when you can’t fix it
January 7, 2010 | Dear Friend,Nurturing Family
Dear Suzie: I have a daughter who will not talk to me.
The blessing I do have is that she lets me talk to my grandchildren. We live several states apart, so the only communication we have is that I talk to the children.
It is so hard, I love her so very much, but she just rejects me. The last time I saw her was at her sibling’s wedding. I hugged her, told her I loved her, she said nothing. I just want to fix it. I’ve asked if hopefully she and I could go somewhere alone and try to get things sorted out. Her answer to me has been complete silence. I don’t know what I have done, because no one will tell me.
Of course I made mistakes when she was growing up and I will assume all responsibility for that. But I really feel its time for us both to forgive and to just love each other. Please help me, I am at the end of my rope. I love her so much and really need her in my life.
Any advice? I hope so.
Dear friend:
Continue to love her. Continue to pray. If she is hurting from childhood, then she will need to heal. It’s hard when we want to “fix” a situation, but the only person we can fix is us.
Become the best mom you can. Don’t demand or even ask that she heal, but you heal in such a way that she longs for the same.
Grow. Go to a counselor, if needed. Read resources that will challenge you and your perspective. Listen to great speakers. Take baby steps for YOU. : )
And when your daughter is ready, she’ll come to you and will find a whole, mature, beautifully redefined woman as her friend and mother.
And most importantly, invite God into this process for He is our healer, my friend. He loves you. He cares about your daughter and the brokenness between you.
I will pray with you and for you today,
Suzie
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If I may offer some advice from the prospective of a daughter who was hurt in her childhood too.
Write a letter to your daughter. Say everything you would say to her face to face. Then put the letter up then take Suzanne’s advice. Continue to pray for her and for healing to happen between you and your daughter. It will happen in God’s perfect timing. Don’t give up on receiving forgiveness from her. I don’t know who you are or where you live but I will pray for you and your daughter, your relationship, and healing.
P.S. It is a blessing that she has allowed you to see your grand children. That at least is something. Sometimes God’s work starts in the smallest of ways.
January 7th, 2010 at 10:21 pm