unpacking
April 13, 2010 | Living Free
The email was confusing. Lots of Jesus stuff thrown in with an edge. I never like emails like that.
I don’t understand why my fellow believers send them. One theory is that email is faceless. People act in a way that they never would face to face. The other is that we are all a work in progress, and perhaps this is where they are in their journey.
My first instinct was to hit delete. But a wise friend once shared with me that almost all criticism, even that which is off center or harshly worded or aimed, has some value.
“Unpack it,” she said. “Throw away what doesn’t fit, what is in error, and look for truth. If you don’t find it, then at least you have dealt with it without getting emotions all tangled up in it.”
The first time I did this it felt strange. I wasn’t sure if it was good advice or just another way to tack on guilt or a to-do list item.
I found insight. Sometimes into my own behavior or motives, and at other times into that of the criticizer. It was especially valuable in close relationships. I almost always found nuggets of truth, and was able to work through it with that person with calm and clarity.
It’s been a long time since I’ve had to “unpack” anything, but a series of emails have hit my inbox recently from a stranger. Another one popped in my inbox today.
I thought these would prove my wise friend wrong. They are off the mark. Unreasonable. And, if I’m honest, they make me uncomfortable because they use Jesus to hammer their viewpoint. I don’t agree with their view, and I think this kind of approach creates a great deal of confusion for people looking at faith from the outside in.
I unpacked the first one carefully. I was able to see that person’s POV. The second and third, not so much. But having unpacked each, I can respond..and then move on. That in itself is valuable.
How do you respond to criticism, especially if you believe it is unfair?
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Pray for the person, respond politely and move on.
April 13th, 2010 at 6:23 pmI “unpack it” carefully these days. I used to be reactionary and get inflamed about it. I then started hitting the delete key on emails I received. The other thing that I stand firm in is if someone posts something negative ripping someone/something apart I censor it and remove the post. The posters don’t like it. Well, I don’t apologize for my faith. I’m unashamed of Jesus. If someone doesn’t like my censorship then they can move on. And they do. I pray for them though.
April 13th, 2010 at 11:01 pmI tend to let criticism deflate and defeat me for awhile. I NEED to be reminded to look at it objectively. God’s been speaking to me lately about my people pleasing tendencies. Your post fit right in with His messages. Thank you, Suzie.
April 14th, 2010 at 7:45 amalways look for the nugget of truth in all criticism… its hard, but important.
i find out so much about people often by what they criticize. Their hurts and pains, and how I can minister to them – even if they have been nasty with me.
April 14th, 2010 at 1:06 pmSeriously that is the BEST advice I have ever heard regarding criticism! I have only been confronted a few times and it literally took me a year get through the thickest packing tape of pride you have ever seen! Then I began to see the truth of their POV. Amazing lessons learned. I don’t know about you but since I am confident and straightforward I think many people don’t confront me. That or they just pray and let the Lord deal with me and that is more painful I am sure. If what you experienced is unfair and you have gleaned the truthful pieces then you can borrow the mantra I say all the time, “Forgive them Father for they know not what they do.”
Thanks for sharing!!
April 16th, 2010 at 5:34 pm