The art of pause
December 14, 2009 | Feelings: Intentional freedom
Don’t you love our reflexes? They help us react in a second. Maybe it sends a signal to hit the brakes when a deer leaps into view on a dark road. Or it makes you witty and sharp in conversation with friends.
But it can also leave us with regrets when we whip out that retort, or we act in haste.
Paul makes a confession in Romans 7:14. “So the trouble is not with the law,” he says, “for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin.”
Oh, Paul, how I relate!
Something inside of me wants to strike out when I’m hurt, or offended, or just plain all-out ticked.
What can we do in those situations? After all, the feelings are there.
We can pause. Just for a second, or two. We can take a breath before reacting.
It’s the art of pause.
It doesn’t make you a doormat. It doesn’t mean that you don’t or won’t work through the issue. What it does mean is that you won’t have to go back and repair damage, or carry it around with you for a few days or weeks or years.
I can’t help it, Suzie. It’s just the way I am. You don’t understand. I have a temper.
Me, too. Does that surprise you? It often does because I’m soft spoken. But those who know me best realize that I wrestle with a temper. It is usually on simmer, but there are some areas and with some types of situations that it can unleash in a heartbeat.
But what about righteous anger, Suzie. What if you have a right to be mad?
My question when that happens is do I have a right to act badly? Do I have a right to be hurtful? What are our rights?
It’s to address the issue. It’s to work through the problem when it’s NOT in the heat of the moment. It’s to get angry and “sin not”.
What if they act bad?
I think the answer to this was the most freeing information I ever received in my life: We are not responsible for someone else’s actions. We are only responsible for our response to them.
The art of pause helps us when we feel that tension in our jaw, when the hair on the nape of our neck is rising, when we feel the heat in our face. It’s taking a breath. Waiting for a few second before a response. Even if the person on the other side continues to talk, or act badly, it’s stepping back to see the whole picture.
The art of pause allows you and I to respond calmly. It helps us to keep integrity intact, and it might even allow a glimmer of insight that transcends feelings.
Have I perfected the art of pause? No. But the more that I have used it, the more it is becoming ingrained. Less an art, and more a part of me. it is a powerful tool that has strengthened my relationship with others — and even with myself as I learn to trust my reactions.
We are all too human sometimes, just like Paul. He finally came to this conclusion, and it is mine as well:
And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. (Romans 8:26)
Thank God for that. It’s the final and most important aspect of the art of pause. When we take that breath, we can make it a prayer. He knows you. He knows me. He knows our situation.
He will help.
And even if you walk away, to work through the conflict when it’s not heated so that you don’t say words or do things that you’ll later wish you hadn’t, you don’t walk away weak or alone.
You grow. You learn. You deal with it calmly, and you move toward resolution rather than regret.
RSS feed for comments on this post.
The URI to TrackBack this entry is:
http://www.tsuzanneeller.com/2009/12/14/the-art-of-pause/trackback/
I’ve been having to learn the art of pause lately in dealing with life situations.
December 14th, 2009 at 11:34 am