the sky is falling, the sky is falling
August 19, 2009 | Just thinking out loud
Okay, it’s not really falling. It’s just that in less than 2 weeks I will turn 50.
50. Wow.
I remember what 50 looked like when I was 15, and 30, and even 40. It was the precipice. The cliff that you leaped over into oldie age. Words like arthritis and bunions followed, the alphabet forming into a whole new vocabulary that accompanied the elderly.
But if you are 50 (the AARP crowd — they just sent me a card), you know the secret.
You don’t feel 50. You don’t feel like those words fit you.
Maybe people really were older back then. Maybe the women in my day (an oldie phrase, if there ever was one) who wore curlers in the grocery store and black eyeliner just didn’t have access to a straightening iron and What Not To Wear, so their young hearts and selves were hidden from pimply-faced skinny girls like me. At home they whipped off the curlers and aprons and danced to the radio while singing at the top of their lungs.
All I know is that 50 feels both foreign and beautiful.
I’m alive, a really good thing for a cancer survivor. I’ve been privileged to watch my children grow into amazing adults, and friends. I’ve met Josh, Stephen, and Kristin, and fallen for them as if they were my own.
I’ve watched my 70’s boyfriend, turned into husband, lose his gorgeous hair. He’s watched me lose my skinny, skinny self. And I still love him like crazy.
But the downside is that I’m 50.
I’m an oldie.
So to celebrate I’m having a skating party. It was what I loved to do growing up. Every Friday night I zipped backwards around the rink listening to “You’re So Vain” and “Wipeout”. When my children were young we went skating. They thought it was because I was a fun mom. I knew it was because I still secretly loved skating.
I’ve decided to skate into the next half of the century: an oldie, but a goodie, having fun with the people I love.
RSS feed for comments on this post.
The URI to TrackBack this entry is:
http://www.tsuzanneeller.com/2009/08/19/the-sky-is-falling-the-sky-is-falling/trackback/
Suzie, you’re going to have a BLAST!!!! Take lots of pictures for those of us who are too far away to join you.
August 19th, 2009 at 11:54 amYou could skate behind a jogging stroller with a handbrake. This is how I travel some times! PS Your Website is Beautiful!
August 22nd, 2009 at 2:46 amSuzie, You are NOT old. I am going to be 47 years old this year so you’re NOT. LOL My friend Suzy is 65 and she is one of the “youngest” people I know. She loves Jesus, she loves people, she loves life. She overflows with joy. Furthermore, you do NOT look 50. Honestly you look in your 30’s. You’re beautiful. I am reading your book now that I just ordered, “The Mom I want to be.” You’re a good writer. After that I have your other book that I’m reading, “The Woman I am Becoming” and can’t wait. Thanks for your blog. You’re real and it’s refreshing & encouraging to read.
August 22nd, 2009 at 10:13 amSuzie:
Fifty isn’t fatal! I know, because I turned 50 last year. I decided to approach it as a new beginning and look forward to what God had in store for me for the “second” half of my life. Fifty was the year of jubilee in the Old Testament. So be jubilant, enjoy, and remaing forever young at heart!
August 22nd, 2009 at 1:37 pm