I have 2 grown daughters who are married and have children. After they went to college – God led us to adopt a boy and a girl – that was 10 years ago. Our oldest daughter has had a troubled marriage and last year decided it was time to leave due to pornography, multiple affairs and abuse. Her father went to her rescue and brought her and her children into our home. She later decided to return to him and we were not supportive. Her sister who lives near us was not the least bit supportive to her until she decided to return to the marriage. Our daughter left without our knowledge while we were at work. Her father was devastated because he had supported her in the court hearings. He was so broken he could not speak – when we saw a daughter who lives locally at church he still was unable to speak. She became very angry at him. She then became angry with me because I did not support her isolating her father and keeping her daughter from us. Now this has gone on for 9 months. I have taken this daily to God for His guidance and direction. Whenever I contact her – she says we need counseling. We have not had any contact with our daughter in the abusive marriage since she left because she says we do not support her marriage. My husband has tried to contact them via phone, email and text asking for forgiveness. No response. We raised these girls under Gods Word. They speak to their friends about God – but their actions do not demonstrate any forgiveness or remorse for their treatment of us. Our hearts are broken.
July 29th, 2009 at 4:53 pmAfter 14 years of raising my kids alone I remarried. They loved this man, this first guy they EVER liked. After 3 months I told them I was pregnant. That weekened my daughter began taking all her child hood momentos and stashing them, she was verbally bitter and outwardly angry but wouldnt say why. On Sunday she refused to go to church cussing at me and my husband. By 3 pm she had me in a corner punching me. I was able to call 911. She was arrested. It was her 16th birthday. Her dad “came to her rescue”. her dad got an atorney and took me to court trying to reverse custody to himself alone. After 2 months my daughter and I were improving, then court swung in my favor, my daughter became a possessed lunatic, nasty and vulgar at me alone. After 6 mths in court I won. During that time my daughter spent every other week with me and learned to scream and tell me I wasnt her mom and she hated me and her dads girldfriendwas her mom. She destroyed the kitchen at night twice….no human can comprhend what she did!!! We would wake up to notes posted aroundthe house of her hate for me.
August 13th, 2009 at 11:35 amI sent them to heir dads for month, I cannot deal with her intentionally hurting me over and over.
I am due 28 Sept. I have her in counseling once a week for the next year. She WILL NOT speak to me. I dont even know who she is. I have prayed endlessly but my only answer is to let her go. Any advice would be welcome. I did all thing I thought I should in raising them only to fing that I did nothing right.
My twenty five year old daughter will not talk to be either. I know how you feel. It rips my heart out. I use to pray for God to let me know why she will not talk to or see me. Now I only pray to heal me and help me through it one day at a time. It is very hard, it is the same as if she had died. One day she called and said she loved me and the next I am out of her life. We can not change things so we have to pray to God that we will be strong enough to accept.
August 19th, 2009 at 3:38 pmMY DAUGHTER HASN’T TALKED TO ME (HER MOTHER)FOR ABOUT A YEAR,SHE IS 20 AND MARRIED TO A MAN THAT WONT LET HER HAVE ANY THING TO DO WITH HER FAMILY FRIENDS AND ANY ONE IN HER PAST , SHE HAS NO FRIENDS JUST HIM AND SOME OF HIS FAMILY,SHE TALKS TO HER DAD SOME,RIGHT NOW WE DON’T KNOW WHERE SHE LIVES , WE DO KNOW SHE IS IN THE CITY, BECAUSE WE KNOW WHERE SHE WORKS SO WE SEE HER CAR PARKED THERE AT HER JOB WE DON’T THINK HE WORKS, SHE TOLD HER DAD THAT SHE WAS SO TRIED, SHE TAKE’S CARE OF HIM MOSTLY HE IS IN CONTROL. WE LOVE HER DEARLY , SHE IS OUR ONLY CHILD , SHE WAS RAISED GOOD AND IN A CARING,LOVING ,CHRISTIAN HOME, HE WAS NOT RAISED IN A VERY GOOD HOME JUST HIS MOTHER AND LOTS OF PROBLEMS AND KIDS. I PRAY MY LORD WILL TALK CARE OF THIS AND I KNOW HE WILL IN HIS TIME, I WILL NEVER EXCEPT THAT SHE WILL NOT CHANGE, I KNOW THAT GOD WILL WAKE HER. SHE WILL SEE THAT SHE IS WORTH A LOT MORE THAN THIS
September 7th, 2009 at 10:38 pmI am having the same problem as Carol Young. I have not seen my two Grandchildren for nearly 4 years and this is killing me.
January 30th, 2010 at 8:00 amI have written to my daughter a couple of weeks ago asking her to talk to me so that I can heal, listen to her and try and put anything right that I may have done to her.
My other daugter Helen just get vile txt from her, or her partner about me.
We were so close and I have tried to help both of them to buy a house. I was so close to my two grandaughters…. I long to see them and pray that God will help us all through this difficult time.
I worry for her that her partner is controling her and the girls and has advised her that she is best to stay away from her family.
Its nice to know that other people are going through the same problem.