Do you have a minute? {{giveaway}}
February 4, 2011 | Books, Encouragement for Today, Family: Nurturing Family
If you joined me from Encouragement for Today, welcome! I’m so glad that you are here.
Time. It seems to crawl when you are a nursing mom or a mom with toddlers, when everything you do is wrapped around that child’s needs. People say things like, “Time flies. Enjoy it while you can!”.
So you treasure that finger wrapped around yours, that sweet baby smile, and those drive-by kisses.
When they become teens, time goes into warp speed and suddenly everything the seasoned moms say makes sense. You still want to treasure that time, but sometimes its hard. You are juggling. Work. Laundry. Sports. Food. Church activities.
Maybe you feel like your relationship is distant because of those demands, or all of your conversations take place in a car, or all you do is throw out commands or instructions as you walk out the door to go to one more place.
But what do your teens really need from you? You might be surprised what teens say they need.
When I was writing Real Issues, Real Teens: What Every Parent Needs to Know I was a mom to three teens. I had worked with teens for 18 years as a youth staff member. But I needed insight. I loved connecting with teens, but desired to connect with my own children in a more powerful way.
So, in addition to talking with my own children about this subject, I started asking questions of teens from all over the nation, and what I discovered is that moms and dads matter. A lot.
Even though teens’ lives are on supersonic speed with school, with work, with friends.
Even though they might be embarrased at times by mom and dad, because we are uncool or somewhat cool or somewhere in between.
Even though they hate our rules, and everybody else’s mom or dad does it better.
Talking with hundreds of teens helped me to be a better youth worker at the time, but more than that it shifted my focus to see my teens’ world and what they needed from me to encourage them as they grew into the adults they were becoming.
And the most important thing that they needed, regardless of how it appeared, was time, according to 99% of the teens surveyed.
They didn’t want a parent to micromanage their world, or to be omnipresent, but they did need to be able to talk with a parent, to know that he or she was listening, to have unorganized, unstuctured time where funny or poignant or ordinary memories could unfold.
Suzie's kids. They do grow up fast!
That knowledge transformed my relationship with my own teens. It still impacts those relationships, even though they are grown.
Today I want to share 9 questions that only you can answer. They aren’t intended to produce guilt (world’s most worthless emotion), but just an honest look at how time is managed in your world, and perhaps an invitation to take this to a different level in your own family.
Because, just like that seasoned mom told me 28 years ago, time really does slip by. My goodness, how it slips by.
Time Priorities
1. What is my wish list of priorities? (Work, activities, church, volunteer, God, family, etc.)
2. Take an honest look at the amount of time spent on each of the above. Based on the amount of time you spend, what are your real (actual) priorities?
Time to change
3. What can you do as a family to adjust your schedules, lifestyle, or goals to re-balance your priorities?
4. Examine your week. Are there busy traps or time stealers that rob you or your family of time together? If so, are you willing to eliminate them or curtail them for 30 days?
5. What healthy, fun, or beneficial activity can you substitute? (Some ideas are dinner together, throwing a football outside, taking a walk, etc.)
Time to Talk
6. Do you listen to your teen without thinking of a response? (Listen all the way to the end.)
7. Do you look for unstructured moments to give a hug, a word of encouragement, leave a note that says I love you?
8. Have you asked your teen for his or her input? (This is a tricky one. They may not respond. They may, and you might not like what they say. They may say something that surprises you. They may say something you totally disagree with. The key is to really listen. To hear what they are saying with no filter. To take those words and unpack them for truth that you can work with. To not be offended or to give a lecture or excuse, but to see it as a listening exercise to truly hear the heart of your teen.)
Just Time
9. Make a date w/no agenda other than to spend time with your teen. Do something your teen likes to do. Surprise them. (It’s not going to be about money, or gifts, but sheer time.)
Today I’m giving away one copy of my book, Real Issues, Real Teens: What Every Parent Needs to Know. It’s packed with insight from teens about peer pressure, things that help them in their faithwalk, things that push them away, why they may not talk but what they would say if they did, how to have a good fight, how to improve communication, and what to do if a relationship is fractured, whether from a teen’s choices or a parent’s, and more!
Leave a comment and I’ll choose a winner on Monday!
I’d also love to suggest a 50-minute CD titled Home Sweet Home – 5 Things Teens Say Make Home the Place They Want to Be – It’s $15.00 (which includes shipping). It’s a professional shrinkwrapped audio CD with practical takeaway that will help you connect with your teen. You can use it in your mom’s group or just for you!
RSS feed for comments on this post.
The URI to TrackBack this entry is:
http://www.tsuzanneeller.com/2011/02/04/do-you-have-a-minute-giveaway/trackback/
RSS Feed
I have been reading you daily devotionsfor about 1 1/2 – 2 years, and there are days were it is right on the money with my life, so THANK YOU !!. There are days it just really makes you stop and think.
I have been seperated from my 15 and 17 year old for the past two years due to making wrong choices the wrong way. I have tried to get them to come around but it seems its always a constant uphill battle. I’ve given it to God and taken it back on numerous occasions, but was told recently that he knew us and what our days would be like before we were even born. So I try to remember that daily as I try not to take control and wait for the lords time. I just want to be there mom again and want them to want me in there lives. I would love your book but if not that is fine, please just add me to your prayer list, because at the end of every day I know that is what is making me through it all – prayer.
This is the first time I have ever posted a comment to anything so thank you, I think I really needed someone to pray for me so thank you again.
Ellen Culpepper
February 4th, 2011 at 5:51 amThanks for sharing this insight into teens’ minds. I do not have teens yet, but I plan on making more efforts to spend quality time with my 10 and 8 year old. It is so easy to fall into routines. I don’t want to miss any more precious memories that can be created simply by stopping and listening. Thank you for this reminder.
February 4th, 2011 at 8:16 amWow! Thanks for the wake up call. Both my teenage sons are busy and their downtime is usually playing xbox. We use to have game night and other family activities but it slowly gave way to our busyness. I didn’t really think they noticed but maybe they do and miss it as much as I do. Some definite changes need to be made starting with me letting them know I want to just “hang” with them – no strings, no demands. Thanks again!
February 4th, 2011 at 8:35 amI have two 13 year olds & an 11 year old, so this hit the spot. We moved to a new town about 6 months ago, after 12 years in the old place, and the transition hasn’t been the easiest. For various reasons, I’ve been considering getting a job, but have been feeling like God wanted me to be at home. Sometimes, I feel like they don’t “need” me the way they did when they were little, and the areas they have needs in are things I can’t really help with, leaving me feeling at a loss. Thank you for reminding me that parenting is more about being there than doing (or getting stuff, although they’d like more stuff — always).
February 4th, 2011 at 8:38 amI have a 15 yr old and an 11 yr old. My husband and I recently started leading the high school youth group at our church, and this is what the teens are teaching me too. They don’t care if we chat or play games they just want to know that there are adults that care about them. Thanks for a great message today!!
February 4th, 2011 at 8:44 amIn the last year, my husband and I have been working with several other adults alongside our youth pastor. What an awesome, crazy, confusing, frustrating, wonderful, blessed time are the teenage years! You so right when you say that all they really want is time and someone to listen without judging them. Thanks for the great reminder in today’s devotion. I will listen, really listen, to my teen today!
February 4th, 2011 at 8:54 amI have 2 teenagers (14,15,16,17) and life has never been more tricky! Two of the girls are my stepdaughters and the other boy/girl are mine. My 16 year old son and I seem to be at odds all the time, no matter what I say he doesn’t like it. Sometimes I just feel like throwing in the towel and giving up. Your post today made me realize that I can’t do that, I have to make time to listen to him, just listen!
February 4th, 2011 at 9:01 amWell your post today really struck at my heart strings. My beloved 16-year-old daughter, the youngest of four, tends to look at me with disdain and treat me with impatience. And so I back off, protecting myself from the hurt and rejection. But I know this is not the way. Thank you for this powerful reminder. I have a few years left with my daughter home full time. I need to make the most of them. I need to come alongside her and love her, and make sure she knows she is my priority. I need to spend time with her. I know this speaks volumes to her…and I am a busy woman who can get caught up in my own life, work, ministry. God help me to do the right thing, not the easier thing.
February 4th, 2011 at 9:06 amThank you!
THANK YOU for your daily word! I am the mom of four, 14, 13, 10 & 8 and so want them to have a God centered life that I did not have. I love the time I have with each of my kids and love your stories that can help me be a better parent to all of my kids. Great lesson here today, take the time to really listen to my kids, to hear their heart like I need to hear God’s daily word for me.
THANK YOU!!
February 4th, 2011 at 9:12 amI have a 15 and 12 year old, it seems just yesterday the 12 year old was so little he could hide under a cloths rack at WalMart and scare me to death. I miss those days! Now here we sit at 5:30 AM finishing Algebra homework. My husband is disabled and is here with them all of the time, I work full time so I try and take one of them each week for alone time to reconnect. They looked forward to it more than I knew because when my schedule changed and I couldn’t dedicate one day with them, they both just about cried. We still find the time, maybe not as much, but God is faithful and if I make the effort it works out.
February 4th, 2011 at 9:16 amEverytime I think about how much communication I had with my kids it makes me want to cry…I was not good at that at all. I wish I could go back in time and start over. With age we learn so much more also Proverbs 31 ministry has taught me so much..thank_you!
Right now I ask prayers for my son..he will not return my calls or e-mails so I am not sure what has happened. I am in prayer several times a day over this and trust God. Thank-you for doing such a good job with the youth. I was truly shocked by the results of that question. Please, pray for my son and guidance from God on how he should live his life.
February 4th, 2011 at 9:27 amI was so excited to read the devotional today. Every night my youngest daughter Lexi (15) and I chill out together, watch TV and chat. It is such precious time that I have with her especially since her older sister just started college this summer which has been an adjustment for all of us. I work full time as a research nurse so my time with my family is so precious to me. Last night Lexi asked me did you ever notice that we really dont have a lot of “family friends” like my friends do. Their parents hang out and go out with their friends and we just hang out here together. I explained to her that for me the time I get to spend with my family is so much more important to me than any time I could spend with friends. I only have my girls in my house for such a short time and with all the activities we have going on my “extra time” the little we have I would rather spend with my daughters and husband. So when I read this devotional I immediatly forwarded this on to her and said this explains it perfectly! Every day I send my girls a text with the bible verse from Proverbs 31. Sometimes their friends see it and ask what is that, now I send it to them and they share with their friends in high school and college! Thanks for the devotional today. I sometimes get ridiculed by other partents because I devote so much time to my girls…. but for me if they enjoy having me around then I am going to be there. Interesting my daughter that is in college at NC State a freshman, biology major, in a sororiety, club lacrosse very social told me she wanted to go somewhere with me for spring break that she didnt want to go with the kids from college. At first I tried to encourage her to go with friends but she really wanted to spend the time with me so in March we are heading to Florida for a week just me and her. My husband encouraged it and said some day she will be busy with a boyfriend, graduate school, work and eventually her own family enjoy this time. And I thought once she she went to college that would be it, no more family vacations, no more time together except for holidays… Boy was I wrong and I AM BLESSED. I thank God often for the relationship I have with my girls!
February 4th, 2011 at 9:40 amGreat point to make. Our teenagers give us such different messages. We have Table Thyme cards that sit on our table and the friends love pulling them and taking turns answering the questions. These conversations can go on for hours. Sometimes even the teenagers are surprised by their own answers.
My 16 year old and I had the conversation just the other night how she’s a teenager trying to be more independent and I am the mom of a teenager who is trying to be more independent. This is new ground for both of us and we’re learning and we are going to have to work with each other on it. It was a good conversation. Communication is soooooo important during this time – even to them.
February 4th, 2011 at 9:44 amThank you so much for these words and the words on the Proverbs 31 post today. Navigating this new phase of teenage years is threatening to get the best of us. I am praying daily for wisdom in building deep and true relationship with my children while also teaching them the values and responsibilities that will take them through life. I know that if my husband and I do not have that foundation of true relationship than everything else we say or try to instill will be ineffective. I am anxious to read your book and to learn so that I can be the best mom for my children.
February 4th, 2011 at 9:48 amYour words are so poignant for me, as I sit here boo-hooing at the breakfast table! My second child is a senior this year, and I feel like most of my interactions with him are requests for chores that need to be done. He’s always been a quiet little guy (now 6″4″!) and he still is – even more quiet with us here at home. We hear from teachers and his best friend’s parents that he is quite chatty and funny, but I rarely get to see that. He sits through dinners it seems to me, trying to reveal as little as possible about his life, thoughts and feelings. I treasure every crumb that comes my way:) He doesn’t seem to want to do anything with us, but I am encouraged by your post today to keep asking.
February 4th, 2011 at 10:02 amThis is an area of my life God has started to shine a light upon. I am the mother of 6 children – precious blessings! However, it is so much easier to do other things than it is to connect. I am seeing that there is a heart issue for God to address and heal. I love how the Lord is showing me my job is so much more than just taking care of my children’s basic needs, more than telling them about Jesus. It is a lot deeper. I am discovering it is my ministry. It is a scary ministry because it is not natural. It is something only Jesus can equip me for. Thank you for your post.
February 4th, 2011 at 10:21 amLisa, One thing that truly helped me with one of my children was this: Many times we look at our teens and we see a warm, chatty person with everyone else. We want that, too! Right? But if we are honest, many times our teen can look at us and see a warm, chatty person with others. But they get the mom face — the instructions, the lectures, the to-do list, the disappointment. Some of these are necessary, but I had to ask myself, “Was I giving my teen that same thing, the same warmth and personality I offered others?” The reality was “not so much”. So I decided not just to be a mom to my teen, which is the most important, but to also be hospitable to the members of my family. To remember to laugh with them, to smile, to really listen, to treat them with the same respect I would others. Wow! The difference it made. You may be doing all of these things, but as parents it’s tricky because the to-do’s of parenting often completely take over our personality.
February 4th, 2011 at 10:28 amAs a mother of two teenage daughters, 14 and 17, I am quite suprised by the results as well. They are so busy and seem like they have no time for us. When we try to talk to them, we are a bother and they are very impatient. I have learned not to take it personal anymore. I know they love me, count on me and listen to my advise. I want to have that personal and communicative, loving and respectful relationship with them. I want our house to be rid of the constant drama that seems to creep in everyday with raising two girls. Please pray that I can show be example how God is working in our lives everyday. Thank you so much for your insight today!
February 4th, 2011 at 10:31 amYour post gave me some much needed perspective. I have been having a rough couple of years with my two older kids.(15, 12, 5, 2) and feeling like a complete failure as a parent. Everything we do seems like the wrong decision, the wrong words, the wrong everything. It was encouraging to hear that no matter what they are saying and doing on the outside, they really do want time with us. We need to get back to date night with our kids, we use to do that atleast monthly with them when they were younger. It is probably even more important now that our time with them is flying by. Thank you so much for giving us a window into our kids!
February 4th, 2011 at 10:46 amThank you very much for a devotion on this topic. As a mother of a daughter entering her teen years, I am like a sponge ready to soak in all the information I can get to navigate through these years successfully (and my son is not too far behind!). Have a wonderful day.
February 4th, 2011 at 10:47 amI have 5 children, one of which has reached the teen years. I am thankful that I found this post, I have been going about some things the wrong way, I appreciate the advice and hope to hear more.
February 4th, 2011 at 10:56 amThis is such an eye opener. I have a son who is moving out of his teenage years later this year and there are some adjustments that I need to make so that we can have a better relationship. You talked about listening without comment. I need to practice it because most times my son would be telling me things and I listen to a point and then I start commenting and he would say, “That’s why I don’t like to tell you anything”. I would really love to get a copy of your book so that I can start repairing my relationship with my son and in turn be a better parent. Thank you Suzie for this wonderful article. God bless you.
February 4th, 2011 at 11:10 amWow, God is really speaking to me through your post and through my bible study! Everything God is revealing right now tells me to balance my life and connect more with my children. My husband and I have a son (17), daughter (15), and daughter (5). I have felt that they’re slipping away, and I yearn to reconnect and improve our relationship with especially our older kiddos. I would LOVE to have your book
Thank you for sharing your Godly wisdom 
February 4th, 2011 at 11:12 amWould love to read your book! My boys are tweens (10 and 12) and I’m already starting to face these issues.
February 4th, 2011 at 11:23 amWow is right! Thanks so very much for this devotional and I can’t wait to read your book. I do have a tean that has challenged us in more ways than I knew were possible! God is faithful though and is answering our prayers! Thank you and God Bless!
February 4th, 2011 at 11:24 amI can relate to the conversation in the car. It’s the only time me kids are in one place long enough to have a conversation. Thank you for taking the time to write about teens.
February 4th, 2011 at 11:33 amThanks for the insight! My oldest is 12 years and communicating with her is becoming a challenge. Now I have some ideas to help me be a better Mom.
God bless you.
February 4th, 2011 at 11:42 amI have two college students who are living at home and commuting to school. It is still so important to have time with them and I am so thankful that they still want it.
February 4th, 2011 at 11:43 amReading. Listening. Praying. I love the honesty of these comments. I love that I’m hearing, “Today I realized…” followed with the words and “I’m going to change it.”. Powerful!
February 4th, 2011 at 11:49 amI have 3 daughters, 18, 16 and 13 years old. Yes, right in the middle of the teen years. I remember when they were younger, even in the exhausting moments, looking at them and treasuring a moment that I wanted to remember forever. I still get some moments today that I tell myself to treasure. They sure do grow up fast. My 16 yr old daughter would rather run from friends’ place to another friends’ place. She is barely home and barely at school. I am always asking her when can she stay home. It feels like a rare event. When we do get time to talk, it’s good. She has been able to share some rough events that have occurred in her life with me. I want to spend more time with her. We do have some busy evenings, but I am home quite a bit. Just last week she shared with me she enjoyed being at home. That felt good. Just wish we had more time.
February 4th, 2011 at 11:51 amIn the rare times when my 16-year-old daughter openly expresses concern about a friend or an issue, I usually say, “I’ll be praying about that!” or “Let me know if you’d like to pray together about that.” But yesterday when she brought up a concern, I took the initiative (courage) to say, “Let’s pray together about that!”. So we went to her room and spent a good hour praying, crying, and talking! The Nike phrase, “JUST DO IT!” comes to mind in regards to so many things! Thank you, Jesus, for Your grace and power to enable us to “just do it!”
February 4th, 2011 at 12:03 pmThank you, Suzie, for your encouraging devotional(s)!
Thanks for this. I love my 3 teens very much, but my hardest thing is my relationship with my 18 year old. She’s so into her church (a different one from the family church, which is fine) that she seems to never be at home. Her siblings – and parents – feel rejected. I’m so glad she’s doing church, as opposed to the other things she could be up to, and I’m proud of her, but it’s still hard.
February 4th, 2011 at 12:08 pmThe trouble is when she is at home we start asking her if she’s done work, jobs etc, then we end up having a row coz she feels nagged!
But giving her time, without nagging, is hard but important. ‘Biting your tongue’ and affirming the good things is such an important part of parenting teens!!
My oldest of 4 boys just turned 13 so we’re just entering the world of raising teens. I mentioned to my husband just the other day, “I wonder what it will be like in 10 years to look back at the past decade of raising teenagers. What kind of insights and wisdom (and perhaps grey hairs) will we have?” In the past few months we’ve been thinking and talking about exactly the issues you’ve brought up in this article. We’re realizing the importance of quality time spent with the boys. My 13 year old is an incredibly affectionate and open kid and he often asks me to “cuddle” with him at bedtime…I know that he desperately wants that one-on-one time to talk out his day. And you know, I’m embarrassed to say that I very rarely do. More often than not I say I’m tired and want to spend time with dad (or want to go watch the tv show I’ve been waiting for). And all the while I know how rare and precious this is and that this opportunity won’t last forever. So why don’t I take the time? The only answer I have is that I’m selfish. Thanks for the “kick in the butt”….I need and WANT to make this a priority. You’re right…in todays busy and driven society, our kids need our time more than anything else.
What really opened our eyes to the importance of quality time with the boys was when our second son was diagnosed with something called “Coats’ Disease” this fall. Our first 3 boys are very close in age so he has always had that “middle child” position in the family. His personality is very quiet, shy, withdrawn, and introverted. He’s always struggled with fitting in, making friends, and is a bit socially awkward. But he’s also the most tenderhearted, sweet and sensitive kid you’ll find. I’ve always known he needed more time and attention than he got growing up. His older and younger brother are both very social and outgoing and always got all the attention. Anyway, since being diagnosed this fall, he has spent a great deal of one-on-one time with his me and his dad….going to appointments etc. He’s also received a lot more attention all around. And you know, even though he’s only 11 and dealing with the burden of this medical issue, he’s the happiest he’s ever been. Even my parents-in-law noticed it when they came out to visit at Christmas. I’m completely convinced it’s due to the fact that he was starving for time with his mom and dad. It’s sad that it took something like this for us to see it….but our eyes are definitely opened.
February 4th, 2011 at 12:36 pmYes, yes, yes. My 12 year old son has told us several times how much he likes it when we “just hang out at home together” as a family–meaning when we don’t demand anything of one another. He is in the funny threshold period between childhood and adolescence as his body changes rapidly. I love the exercise you wrote of writing out our priorities, then how much time we alot for each. We are too, too busy so I’m looking forward to allowing God to clean up our schedules and rearrange our time.
February 4th, 2011 at 12:38 pmI have an 8 year old and a 4 year old…. even though we’re not in “teenville” yet, this was a convicting read this morning. Thank you! There are things that I need to consider and possibly change – before we find ourselves at double warp speed!
February 4th, 2011 at 12:50 pmI have two teens who spend a lot of time in their rooms doing teen stuff (tv, video games, texting, listening to music, facebooking, etc..). We do make it a priority to eat dinner together and spend Friday nights together as a family but it seems like we end up watching something on tv instead of talking most of the time. I love the suggestions you gave and will share with my husband so together we can make changes to help our family and relationship with our teens.
February 4th, 2011 at 12:51 pmTime with your baby, rolls into time with your todler, time with your young child and then with your teen. What I am trying to say is, invest some time with your child from the day of his/her birth and be consistant in the time investment and it will roll automatically to time spend with your teen. You cannot expect to walk into your teens life and demand time if you were never availble before….that will take much more time and energy. I am talking as an experienced (old) woman.
February 4th, 2011 at 1:05 pmWhat a calm and encouraging message about raising teens. Thanks for sharing your look into the teen world and reminding us that our teenagers still want our nurturing and presence . . . without embarrassing them publicly of course! Thoughtful and meaningful. Thank you.
February 4th, 2011 at 1:08 pmI read the Encouragement for Today and it totally hit home with me. I have a 15 year old Daughter. She is a great kid. Lately, I have felt space between us. She seems to be pushing us away. We feel that all of our conversations are directions to her or pointing out negatives. I do not want to continue on this path. I want for us to get along and have a great time together.
February 4th, 2011 at 1:21 pmI must admit, I am VERY BLESSED with my teenagers. At least one night a week we have ‘family night’, which is usually just the three of us but I occassionally let others join in – because I am ‘Mom’ to lots of kids. My girls never complain about taking time away from their friends to spend time together, because I am flexible about the nights we have it – to work around EVERYONE’s schedule, not just mine.
February 4th, 2011 at 1:26 pmwhere to start! We are raising our grandson & what a blessing but can be a challenge at times. You rarely see any mention of that but its happening all over. I appreciate your words of encouragement as we go into his 11th year, at times he wants to be cuddled other times he has his tough layer on. I know underneath is a loving caring boy. We definatly need more “special” times together!
February 4th, 2011 at 1:40 pmHave spent two weeks with my 31 year old daughter who is like a teen (she is a recovering addict-alchoholic). She totalled her car and I have been driving her to and from work and other places. It’s been so cold and icy and the drive is a long distance. I’ve been praising God and have music on that I hope has ministered to her somehow. We never spent time together when she was a teen and I sent her away at 18 when she refused to follow our rules. I always regretted that. Now I have time. Thank you for his reminder to be quiet with her and ready to listen. Just learned two hours ago that my older daughter, 33, spun out on ice on the road and totalled her car. Thank God, the little grand-boys weren’t in the car. Oh my. She is O.K. but such sorrow. Time with her will be well-spent, too. I will need to help her. Thank you for your light in my life, dear Suzanne!
February 4th, 2011 at 1:42 pmI was just having a conversation with my husband last night about how I don’t feel I spend enough time with the kids. Your blog here and “Do You Have the Time” really hit home and were a total blessing today. They reinforced that Godly tugging at my heart. Thank you!
February 4th, 2011 at 1:57 pmI am the mother of children (25yrs,24,21,and17). We are raising the last teenager. I have made so many mistakes with the other 3. (especially the now 21 yearold). This is my last chance to “get it right”. She is a good girl and I haven’t had any reasons for mistrust. I don’t want to be blind to things this time. She isn’t a talker so I feel like I have to try even harder to stay connected. We have a good relationship (Ithink) but sometimes I don’t really know what is going on with her or what see is thinking or going through. Just trying to keep my eyes wide open. Lori
February 4th, 2011 at 2:00 pmHey Lori, It’s not your last chance. You are still a mom to your grown children. There are still memories ahead.
February 4th, 2011 at 2:07 pmHi Anita, I think that most of the parents who are reading this did spend a lot of time with their children as babies and as toddlers. Just the sheer need that they have for you sets that up, but it’s also a special time of cuddling, playing, communicating. What I’m addressing today is what to do if life, busyness, communication problems, etc. have caused a disconnect. It can happen to amazing parents who did everything right. It can happen to a parent who needs a second chance. I don’t believe that it’s futile, and the teens I surveyed — even those with truly broken and fragmented relationships with their mom or dad — didn’t either. Just my two cents. I love that you shared your input!
February 4th, 2011 at 2:12 pmJust found your site today. What an inspiration to a mom of 2 teenagers! Thanks for sharing your knowledge and experience.
Amy
February 4th, 2011 at 2:25 pmI really enjoyed your devotional. I have 2 teenagers in the house as well as a 9 year old. It’s tough juggling all the needs or what we think are their needs. The teens are especially trying and so drastically different. It’s encouraging to know that the best thing to give is time. I need to do a better job managing my time and giving more to them.
February 4th, 2011 at 2:51 pmThank you so much for sharing. My husband and I are blessed with two amazing children. Sadie is 12 and Kyle is 9. They both love Jesus with all their hearts. We are so proud of Sadie and Kyle, they share with children at school and friends that come over about Jesus. We have live in 4 different states so they have moved to several schools. My heart breaks for all that children and teens have to go through. I would love to read your book. I believe it would help my husband and I understand how hard it is for teens. It has always been VERY important to me, to be the mother God has called me to be. I enjoy learning and talking with moms about how to be a Godly parent. May God bless you in all you do. With Love and Prayers, Shawnia. Phil.4:13
February 4th, 2011 at 2:51 pmHi there,
I just wanted to share that I had the honor of translating into Spanish that book you mentioned on today’s devo at Proverbs 31. One of the houses I work for will publish it this year. It was an eye opener in many ways.
My children are still young but the mere thought of adolescence makes me nervous sometimes. So, whenever I read something like this I try to learn as much as possible and then I ask the Lord for his wisdom and to help me (big time!) when the time comes.
Thank you for all you are doing to teach parents and to help this new generation.
February 4th, 2011 at 3:14 pmMy first visit to your blog. I’m a regular P31 devotions reader but had never visited. Your message today was spot on. My two sons, Ian 19 and Connor 16 are my joy and we do have a wonderful close knit relationship. My husband, Malcom, and I have always made family time a priority even when it wasn’t easy. AND you’re right…persistence, patience and listening is key, plus those unguarded moments of truths. That is how I found out about an terrible decision Ian was contemplating, but after much love, counseling and praying he came back to us and said “You are right”. Music to a parent’s ear, but that would never have happened had we not listened with open hearts and had the courage to speak hard truths in love. AND praying always and about all things. Releasing your children to God is the best thing a parent can do. It is so important, especially as they get older and are on the cusp of leaving the nest. Pour into them 24/7 as little ones and they will turn to you as they get older. Love on them even through the Mr. Moody teenage years, and they will come back to hug you in church after service – right in the open. But always , alwyas let them know that you pray for them and that God will always be there for them. I praise God for the women in my life who have not only encouraged me in my faith journey, but have encouraged my sons in theirs. We are salt and light, so that atohers can be touched and spread the Good News. Blessings to you and your family, Maria PS 62:8
February 4th, 2011 at 3:34 pmI am the mother of two very busy teenage girls. One still loves to snuggle up on the couch and spend time with me, the other acts like it is torture to be in the same room with the rest of the family. Yet I know in her heart she must long for affection, we all do. I have just been laid off from work (as the primary bread winner and insurance carrier this has been very stressful) but perhaps God has given me this time to focus on the hearts of my kids rather than their material desires.
February 4th, 2011 at 4:05 pmthank you for your perspective!!
February 4th, 2011 at 4:41 pmI rarely read devotions these days, due to a lack of time. But, I’m glad I did today. Your Proverbs31 devotional piece today is refreshing to me for I have three teenagers of my own. That is an alarming result and I am so glad you shared it with us.
February 4th, 2011 at 5:12 pmI really enjoyed you blog today. It really maks me think about my priorities. Being a single mom I feel so much pressure. I feel like I have to know all the answeres and if I say it wrong it could mess her up for life. It is funny how alot of our deep talks do happen in the car while on a trip. I know the simple things like a hug or a note can make a big difference. Thank you for your encouraging words. Have a blessed day.
February 4th, 2011 at 5:14 pmI am a teacher who works with students who have disabilities and who are at risk. It amazes me when I talk to my young ladies and they say how much they desire for their parents to be a part of their lives, that they don’t feel like they have someone in their family that cares about them enough to listen, hang out and just be near them. Thank you for posting this message.
February 4th, 2011 at 5:36 pmI was just praying about this. I was looking back on my oldest son’s life and realizing that I spend so much more time with my two babies now than I did with him as he was growing up. I realized that the reasons for that were 1.) I was a single mom and I had to work more than one job to support us. and 2.) I had some really screwed up priorities. I have been walking around with such a feeling of guilt because I feel like I cheated him. Here I am making all these great precious memories with my babies and he didn’t get to do a lot of those things when he was little. He can never doubt that I loved him more than life itself (even with my messed up priorities) because we do have some very special memories that we share but I want him to know that I still want to do special things with him. I know I can’t get back the time I lost but we can create memories now before he goes off to college. I don’t really know how to reach him now because he is, like you said, sitting in front of a computer all the time with the IPod on and earphones permanently attached to his head. He will be leaving for college soon and I want to connect with him again so that when he does go we are not going to drift apart and never have a real relationship again like we used to.
February 4th, 2011 at 5:37 pmLots of great insights about communication today. I have two beautiful girls, 10 and almost 13, and my husband and I work hard at maintaining strong communication and instilling in them the importance of family relationships. My oldest one is very social and always wants to hang with her friends, and I just take them under my wing as well. We have a great time together and allows me to really connect with my daughter. My husband is very intentional about taking each of the girls on “buddy days” so they can connect with him and make great memories together. They love that. I just want to have a great relationship with my girls especially through the teenage years. I have great memories of grabbing moments between the crazyness of all the activities I was involved in to spend quality time talking with my mom. The wisdom I gleaned from those conversations made a powerful impact on my life. Those are really precious memories for me which remind me of how important it is to make the most of the time I have with my girls–it flys by so fast!
February 4th, 2011 at 6:25 pmThis sounds like an amazing book. I pray that it will reach many parents, as our youth need as much love and support as they can get in this day and age. I am learning that more and more as I try to be the best parent that I can be. I am always amazed by how many kids are distanced from their parents even as tweens. Thank you for letting us know about this book.
February 4th, 2011 at 6:35 pmThank you for sharing your experiences as a youth minister and parent as well as your research. Although I have worked with teen-agers for over 25 years, I find myself amazed at my own relationship with my teen-agers. Most of the time I feel blessed that we can talk about any subject and my children still enjoy family trips, events as much as events with their teenage friends.. At other times, we are in “different worlds” according to my 13 year old. We continue to work towards ways to break the walls that can come up between us on these rare occasions. Our strong faith and family values is what sustains us through everything. I look forward to reading your book and following your blog. It is always helpful to have new ideas or just reminders of old ones that work well. Thank you for sharing!
February 4th, 2011 at 9:47 pmThank you for this God timed devotional – I have been in PMS week with two teenage girls. Our biological daughter has been hit hard with some health issues and we have a 15 year old girl who lives with us and because of the circumstances in her home is really trying to find out where she belongs. We also have three younger children(11, 9, 5) and there are so many days that I don’t want to lie down with the older ones(when it is past my bedtime!) because I am exhausted BUT every time I do they open up and let me glimpse into the struggles and fears they have and are way more open to hearing from me as well. So thank you for this boost to keep on doing and not grow weary
February 5th, 2011 at 3:42 amThank you for sharing! I have a 12 going on 16 and and an 8 going on 21! It is very encouraging.
February 5th, 2011 at 5:16 amTimely article! I need all the parenting advice I can get and this book I feel would be very insightful. I myself did not have a good teenage experience growing up. Now as a parent, I have no family near and my husband works a lot, so I am left being the main parent. I pray for wisdom for all of us mothers.
February 5th, 2011 at 9:07 amAs a mother of a 13 year old boy, I need all the help available. My husband and I have even started taking him to a therapist due to him not talking to us. It is very hard being a parent to a teenager.
February 5th, 2011 at 9:42 amOh how fabulous this resource would be as I begin for all 5 of my children to approach these teenage years!
blessings & giggles
Jeanie
February 5th, 2011 at 12:03 pmI really do enjoy your blog and look forward to your insights. I am a stay at home mom of four. They are all still home and range in ages of 23, 22, 18 and 16. Life is never boring and I can honestly say that I still look for insight into who they are and what they are all about. I am extremely proud of them. They all have gone through different stages in their lives and I am thankful to that we have survived.
February 5th, 2011 at 12:05 pmYour book would be interesting to read because I believe I still have more to learn.
Thanks
God’s timing is always perfect. This morning I was asking for His guidance into our hectic lives that seem to not have time to build and develope good relationships with each other. This popped up on my phone. Thank you God. We all need help doing the right thing. What an encouragement.
February 5th, 2011 at 2:16 pmi’m raising my niece i’ve had her since she was born and is now 17 years old and i could surely use some advice. i love her dearly and now i am also raising two of my grandbabies who are 3 and 4 and it gets kind of hard sometimes. i would love to win this.
February 5th, 2011 at 11:04 pmI really would like a copy of your book. My son is 11 and we’ve always been close but I know I drive him crazy. Admittedly, I can be a bit controlling and he’s a bit stubborn. Really, he’s a mini-ME. Anyway, I want us to always have a good relationship and I think I could use your words of wisdom.
February 6th, 2011 at 12:39 amSheesh! It seems you hit your nail on my head every day (so to speak). This book seems exactly what I need too. All your titles on this site seem so inexplainable relevant to my life! Can’t get them but I think you have definitely found your “niche of readers”. Blessings on your ministry! Glad to find you on Facebook too!
February 6th, 2011 at 12:57 amYour ministry must have a HUMONGOUS prayer ministry backing it up. If many of these other women responding to this post are half as moved as I am through your words you have a high calling!! More power to you and your team. God Bless!
February 6th, 2011 at 2:03 amThis devotional is right on the money (no pun intended) with my husband, my son and me. I crave time and connection with my teen while I know he craves time with his dad. Im at a loss of what to do to help them and me except of course to pray.
February 6th, 2011 at 9:04 amThank you for your words. We are raising 6 kids – 4 of them teenagers and one a preteen. Whew! I am a strong believer in that time matters. Not long ago I sat my kids down and asked them if they would prefer that I got a full time job (I stay at home) to do more things their friends do…take expensive trips, unlimited clothes budgets, lots of spending money etc. All of them said that they would rather I be home available to them then have extra money. I would love to read your book.
February 6th, 2011 at 12:52 pmHi – Just found this part of the website. My husband and I are parents of 5 (1 daughter and 4 sons). Our oldest son is a college sophomore, our daughter is 17, our middle child (son) is 13, our next youngest(son) is 11 and autistic, and our baby (son) is 8. I will have to say that nursing a baby at 2 am and changing diapers is nothing compared to dealing with teenagers! I used to think I was really exhausted when the kids were little and we were homeschooling. It is such a paradox with our daughter. She even said to me one night “Mom, I wish you loved me.” Basically she wasn’t getting her way. Comments like hers really cut to the quick, but I know she that she does know and hears often how much I do love her. Time with her alone seems to fill her tank the best. And I have learned to put down whatever I am doing when she starts talking! The boys take lots of energy but are easier in some ways. I love being a wife and mom!
February 6th, 2011 at 1:39 pmDid I miss this again? We’ve had quite the week of sickness here … thank you for this post, the Lord has been bringing the verse in Prov 31 about “she looks well to the ways of her household” to mind repeatedly, I confess I have not been. Exhaustion from multiple deployments, physical issues, fear, mental exhaustion and feeling unheard by my teen(s) and my own laziness!
February 6th, 2011 at 2:15 pmI have a feeling this book will hit home for me. I have twin sons aged 16 and a girl 11, and we are a fractured family at this time with divorce pending. One son went to live with his bio dad from my first marriage, one is here and my girl is here. It has been hard keeping in touch with my sons’ lives. I work hard to support our family, and the boys like to play on the computer or Xbox or PS3 these days. It still is a difficult transition, but having teens is still unsettling for me. Are they aware of their world around them, how do I keep them close to God, and so many questions I hope I can find answers for. Thank you for the opportunity for a free draw!
February 7th, 2011 at 12:27 pmThanks to this post, my ears will be a little more in tune to the conversation I have with my son tomorrow. He has an eye appointment and we will have time in the car, driving from school to the Eye Dr……Should be a good one.
February 9th, 2011 at 5:48 pm