who loves conflict?
September 3, 2009 | Family: Nurturing Family, Feelings: Intentional freedom
I don’t. I don’t!
But real people encounter real conflict. Can I be honest? I hate it. And my first instinct isn’t always the best approach. And yet how I handle it is key.
Sometimes it’s important to take a step back. What is the intention? Is it malicious or a misunderstanding?
Is it important to wait for a moment — or two — or maybe a day — before responding?
Have I prayed about it?
Have I tried to see it from their side?
What are they trying to say?
If it’s malicious, then I don’t engage. It won’t help. Walking away is a healthy response. I can’t make someone else play nice. I have no control over anything, but my response.
If it’s a mistake or a misunderstanding, I have an opportunity to work it through until we do understand, or we compromise.
How do I do that?
Do listen. Do sort through what was said. Do clarify what you believe they said. Do ask if there is a workable solution or compromise.
Don’t get angry. Don’t lose temper. Don’t be ugly. Don’t accuse. Don’t say hurtful things.
This was one of the lessons that was the hardest to learn for me, and yet one of the most powerful. Rather than conflict being used to harm me or others, it became a tool to communicate and come to an understanding–if at all possible. And if not, to take responsibility for my actions and my response, and to not try to fix anyone else.
Conflict, anyone?
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