I found myself again
December 9, 2010 | Just me, Ministry Life
I almost got lost. Do you know the feeling? I’m a girl who has loved Jesus for a long time, and ministry was a natural direction simply because I couldn’t imagine not sharing who He is.
That led to books, and articles, and speaking. All amazing gifts. I loved watching God work. Seeing women respond to His message. But somewhere, somehow, in the past several months I got a little lost. My love for Christ was still strong, still there, but the intimacy of knowing Him faded.
I was aware that it was missing. So painfully aware. So I kept pushing on. Still studying. Still walking. Thinking that somehow this was my “wilderness”, a religious/churchy phrase for times when you don’t feel God. Knowing that it can’t be about feelings, but simply walking and trusting.
Last month I spoke at a little church and two women approached me afterwards. Sisters. I could see that life had treated them cruely. We were sitting and I asked to pray with one of the women and she knelt and placed her forehead on my knees. She wrapped her arms around my legs, and in beautiful, simple absolute love and adoration for Christ she waited for me to pray.
And I melted.
Tears come even as I write this, because suddenly I remembered all over again why I do what I do. Because Christ transforms lives. He transformed mine. And the privilege of feeling her forehead pressed on my knees, sister to sister, her life held up to Christ, her arms wrapped around my legs, was one of the most precious and beautiful moments.
And in that moment I felt the presence and love and power of God all over again. It washed over me. It flooded me.
Last week I shared how I needed to make a time and a place… but I also needed to make a place in my heart by removing the title of “speaker” or “author”. Yes, that’s a privilege that I’ll continue to do, but first and always I’m just Suzie, His girl. If speaking and writing come out of that, awesome. If He says “enough”, that’s okay too.
Because knowing Him, feeling Him, having that relationship that gently teaches, rebukes, challenges, soothes, comforts, strengthens, and simply loves is where it all begins.
And yet the beauty of that intimacy is that ministry takes its rightful place and its rightful direction, and somehow all over again we see who Jesus is, and what He can do in the lives of others.
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Suzie…when I get to this place I like to ask myself what happened…was there an event, a rejection, disappointment…etc that led me a “wandering in the wilderness.” God is so faithful. His service is both a blessing and a heavy burden to see others come to know HIM…I will pray that this takes you to a higher level in HIM for yor family, ministry and you.
Even those of us who are the caretakers, sacrificers of the world need to sometimes sit in a corner…sit in a corner, then turn on your favorite music, and enjoy some intimate time with the FATHER.
December 9th, 2010 at 12:17 pmGod does transform. I am in sore need of a transformation. I need healing and I need to change. Change my heart, change my mind. Learn new habits and patterns of thinking. Free myself from the bondage of my past and my twisted thinking and feelings. Will you pray for me?
December 9th, 2010 at 1:35 pmDear Daughter of the King…..
God wants you to know how loved you are. While praying for you He laid some scripture on my heart to share with you.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
Though we do not know what tomorrow holds, we certainly know who holds tomorrow. Even when it is hard to trust Him completely, we have to for true peace of mind. For when we give Him all control, He is then in the driver’s seat. The struggles you face right now are more than what they seem on the surface.
Ephesians 6:12-13 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day and having done all, to stand.
1 Chronicles 28:20 And David said to Solomon his son, Be strong and of good courage, and do it: fear not, nor be dismayed: for the Lord God, even my God, will be with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee, until thou hast finished all the work for the service of the house of the Lord.
The devil knows your great potential to reach your loved ones and those around you for Christ. And he is not very happy. Be strong in the Lord!! And most importantly keep up the awesome life of living for Him. The trails & struggles will come, but you will not fight them alone. He is there with you every step you take. And although you may not know who I am, you are in my prayers. Though we are strangers in this world, we share the same life giving blood of Jesus, our Savior!
Trish, I will continue to pray for you.
December 10th, 2010 at 10:15 amyour Sister in Christ
Michelle
I’m humbled before the LORD just by reading this Suzie… I know that intimacy… I too, at times, get lost… distracted with the World. I love feeling the presence of GOD and letting it wash over me… it’s such a peaceful, warm and loving feeling. AMEN!
December 10th, 2010 at 10:43 amWhen I reach this place I will Dance on the streets that are GOLDEN!!
December 10th, 2010 at 11:26 amThank you Suzi
I so love the feeling of “home” when we come to Him. No agendas, no requests, just to be in His presence, totally and completely loved and welcomed by Him. Thanks Suzie for your openness and honesty. Be blessed.
December 10th, 2010 at 3:42 pmYes, Trish. I certainly will. God, thank you for your daughter and for your great love for her. Your love is not based on our feelings. It’s not based on our worth, but the worth of Your Son. I pray that you draw Trish to a place where she senses You and is filled to overflowing, In the powerful, mighty name of Jesus
December 10th, 2010 at 3:47 pmI too relate to the “His girl” title. I think the Apostle Paul was saying the same kind of thing in this scripture.
December 13th, 2010 at 11:41 amPhil 3:8
8 Yes, all the things I once thought were so important are gone from my life. Compared to the high privilege of knowing Christ Jesus as my Master, firsthand, everything I once thought I had going for me is insignificant — dog dung.
(from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language © 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. All rights reserved.)
Our titles may elevate us in the eyes of others but belonging to Jesus is the ultimate. Thanks for the reminder. B
Thank you, Suzie. Beautiful moment you shared. I can see it: The tenderness of His presence.
I so want Him more than anything else. I’m hesitant to go out in ministry more because I don’t want to lose sight of Him. Fear stops me lately, which I know is not of Him. I pray as God calls me closer I will follow. I sense He is leading me back to my book idea. And that’s been something I have pushed away but by His grace He continues to remind me it’s still there.
I pray I will do ALL things as unto the Lord. Not for a title or a praise from others. But for my love of Him alone.
Jesus is the reason we live, move and have our being, right? I’m so thankful you shared this with us. I love your heart. I’m with you…
hugging you and thanking God for you.
December 13th, 2010 at 4:48 pmlove,
tiffany
Thank you Suzie, I love the sweet image of being “His girl”. I think at the core of every girl’s being, we want to be “his girl”.
December 13th, 2010 at 5:46 pm