the beauty of time
June 3, 2010 | Just thinking out loud,Living Free
The girl in the first picture is 18. She’s working two jobs to try to stay in college. During the week, she’s an RA at a small community college, working at a desk, letting people in to their room after hours when they’ve had too much to drink to find their key, and on weekends she’s checking out groceries at a Tulsa grocery store.
Her grades aren’t as good as they should be, but she’s doing okay. She’s also met a guy named Richard. At 18, she said she wouldn’t go to college and meet and guy and fall a love. She’s serious. She wants an English degree, and perhaps will one day be a teacher. But the guy was really cute, and he could talk a mile a minute. She loves that.
In the second picture, that girl is all grown up. I marvel at what has taken place between in the 32 years between these pictures. Some things are still the same. Richard and I celebrated 30 years of marriage on our last anniversary. I still like him a lot, and I still love listening to him talk. ♥ I love English, and literature. I didn’t become the English teacher I thought I would, but I still play with words.
Other than that, there’s little resemblance. The first girl was searching. She was unsure. She had no clue where God was taking her, and if I’m honest, she had no clue that God could take her anywhere. She thought she had to fight and work and strive to find her way, and if she was lucky she might “win”.
The first girl was shy. Her confidence level low. She was strong. She was happy. But she thought people saw her through her eyes — a girl with something to offer, but not enough.
Isn’t time beautiful? I know that time brings things like wrinkles and gray hairs, but it also brings wisdom, and confidence, and a deep sense of who God is and what we mean to Him. It shows you who you can trust, and the power of prayer when times are hard. It slices away what is of little value so you can invest in what truly matters.
Pull out an old picture of yourself. Who was she? Who was he? What have you learned in the beauty of time?
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I am 38 and unfortunately, I still feel the way you described the 18 year old.
June 3rd, 2010 at 9:30 amMy 18 year old self was naive in the extreme. Sometimes my 42 year old self is, too. I wouldn’t go back for all the money in the world. I love where God has me. It’s just where He wants me.
June 3rd, 2010 at 10:19 amOh Suzy… what a challenge…. I don’t want to go back to that time…. I let the past be the past and just know that God has made me wiser and used me in many ways and continues to do so in growing me and using me.
I enjoyed reading yours though.
The only picture I have from when I was 18 was my high school graduation picture. I was very proud at that time because I had worked so hard to be able to graduate. However, I’ve been through two more graduations… from college since then… A huge sense of accomplishment. God is so awesome and powerful.
June 3rd, 2010 at 11:57 amSometimes I look back at the past, but only to see what God can do. I don’t mind remembering, because it’s such a powerful reminder of what it means to be a woman of faith, a child of a God who loves and heals and delivers and who takes me where He always knew I could go. For me, that’s not writing books or speaking. It’s being mom to Leslie, Ryan, and Melissa (and also Stephen, Kristin, and Josh) and soon, Gramma to Elle. It’s loving Richard. It’s waking up and feeling God, feeling free.
June 7th, 2010 at 5:19 pmIt’s knowing whose girl I am. I love hearing your comments. Let’s keep talking, friends.
My 18 year old self was so much more confident than my more than 40 self. She knew who she was, and where she was going. I got part of the way, and then life kicked me in the butt. Its kind of funny, the “he” in the picture is now a friend, and we wonder about what would have happened if we had got married. He has his story, with grown children and grandchildren. I have my story, young children being raised by just me, seeing their dad live a different way than I want them to live. But God has also shown me that I am much stronger than I ever thought I would be. My daughter looks at me as a woman of strength, something that I still shake my head in wonder about. My boys want to grow up, meet a girl and fall in love and get married. One son says that I can take care of his babies while he works. God is so good, he sends us the families that we need, not just the ones that we dream of.
June 7th, 2010 at 5:36 pm