nesting
September 8, 2009 | Books, Family: Nurturing Family
We took a three-day break on Grand Lake in Oklahoma. Twenty-six Ellers rented a lake house. Tables were loaded with foods like biscuits and gravy and eggs and bacon–though I ate oatmeal and cantelope. We played card games, shot pool, played Wii, and took a boating ride on rough waters.
Then we ate again — grilled chicken and veggies, cheesy potatoes, my SIL’s famous chocolate chip cookies, and homemade ice cream.
We took the jet ski out. I played with the younger niece and nephew on the dock. I even made a save when my 3-year old nephew decided to run for the end of the dock. I was sitting close so I caught him by a belt loop, flew backwards and landed with a thud, but he didn’t make into the water!
We also fished, fed the minnows, and watched turtles and I sat cuddled with them while we had long discussions about really important things like worms and fish eyeballs. I loved it!
The best part was Sunday morning. My SIL, Josh and my nephew, Austin, led worship. After, my husband led a devotion from Nehemiah. He compared the ordinary men with ordinary jobs who somehow built a wall around a city, and stressed that it was ordinary people like us and ordinary families like the Ellers who can be used by God when we are faithful.
I passed around tissues until the box was nearly empty.
To a girl who grew up with far-away grandparents and very little connection outside my nuclear family who were struggling, this still amazes me. Even after nearly 30 years, I love being an Eller. I love the closeness, the web that draws us near.
It’s not a perfect family, because that animal doesn’t exist. But it works, and I’m grateful.
A few weeks ago Richard and I visited with a woman whose family was fractured. She desperately wants the word “family” to mean something.
“Build your own nest,” my husband suggested. “You have a good husband and you are healthy. You can’t fix your parents or others, but you can make a nest for yourself. Put healthy relationships in there. Built the nest strong so that unhealthy people or loved ones can’t destroy it. Make boundaries. But don’t get discouraged. It will take time, but you’ll build your own family and community.”
Sometimes we are lucky and we are born into a nest (like my husband, Richard’s family) and sometimes we build our own. I remember back to a girl who needed a strong nest. I felt very alone. God was the first One I asked to climb in my nest. From there, Richard joined. Later my beautiful children, one by one.
There are many in my nest today, not just Ellers, but my siblings, my mom, my dad. Friends.
What about you? Are you building your nest? Do you struggle because the nest you were given doesn’t work, or is harmful?
Or are you one of the lucky ones like my husband?
Either way, I have discovered that my nest isn’t dictated by luck, or random family placement. It’s hard work and it’s intentional, but we can build a strong community called family.
Talk to me. I want to hear your story. How did you build your nest? What do you do to keep it strong?
Jenny B! is the lucky winner of The Woman I Am Becoming!
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Suzie,
September 10th, 2009 at 2:57 pmI believe I have partnered with God in building my nest for my husband and kids, but because we are human we sometimes try to use materials that He doesn’t provide: standards, expectations, goals for our kids that are our desires, but not their’s. And the whole time, we are unaware that we are actually pulling our own nest apart one little twig at a time. I am praying and believing that the Lord will help us to rebuild what we have torn and know that He will be faithful to one day return the heart of the little birdy when he returns as a man sold out for Jesus.
Love you, my friend.