belated father’s day
June 22, 2010 | Family: Nurturing Family
He doesn’t look like me. He’s not my bio dad, but he’s my real dad. He met my mom when she was 21. She was a young woman holding a little girl by one hand, cusping her large pregnant belly with the other.
She lived in a small garage apartment, healing from an unhappy and abusive relationship. He married her when I was 9 months old.
Years later, my youngest brother came home from school. He was a little guy (I’m 10 years older). He had a black eye, but he assured us the other kid was just as bruised and beat up. The boy had tried to tell him that I wasn’t his “real” sister. Randy’s reaction was a tangible response to how we all felt.
We weren’t his and hers. We were family.
I don’t know how my dad felt marrying a woman with two young children, but he stepped into the role of dad right away. Our family life wasn’t perfect, but I will always appreciate and love this man who never made me feel anything less than his.
A few years back when I went to the funeral of my bio dad, I saw a man resting in a casket whose features mimicked mine. As much as I wished that I could, it wasn’t possible to muster deep feelings for a stranger, a man I met twice.
I was sad for the children he raised who loved him dearly, and sad that he had lost his battle with cancer, but as a daughter….it just wasn’t there.
Parenting isn’t about conception. It’s about time. It’s relationship.
So, to the man who looks nothing like me, who paid for my school clothes, who worked faithfully for 25 years so we could all eat and have a roof over our head, who has a laugh that makes me crack up because it sounds like the old cartoon character “Smedley”, who calls me “babes” when I call to talk, who kicked the tires of a 100 cars when I was looking for my first ride, who walked me down the aisle… Happy Father’s Day, Dad.
I love you like crazy.
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Sweet Suze!
June 22nd, 2010 at 5:42 pmWow, this touched my heart. My dad passed away when I was but 7.5 years old. My mom never remarried so I truly missed not having a father around. I am very much with you on the fact that a true father is NOT the one that conceives but the one who does the loving, the caring, and the providing. Thank you for sharing with us.
June 25th, 2010 at 12:37 am