going in circles
January 19, 2010 | Knowing Christ, Living Free, Nurturing Family
It was one of our first big fights. I held the map (disaster!) as Richard navigated Loop 12 in Dallas.
“Hon, you don’t move the map when I turn. North is still north. South is still south. Just tell me what to do!”
I crumpled up the map and tossed it in the floorboard, and crossed my arms over my chest. It was hopeless! We were trapped on Loop 12. We had exited, we thought, only to find ourselves back on the same highway going the same direction. We exited again, only to find ourselves back on the same road, headed in the wrong direction.
We couldn’t get off Loop 12 though we could see the road we needed to take in the distance.
Have you ever felt that way? That you’re going in circles, and that your dream or goal is just beyond you?
How do you get out of the crossroads when you’re going in circles?
In our case, we needed a better map holder.
Who’s holding the map in your life? Are you praying about it? Are you working as one with your loved ones, as well as your Heavenly Father?
Five years ago I was ready for my husband to change jobs. Millwork was changing him. He was quiet, physically altering due to the conditions, and if it were up to me he would quit and start over right then. I spent a lot of time at our old place, sitting on the bench on the small dock overlooking the pond, praying for my husband and for direction.
“Hon, would you consider quitting?” I asked.
“And do what?” he said.
One day I felt tremendous peace as I prayed. It was time! I met Richard at the door that night. “It’s your turn,” I said. “God is going to open doors for you, but you need to quit.”
He said something that crushed my spirit at the time.
“Babe, what would I do? Where would I work? How would we pay the bills? Don’t you think that if God is going to lead me, He’ll talk to me first?”
I wanted to remind him that we were one, and so God was talking to me since he wasn’t a very good listener right now. Or to point out all the times that God spoke through other people — like donkeys, and fig trees and such. Surely I was as a good as a fig tree!
But I went back out to my prayer place overlooking the pond, and I realized that though God was giving me peace and direction, that I needed to step back and let Him speak to Richard in the right time.
I waited. One year. It seemed like forever.
One day Richard walked in. He pulled me close. “It’s time,” he said.
It’s been three and a half years since that moment. A buyout at the mill gave many workers the opportunity to leave with about a six-month cushion. We sold our home, our pretty little place with my prayer pond. We moved to a new city not far away. Richard enrolled in school full-time, expecting to treat school as a job for six months and then to work part-time while he went to university.
That small cushion lasted a year a half. We had eliminated as much debt as possible by selling our home and buying a small home near the university with the equity. We chose not to make any major purchases. Our second car, the one that Richard still drives to work and school, is a 14-year-old car with a check engine light that won’t go away and a front headlight dangling down like a loose eyeball. But beyond that, there was an element of faith and adventure that had rooted in our hearts.
Every month our needs were met. Our wants were not travel or clothes or nice things, but bills paid on time and food on the table and tuition paid.
I praise God with arms lifted up at His faithfulness, then and now.
When Richard went to work over a year ago, continuing with night classes and licensing and his Masters work, we still relied on God. He was still our map.
When God gave me peace five years ago as I sat looking out over the pond, I thought it meant “right now”. And it did, in a sense. It meant: prepare your heart for change; trust me every step of the way; grow as your life changes; sacrifice.
Sometimes we go in circles because we jump the timing. We feel that God has a dream, a goal, and we want it right now (maybe that’s just me, but stick with me on this). Here are some questions to ask as you lay this all before God today.
- Have you prayed about it?
- Have you consulted those who it will impact?
Have you listened to them, really listened? Have you prayed together? Have you worked out a plan together?
- Are you taking baby steps?
Richard took a couple of night classes before making the decision to leave his job. It showed him how hard it was. It revealed what he was good at, and what needed work. It showed him the discipline that he would need.
- Are you willing to sacrifice?
Are you willing to learn? Are you willing to give up some wants (not food, shelter, safety or protection over your children or spouse) so that you can grow?
- Are you willing to make a plan?
But Suzie, I want to live in faith!
Me too. I am a leaper. I hear God and I want to jump out in faith, but it took much more faith to wait on God’s timing, and to work as a team with Richard. My faith grew this last year in huge amounts.
- Are you willing to stick with it?
This is the part that we don’t often talk about. Sometimes destiny is hard work, and sacrifice sounds noble until it’s year two or three or four.
Sticking with it means that you continue to pray, you continue to work as a team with your loved ones, you continue to trust, to grow, to stretch, to move forward when it’s seriously outside your comfort zone.
But the cool thing is that you have a map. You’re going somewhere.
Getting off of Loop 12, for Richard and I, wasn’t an overnight process! It’s still unfolding. And man, the adventures of trust and faith and renewed vision that we’ve had along the way! I wouldn’t trade those for anything. Slowly I’ve watched my husband transform from a tired mill worker to a sometimes tired student, but mostly a man who is absolutely on track and loves his new life.
And what have I learned?
Oh, friends, that would be so long. That’s another post for another day.
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That is exactly what I needed to hear today as I am anxious about the future of my husband’s job. Off to go pray! and wait!
January 19th, 2010 at 11:59 amOh Suze! This is so true. Thank you! I’ve been here before, several times, but I always forget. I forget how God works, how faithful He is, how waiting is good and productive. Thank you!
January 19th, 2010 at 2:00 pmWow! Isn’t it amazing how when we give things to God for Him to change things the transition is made perfectly! There is peace in His perfect will.
January 20th, 2010 at 12:27 amSo powerful and so right on time for me today.
January 21st, 2010 at 10:04 am