your family tree {{giveaway}}
May 10, 2010 | Faith: Knowing Christ, Family: Nurturing Family, Feelings: Intentional freedom
I stood in the small church nestled in the heart of the Rockies. I closed my eyes, wishing…. praying….longing… for a loved one to know Jesus. This desire was not wrapped around moral reasons, or hoping she’d find the straight and narrow, but because Jesus loves her with a great love and she hasn’t realized that yet.
And that love is life changing.
It changes not only individuals, but it changes entire generations. It so marks the lives of those who meet Him that a new direction is cut, regardless of generations of time-worn paths of dysfunction.
This July Elle will be born. I rejoice in my grandchild’s birth simply because she “is”… but I also can’t help but know that she can look back two generations and find only wholeness.
That’s what can happen when Christ enters the picture.
As I stood in that church a couple of months ago, I prayed for healing for my loved one. And then God helped me to refocus. I saw my niece with her hands raised in the air. I saw my nephew, a new believer, taking it all in. I saw my nephew-in-law, a man of growing faith and trust, with his arm around his younger brother-in-law. And suddenly I realized that 30 years of prayers were fruitful. Seeds dropped from heaven into the hearts of first-generation believers in this secondary branch of my family tree.
God was working.
God is listening.
God is faithful.
How amazing for Him to love my loved one so much that He reaches down and gently molds and shapes and heals the heart of those this loved one treasures most.
If you arrived here today from my devotion “My Family Tree“, please let me pray with you. If you are hurt because of your past, please let me believe with you for greater things.
If you are asking God for a miracle in your family tree, I ask that you invite Christ to let that miracle begin with you today.
Leave a comment or a prayer request (I’ll check this post and the previous since I posted late today — Mom’s Day activities!) and I’ll choose one comment at the end of the week to win an autographed copy of The Mom I Want to Be: Rising Above the Past to Give Your Kids a Great Future).
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Thank you for this devotion. As a parent of teenage girls, I can so relate!
May 10th, 2010 at 12:57 pmGod is the ultimate parent. I’m thankful that I can hope in his redeeming power in my life as a mom, my husband’s fathering and in my kids’ lives.
May 10th, 2010 at 12:59 pmI am a mother to 4 children. We have adopted my husband
May 10th, 2010 at 1:00 pms nephew who we love dearly. It can be challenging on some days to mother a child who is part of our family tree, but has issues from his past. Every day I pray for strength anew for that day.
Enjoyed your devotion!!
I could see both me and my sister in law using this book!!!
May 10th, 2010 at 1:07 pmWondeful, hopeful, encouraging devotion today, Suzanne! Thanks! Please pray for my brother and nephew to be delivered from drug addiction.
May 10th, 2010 at 1:15 pmI can relate to Sharon. I have four children. Three of our own and a 4th which is my husband sisters boy (our nephew). It is challenging to have all the boys “fit” together in God’s plan. I struggle with being a great mom. I enjoy being filled each day by your words of encouragement. Thank you for sharing the “meat” and not just the “milk” of life. I appreciate you.
May 10th, 2010 at 1:16 pmplease pray for me to be free of my alcohol addiction and to be able to show my daughter the love she needs and to say the right things [i never do] thank you
May 10th, 2010 at 1:25 pmI am a young mother of two little girls. Since I grew up in a dysfunctional home I don’t always know how to break those negative patterns. Your devotional offerred me encouragement and hope – that God can change me and my family with time and prayer and that God can use that pain and heartache to help someone else in their time of need.
May 10th, 2010 at 1:30 pmThanks so much for the devotion you shared on your blog and through the Proverbs 31 ministry email. I have struggled to change the direction of my family tree’s branches and it is so encouraging to see how you can now see God’s answer to your prayers from years before.
May 10th, 2010 at 1:35 pmUnlike most women that will read and be moved by this devotion, I am not yet a mother. I haven’t been able to get pregnant yet and I’m starting to go down a potentially long road of tests to determine why. The road is scary but Jesus promises to be by my side. I talked with my own mother yesterday about how I was feeling, how hard it is to wait and have faith that God will give me a child when month by month my hope seems to drain away. And she told me to do all that I can–not just the tests and changing eating habits and all those things doctors say to do—but to do all I can spiritually. So last night I began to pray from the depths of my heart and soul for God to make me the mom that I want to be even before I have conceived my first child. A mom that will create a home that is a sanctuary from the world, a mom that will reflect God’s presence.
May 10th, 2010 at 1:43 pmMy husband and I both come from Christian families but those families sill have divorce and ‘drama’ and lots of pain. Your devotion encourages me that if we graft in faith, as you say, God can equip us to be better and do better and keep the faith better than the generations before us.
So I’m praying for the little ones I don’t have yet–not to GET them as I have been–but praying for the world they will come into, for the family they will be part of.
Thank you for this devotion!
I am a pastors wife and so ashamed to be struggling so much in the area of letting my past dictate my present and future. Once again, my own mother has shown her very conditional love and I am truly having a hard time believing a miracle can happen for the pain and even (yes, ashamed) hatred I have in my heart for her hurting me. I will say my relationship with my own children is amazing though. I went ahead and ordered your book as I am experiencing an especially emotionally crippling time right now.
May 10th, 2010 at 1:49 pmWow, Suzie, this is so timely for me. I was raised in a Christian home but my husband was not. He became a Christian as an adult, and we met shortly after. He was on fire for God, and supposedly left his past behind. Now, almost 10 years later, he is drowning in addiction to alcohol, a disease being passed down in his “family tree”. I am committed to him, but the alcohol is getting harder to deal with. My 4 year old son asked me the other day, “Mommy, am I old enough to drink beer yet?” It is so hard to have faith that God will deliver my 2 precious boys (and a baby on the way) from this sin that Satan is using to hold my husband down. I don’t know what to do. Should a godly wife simply pray and wait? Or should she take some sort of action? I feel that inaction is the same as showing approval at this point. And I feel like if it was just me, I could just be quiet and pray for him, but my children see him, day in and day out, drowning himself in alcohol and smoking cigarettes. I have been struggling with asking someone for godly advice, but I don’t want to dishonor my husband by telling people I know about this. Any advice/prayer would be appreciated.
May 10th, 2010 at 2:14 pmThank you so much for your devotion. I find myself in a constant battle with myself to be a better mother to my nine year old daughter. I seem to give in to the past instead of parenting with God’s help. Thank you for the inspiration!
May 10th, 2010 at 2:24 pmthe part of my family tree that is diseased is on my ex-husband’s side. My children are being exposed to the exact opposite of the values that I hope to instill in them. Last night, my 10 yr old dd announced that she hopes that she has a rich boyfriend when she is a teenager so that she can have a baby like cousin L. I gasped. Then ds age 8 cheered her on because he wants to be an uncle at a young age! huh? so we sat down and talked about God’s desire for us to be in a joyous marriage when we have children. We talked about how much harder it is to be one parent in the family. We talked about how God loves our bodies and isn’ finished building them until we are adults. And then I prayed. Oh how I prayed. How can I give my children values when they see the opposite celebrated on weekends?
May 10th, 2010 at 2:33 pmI am so often struggling with my relationship with my preteen daughter and although my parents were good ones, they made mistakes that I find myself repeating. I pray that things would change though God’s help and would love to read your book for more input. Thank you.
May 10th, 2010 at 2:34 pmI loved your devotional today. I have struggled with my past and the negative effects its had on me. I would like prayer for my own family tree; that hurts be mended and love shines through. Thank you and God Bless!
May 10th, 2010 at 2:42 pmI sit here with such a knot in my throat! Your devotion today spoke to me immensely. I have two little girls, 2 and 4. At the end of nearly every day, I wish I could have a “do-over” for that day as a Mommy. I don’t want to be impatient. I don’t want to hold them to such high standards that I push them away from me. I want to ENCOURAGE in the midst of discipline. I want to hold them instead of badger them. I want to show them joy and true unconditional love. I want them to see Jesus in me! Thank you for such godly wisdom and insight. I would ask that you pray for our family as we adjust to my husband just returning from an 8 month deployment to Afghanistan, while getting ready for a move to a new city/state. Thank you so much for your encouragement! I can’t wait to see God work in our “family tree!”
May 10th, 2010 at 2:47 pmOnce again, through the Prov 31 devotionals, God is speaking to me. Thank you for this devotional today. It’s very timely. Both 1 and my husband are from very broken family trees, but God brought us together in order to create a new tree. One that is nourished daily by the word of God and is watered daily by the worship songs we sing to God. We pray that our brokenness can be learned from by our 4 children, but pray they never have to experience the anguish we have. Thank you for the encouragement to keep fighting to grow a Godly family tree despite all the non-Godly influences we, the broken, have in our pasts, as well as our present extended family.
May 10th, 2010 at 2:49 pmI grew up in a home with verbal abuse and some physical abuse. I find myself heading in those directions at times with my own children but I am thankful I have a Father that I can call out to who will hear my prayer and give me strength.
May 10th, 2010 at 4:14 pmThanks for a wonderful post today. I’m a SAH-Homeschooling mom of 4. Most days are great, then there are those days that are just sooo crazy and nervewracking!! I thank God for the children He’s blessed me with.
May 10th, 2010 at 5:01 pmThanks!
It’s uncanny how this is the devotional today. I was just thinking this morning that if I were to look up the meaning of dysfunctional in the dictionary, I’ll probably find my family’s picture in it. It’s one of the reasons why I fought so hard for my marriage…I did not want my son to grow up the same way I did. I wanted better for him but it wasn’t to be. What I’m beginning to realize though is I can be a single parent like my mom was yet not make the same mistakes she did. It’s hard and I’m exhausted all the time. It feels like I’m always fighting something or someone. It’s only by God’s grace that I’m still here.
May 10th, 2010 at 5:05 pmThank you for your message today! Like so many others who have posted, I grew up in a “walking on egg shells” relationship with my mom. So becoming a mom myself was a BIG deal…how was I going to do it with a not so great real life example? I was constantly saying to myself, don’t screw up, don’t do this, just be better at…
May 10th, 2010 at 5:19 pmThen one day the words of our family counselor came to mind. “Though your intentions are good, when you’re focusing on how NOT to do something…you’re focus and attention is still directed toward what you do not want to do, instead shift your focus on what you want to become and then take baby steps toward that.” Combining this thought process with the grace and forgiveness God offers, I’ve begun to become who I am in Christ, not who I believed I was for many years. My teachers and blessings from God have been my husband, son and daughter. Your devotional helps women like me find affirmation and hope. Thank you, Wendy
2 hours ago I was crying over my washing machine. I had nothing left to give. Empty, cold, lonely. It’s how I felt so it’s where I went. I cried, I prayed then I came up to face life. Dinner is ready to eat soon so I sat down for 2 minutes to check my email and wondered where my Proverbs 31 devotion was…it was in the junk mail. Who knows why today it was there but I found it. I think that was God speakng right to me…kind of gives me goosebumps. He was looking out for me when I was in the basement, He gave me a few minutes to sit down and check my email and there you were. Thank you from a ‘basement mom’.
May 10th, 2010 at 6:24 pmApple, a very good support program (faith-based) is Celebrate Recovery. I have two very good friends who found it to be supportive as they broke their addiction and grew as women of faith and strength. http://www.celebraterecovery.com/ They are small groups held in churches all across the nation. I pray you look into this, sis. Sometimes we just need extra support as we bravely move away from those things we hate so we can be healthy for those we love.
May 10th, 2010 at 6:59 pmJamie, Support is good (MOPS is a good group for moms with small children). Unpacking is good. Unpacking is taking a good look at the things that were handed down to us as legacy (both good and bad), and honestly looking at those legacies we are carrying into the next generation. If it’s yelling, then it’s important to unpack yelling so you can pack conflict resolution, boundaries, consequences and encouragement (a good source is Kevin Lehman’s book, Have a New Kid by Friday and my book, The Mom I Want to Be goes into detail on how to pack and unpack parenting methods). The good news is that you care so much. I hear your heart. I rarely worry about those who see it and want to change it. It’s those who don’t see it and keep on walking in the unhealthy paths.
May 10th, 2010 at 7:03 pmI grew up in an abusive alcoholic home. That trauma continues to shape me today, despite prayer. I thought that I had dealt with it, for the most part. However, after adopting our two beautiful daughters, my oldest has many emotional problems and she is abusive, controlling and quite frankly reminds me of my abusive father. I love her, but I am afraid for her, as she seems to be going away from God. Also, due to her behavior, issues of pain and having a sense of no control over the situation are coming up and are so painful. I need help with my own issues so that I can parent my oldest child with more compassion. We both need help and healing. This sweet child always keeps our entire family in an uproar and I am at the end of my rope. I am crying out to God to help our entire family.
May 10th, 2010 at 7:52 pmSuzie
I’m in a rotten work situation. I’m barely hanging on. My job changed 4 times this year and currently it’s the armpit of positions. Top it off with a cantankerous fellow employee and I’m falling apart!
I have 16 more work days to go before summer break….but I’m worried my heart won’t stand another day of the stress.
Please pray for me.
I need peace about my future (I don’t think I can come back next year)!
I can’t just quit work…..feeling pretty trapped.
love your devo!
May 10th, 2010 at 8:08 pmThank you so much for your devotionals and this book.
May 10th, 2010 at 9:09 pmI grew up in a dysfunctional home, and for many years was very angry with my parents for the way they handled things. But at one point, I was able to forgive them, for I realized that they were probably doing the best they could given their circumstances. They both knew Jesus when they passed away, so I know they are in heaven now. I pray often for God to help me to parent my three girls in such a way that the “curse” stops. I do not want to pass any bad patterns on, and I also want to be healed myself. Thank you for writing this.
May 10th, 2010 at 9:18 pmI feel so blessed by the family that I grew up in and the family God has given me, but so often I feel like I fall short as a mom myself. I have a new job this year and it has been a stressful change. I often feel like I have a difficult time balancing work and my homelife and feel like my family suffers because of it. I want so badly to be a good mom and not yell so much & to be more encouraging and playful, but I continue to fall into that hurry up attitude. I appreciate Proverbs 31, as God has used this ministry & the devotions to calm and speak to me. Thank you and all of you moms out there who are willing to share.
May 10th, 2010 at 10:17 pmThank you for your truthful words. I am daily realizing that my past doesn’t have to dictate my future, but by God’s grace and help he can shepard me as I parent. I know I need to trust God daily with how to love my childrend and husband. This devotion was very timely for me. As mother’s day just past, I was grieving pain of a very unhealthy extended family. Definately not what I would have picked, but I am learning to trust God’s graciousness and faithfulness. Who knows what God can plant, water, fertilize, and grow in this broken ground. Thanks again for your encouragement.
May 10th, 2010 at 10:32 pmThank you for this devotion. It really touches me and helps me to see that I’m not alone in wanting to be different than my mother was. So far, I’m not doing as good of a job as I would like to. I grew up with a single parent mother, with my father not really in my life much. My mother was not a Christian, we lived with my grandparents. My mother was always tired from working, and didn’t always have the time to spend with me that I wanted. I have broken part of this chain…. I am married and have 4 children in the home with one on the way. I was on only child. Reading this devotion today gave me some encouragement to pray more about this specifically. I really could use your book to help me through the process! Thank you again for your encouraging words of wisdom!
May 10th, 2010 at 10:42 pmI really appreciate your Family Tree devotion. It is very timely and very applicable to my current situation. I am a mother of 4 and am dealing with some anger issues towards my parents and their dysfunction. I do not want to repeat the same patterns in my marriage or my parenting that I learned so well from them. With God’s help and His gift of a strong protective godly husband, I am learning to trust in God for his provision and blessing for my family. I am learning how truly dependent I am on HIM! And, He has blessed me yet again by leading me to your devotion. He is an awesome God! Thank you for your honest sharing. It has meant a lot to me.
May 10th, 2010 at 11:25 pmHi Suzanne,
I just remember that Jesus took far worse than I have.
May 11th, 2010 at 12:44 amWell, even if I don’t win a copy of your book, I am buying it online in a few minutes:) I was really moved by your devotion, Reshaping my Family Tree from Proverbs 31 ministries.
That is exactly what I am in the middle of doing now. I have been trying so hard to change the kind of parent I am and just had a fight with my younger sister because she told me that I can’t because of our past and no matter what I do my kids will be like that. Her words were “Our kids will be smoking pot in the backyard and you taking them to church and putting them in soccer won’t change it.” I know that sounds completely insane, but that is my sister’s mentality and because she has no higher hopes for her own daughter.
I had my brother today tell me the same thing but differently because he said he read a study that it was all genetics and basically no matter what I do I can’t control the outcome of my children’s lives.
So your words were extremely inspiring to me! I thought, see Cass, don’t give up yet. Both of my parents were and still are alcholics. My father was extremely physically and mentally abusive and we were very poor. He was in and out of our lives and my mother was a waitress so she worked a lot and mostly at night. It is impossible to explain my circumstances growing up but as you can imagine it wasn’t exactly a perfect enviroment.
I am the oldest of 6 and every one of my brothers and sisters are also alcholics. I was headed down not exactly the same road but, not much better until 3 years ago when I heard the gospel and took Jesus’ road instead. I always knew that I needed to change from the way my parents were but, it was so hard and I had no guidance at all. I had no role models and didn’t even understand what love and trust really were.
I have 3 beautiful children and just want them to grow up loving the Lord with all of their heart. I know everything else will fall into place.
I can’t wait to read both your book and the other one you recommended by Mary DeMuth. Thank you so much for your words. You have no idea how much encouragement they have provided me!
I to have been praying for salvation for my entire family. I pray all the time that they would understand God’s love and how it would change their life. I think one of my brothers are starting to think about it more. The other ones just tease me for talking about it. I have now officially become the bible banger
I also keep trying to tell my sister she is worthy of God’s love but she doesn’t want to hear it because it is easier for her to feel sorry for herself. It is terribly sad.
In any case, God is so wonderful to point me in your direction. I know He knows everything and He knows that I definitely need some help with coping with the things from my past. My guilt, anger, frustrations, temper, you name it I have it
I know this post is a little long, I was just so excited to know that I was not the only one struggling to start a generation right.
Thank you again! -Cassie
Please pray for my parents, K & G, and for my sister, brothers- and sisters-in-law, neices and nephews for salvation. I already lay claim that all things become new since I am in Christ. My mom has rheumatoid arthritis and MS and the devil tries to worry me that I will suffer from these things as well, but I know I am a new creature. Praise God for His love! Praying God will touch each of the needs listed here and bless you for your devotional. You have certainly been God’s voice in touching hearts. God bless.
May 11th, 2010 at 2:11 amRead your devotion and it really spoke to me. It’s hard sometimes to remember to keep our focus on God and share that with our children when so many worldly things are trying to take up all our time. I will definitely be reading more of your blog!
May 11th, 2010 at 9:59 amOne question that irritates me the most is “I know it’s important to be a mother,–BUT–what do you do? What a huge slap in the face to God, mothers, and thier children!
My family tree is diseased and bruised by the very things you mentioned in this article. I have a beautiful 16-year-old daughter. Without the Lord’s guidance and the conviction of the Holy Spirit, I could have destroyed her life, like my parents almost did to mine. It was HARD WORK, weeding out things I’ve learned growing up. I’m happy to say that my daughter’s grown into a wonderful, happy young woman, and she never had to experience what I did.
In answer to the question, “What do you DO?”:
I am a mother, am God’s child and because of Him, I’ve broken the curse of abuse in my family. It was very tough, and was more important than anything else I could’ve “done.”
Raising children in the way God wants us to is the most important job on earth! I hope that all mothers remember that. Motherhood is the highest calling!
May 11th, 2010 at 10:54 amThank you, for this message. I am a SAH- homeschooling mom. I have an 11 yr. old daughter and we are currently in the process of adopting a 9 yr. old girl. My Father passed away this year and we do not have any other family. I have never felt God’s precense more then now. He is always walking with us!
May 11th, 2010 at 10:55 amI’ve already raised three of my four sons, and have two in college. My ‘baby’ is still at home, just stepping into adolescence. I was a child of abuse for most of my formative years. I feared that I would repeat bad patterns, but had great determination to do things differently. I made many mistakes, and looking back I wish I had been more patient, etc., but I did the best I could and prayed daily for more patience!
This time goes by so quickly. I loved the advice you gave in the devo relating raising a child to growing and pruning a plant (I’m a horticulturist!). Especially important was your thought to keep your eye on the “harvest”; to look ahead to the future you are creating. This little person will grow up so quickly, and the piles of laundry and school papers will all be gone, along with the stuffed animals and toys.
What I have learned is important is to take time to look your children in the eye when they talk with you. Stop working for just a few minutes. It’s hard, it’s hard even now that I have only one at home! I pray that I can make it through one more adolescent’s struggles and separation from me. The hardest part for me is letting go. I pray that I will leave a legacy of loving God and that my children will know Him and dedicate their lives to honoring Him.
May 11th, 2010 at 11:13 amThank you so much for this devotional. I have three children, ages 8, 5 and 5. And most days just getting them up, out the door and to school is a battle. I often feel incompetent as a mother. I too want to change my family tree and am praying daily for guidance! God is awesome in His timing! I so needed this!
May 11th, 2010 at 11:26 amI enjoyed reading this- I am blessed to have been born into a family with both parents as believers and the fruits of this have been realized in both my brother and myself becoming Christians. I am married to a Christian man, and now my prayer is that God would use my husband and myself in the lives of our children, to guide them to Him.
May 11th, 2010 at 3:43 pmMy Dad is very sick with lung cancer and he has been ‘agnostic’ my whole life. He has been critical of my ‘faith’ in Christ for many many years and I agonize daily knowing he is now agonizing constantly because of this and I am desperate for him to surrender to Jesus Christ. My Mother passed away 25 years ago and he decided that “if there was a God, someone as sweet as my mother wouldn’t have gone through what she did.” When she died a cousin asked me if I was mad at God because He had not healed my mother? I replied “He ‘did’ heal her! She’s not ‘sick’ anymore!” My 3 grown kids 21, 23 & 27 are now struggling and doubting too! I was diagnosed with MS 10 yrs ago and I am dependent on their assistance now so they now question why God would ‘do’ this to me! To make it worse their father had an affair and left us 17 years ago (when my kids were only 4, 6 & 10) and remarried 7 years ago and has lived in the enemy’s deception ever since. I know these awful things are the result of this fallen world and the effects of sin in it, but it is a huge burden to see all my loved ones struggling in the deceptions of the enemy. The result is that all of their father figures have been ‘lost’ and ‘deceived’. I am determined to restore our family tree to the Glory of God!!!! Please pray for Him to Guide Me and Strengthen Me and Show My kids the Love & Power & GRACE of Our Heavenly Father.
May 11th, 2010 at 10:46 pmMy husband left 7 months ago. I thought we were fine and he just said he was tired of pretending he loved me and he wanted out. He moved out a few weeks later then I found out he was having an affair. The thing is that he blames me because of my anger issues (family inheritance), and I am not denying there were problems, but he has becomes his father (which he thought he would never do) and he has never even met him. The other thing is he thinks he is not following in those generational curses because he still sees our son and will continue to see him no matter what. We need prayers desperately. I swing back and forth between 100% sure that God will restore us and full of hope and doubting that things will ever be fixed and I’ll just have to learn to be alone. He is desperate to prove that he has not made a mistake. I am determined to wait on God. I am praying hourly for a miracle. I know that we have issues. We both came to the marriage with baggage and thought that we could make it on our own. I am learning to trust God and know Him in a whole new way, and I am praying that the same thing happens for my sweet husband. Thank you for your prayers.
May 12th, 2010 at 3:49 pm