one thing
May 11, 2010 | Family: Nurturing Family, Feelings: Intentional freedom, Q&A: Dear Friend
I want to do better, Suzie.
I’m a pastor’s wife and I’m ashamed of the things I’m carrying into my children’s lives from my past.
Where do I start?
I’ve been reading your e-mails and your comments this morning, and I hear you. I get it. It’s hard to know where to begin, even when the desire to give your family, your children, you… something better.
Let’s start with one thing today. Take a walk back. Look long and hard into your past to see the things that marked you. Look at them honestly. Not as a victim, but as a strong woman who is looking at the choices made by others that kept you from running free.
If it’s yelling, abuse, making wrong choices in relationships, unhealthy conflict, addiction… then call it what it is. Again, not as a victim, but to grow past it. To see if you are carrying any form of it with you today.
For me, I didn’t know how to deal with conflict. In my home conflict was always bad, so rather than give in to conflict, I avoided it. Just as unhealthy. It made me super patient, falsely patient, while inside a volcano built. Push it down. Push it down. Push it down.
Then one day I realized that all families have conflict — even normal families. I had to deal with it. Rather than seeing it as a personal affront, it was a bump in the road and we could work through it. Without yelling. Without abuse. Sometimes feelings were involved, but that was okay. That’s normal. However, we loved each other and we would find a solution. Not in the heat of the moment. Not using accusations. Not spinning out harsh words that we couldn’t take back, but looking at the real issue and finding what worked for us.
It was one thing. One step towards normalcy.
I had to take other steps every time my past raised up to try to interfere with my desire to give my children something greater. Eventually normalcy–wholeness–became the natural inclination.
What is one thing, friends, that you need to look at today? What is one thing that you can invite Christ into, without reservation, so that you can find a better way?
One thing. One small step. I know you can do it.
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One thing I can do is not react. To sit back, pray for the Holy Spirit to bring wisdom, love and grace into the situation and then wait for that wisdom. Just this morning I read James 1:5 ….if you lack wisdom, ask for it. He is generous.
May 11th, 2010 at 12:30 pm