crossroads: discipline
January 20, 2010 | Knowing Christ, Living Free, Nurturing Family
Melissa and I stood toe to toe. She eyeballed me, looking me up and down. “No!” she said, and then she tossed the dishtowel to the side.
I sighed. A four-year-old was getting the best of me.
It all started with a spilled glass of milk. No big deal at all. She was four. It was an accident. Lucky us, a little corner of the floor would be cleaner than the rest after we were through. I grabbed a dishtowel when I saw the glass knock over and milk splash on the floor.
“Let’s clean this up, baby,” I said.
I had this wild theory as a mom — that if we tackled stuff together it taught the children stuff like “let’s clean up our messes”, and yet they always knew that mom was there to help them. And it would be fun at the same time, right?
It worked with my other children. They bought into the idea that scrambling to pick up as many toys as you could in three minutes was fun, especially if mom made odd noises or played music, or you tried to dunk the toy in to the toybox with deadly aim.
But Melissa saw through my plan.
At four, she stared me down, her little hands on her hips. “No.”
I picked it up. I sighed. “Sis, it’s no big deal that you spilled the milk. Accidents happen. Now, let’s get rid of this milk.”
She took the dishtowel, stared at me, and tossed it again.
Are you serious?
Now it wasn’t about spilled milk. It was an entirely different lesson. I didn’t need a mom victory, but this fierce, tenacious, fiery, beautiful little child couldn’t do this.
I won’t ever forget that day. We both ended up in tears. The stupid milk got wiped up. Our “fun lesson” was far from fun for either of us. At the end of it, she climbed into my lap, wrapped her arms around my neck, and the world was right again.
Today Melissa is one of the most amazing women I know. She’s my daughter, but also my friend. I treasure her friendship, her wisdom, and yes–her fire, tenacity, passion, and fierceness.
Sometimes when we are in the crossroads — stuck, going backwards — it’s wise to ask, “is there a chance that I’m supposed to be learning something here?”
I hate the word “discipline” when it’s misused, especially as a parent. Discipline doesn’t mean beating someone down, breaking their spirit, abusing them, or even punishment. It means training.
That’s a word I like–unless, of course, I’m the one being disciplined.
In this all-out match against sin, others have suffered far worse than you, to say nothing of what Jesus went through–all that bloodshed! So don’t feel sorry for yourselves. Or have you forgotten how good parents treat children, and that God regards you as his children?
My dear child, don’t shrug off God’s discipline, but don’t be crushed by it either. It’s the child he loves that he disciplines; the child he embraces, he also corrects. God is educating you; that’s why you must never drop out. He’s treating you as dear children. This trouble you’re in isn’t punishment; it’s training, the normal experience of children. Only irresponsible parents leave children to fend for themselves. Would you prefer an irresponsible God?
We respect our own parents for training and not spoiling us, so why not embrace God’s training so we can truly live? 10 While we were children, our parents did what seemed best to them. But God is doing what is best for us, training us to live God’s holy best. At the time, discipline isn’t much fun. It always feels like it’s going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it’s the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God.
I’ve been in training sessions before. Maybe it wasn’t God that brought the crossroads my way, but He taught me to trust Him in the midst of it.
Maybe I was the one who brought me to the crossroads — my decisions, my actions, and I find myself in a spiritual wilderness thinking God has forgotten me.
That’s when I want to isolate, pull away from people, or even God. And yet this is when God is truly my Father.
“Suz, you’ve made a mess. Let me help you clean that up. You don’t have to do it alone, but I want you to take responsibility. To grow. To learn. Because this isn’t where I planned for you to be.”
Sometimes I’ve glared at Him.
Sometimes I’ve gratefully accepted His hand in mine. And that’s when I move forward.
Questions to ask today if you are in the crossroads:
- What is God teaching me?
- Have I isolated myself from others, from God?
- Do I realize He still loves me like crazy and wants to be my Father (the good kind) in this hard place?
Father, thank you for teaching us, for not leaving us stuck. Thank you for growth, for your hand in ours, for lifting us up and over when we don’t know how to do it ourselves. Thank you that there is no place big enough, far enough away, bad enough, or desperate enough that You can’t reach me today. In the powerful name of Jesus. Amen.
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LOVE this post. NEEDED this post… in so many different ways. Thank you!
January 20th, 2010 at 9:56 amJust one more post on the crossroads, but I’ve loved the interaction and all the honest comments. I appreciate you, Crystal.
January 20th, 2010 at 10:17 amThanks so much for the encouraging words. I loved how you defined dicipline… training. Wow, I never looked at it that way.
January 20th, 2010 at 3:48 pmBlessing to you today,
Debbie
Great lesson Suzie. I love the illustration with your daughter to set the stage for God being our disciplinarian. Amen.
January 20th, 2010 at 4:03 pmI had a meltdown with God the day I won your book. I have been wrestling with Him on a few things. Today I broke down and cried. (Your story today was a picture of me, only older: ) I know God is working with me. He won the battle. After I straightened up this morning, He gave me the giant step I need to take!
Your crossroads posts have been personally marked for me to pay attention as I move forward. Thank you Suzanne. I felt I should share this. I pray you are feeling better today. Thanks again. B
January 20th, 2010 at 10:03 pmAmen!
January 21st, 2010 at 10:29 am