Sharing the truth. . . about sin
September 22, 2011 | Encouragement for Today, Faith: Knowing Christ
If you came over from Encouragement for Today, welcome.
I hesitated to share today’s devotion at first because the last thing that I wanted was to affirm anyone to use truth to hurt a woman trapped in sin.
That happens when people hold signs of hatred, or they use Scripture to make someone feel far from God’s grace. We can’t forget the image of Jesus at the well talking with the Samaritan woman, or writing a sermon in the dust as He knelt beside the adulterous woman. Those conversations didn’t keep the women down, but helped them find new life.
But I also believe that when you love someone, you are honest with them. You don’t let them run into traffic and get hit by a car without shouting out a warning, or leading them to safety. You don’t let them be abused by the enemy without letting them know there is another way.
If you feel God leading you to speak to a loved one:
• Pray. Ask for wisdom (Proverbs 8:33)
We think about wisdom just being for the other person, but we need it to. We are called to represent Christ, and we need wisdom to do that in the right way.
Ask for wisdom to approach her at the right time and with the right heart.
Ask for insight on when to talk, but also when to listen.
Ask for discernment (which is sensitivity to the real battle that is being waged rather than the obvious). Sometimes the words that she speaks might be in anger, but is it embarrassment, hurt, or a feeling that she is trapped or stuck or that things might never change?
• Don’t accuse, but speak the truth (John 8:31-32)
You don’t know all the details. You don’t know how she feels. You don’t know the lies that the enemy has spoken to her to cause her to trip and fall.
But be honest about what you do know. State facts, but with a listening ear.
Sharing the truth first begins when we understand our own lack, our own mistakes, our failures, and the immense grace shown to us by a loving Heavenly Father. How would you desire a friend to approach you? With accusations, or with truth wrapped in love?
Let her know that truth might cause temporary pain, but offers freedom.
• Don’t lecture, but encourage (John 8:36)
When you’re trapped in sin, you KNOW it. You might not admit it. You might cover it with bravado or anger or even self-righteousness. You might blame God or other people.
Once you shared the truth about what you do know, then it’s time to encourage.
Encourage her that it’s never too late. Remind her of God’s love. Be real, be honest, but understand that you can’t change her. It’s not your place to change her.
Let her know that you believe in her, and in God. You can pray. You can assure her that when she’s ready you’ll celebrate that decision with her.
Then let God do His job.
• Don’t argue (Galatians 6:1)
It’s not about being right. It’s not about winning the conversation. It’s planting a seed. Letting her know there is another way. Sometimes arguing is a way to ignite a fight, to shift the focus. But perhaps it’s also to give you information you might not be aware of.
Listening without arguing keeps the conversation focused. It also might allow you to hear the real source of the problem. Maybe you think it’s one thing, but the deeper issues have driven her to sin. Listen. All the way to the end. Don’t formulate rebuttals, but simply listen.
• Don’t fail to remind her of God’s love and mercy (John 3:17)\
But for the grace of God. . .
How many times have we heard that? But how often do we say, “I’d never do that.” None of us will ever live up to God’s standards. It’s impossible, but that’s the message of grace.
We are not God. The whole purpose of the cross was to show us that the law was ineffective for right living. It was a standard that no one could achieve.
So He offered His Son in our place so that we can stand before God with our hands held high in the name of Jesus and we find joy. We find forgiveness. We find purpose. We find destiny.
You can tell her all the things she needs to do to live right, or you can show her the mercy of Christ.
You see, that’s how we truly change. All of us. We come to Him as we are, and the more that we come to love and know Him, the more our lives are transformed. The old things are revealed and the desires for those things fade away. Then one day we realize that our thoughts are different. Our lives are different. Our choices are different.
Not because of all the things we did right, but because of knowing Jesus. We change from the inside out. That’s lasting change.
if you desire to print this out for future reference, please download the Word document and print it out for your own use: How to Speak the Truth in Love_Suzanne Eller
If you desire to purchase my book, The Woman I Am Becoming, which shares a key chapter on the power of friendship and community, click here.
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Very true words!
September 22nd, 2011 at 6:11 amThank you for this e-mail and these words. I have copied and saved this to my church file, and intend to share your website with others. God spoke to my heart through your words today, and I thank you for being used by Him, and pray that He will also use me this day.
September 22nd, 2011 at 8:51 amI have a family situation- my dad has a deep dislike of my sister’s 3rd husband (he just doesn’t like him plus they had a huge fight a few months ago). It is really impacting our family relationships a great deal. My dad is a Christian but is very ” closed” to any discussion about this and at this point has no intention of going to “him” to make things right. I’m not sure what to do – approaching my father is different than a friend. Any further advice? Thanks and God bless.
September 22nd, 2011 at 9:16 amThank you Suzie for these words of encouragement today. In my life, I have a husband and a niece who have turned away from the Lord for one reason or another and my heart aches for them to one day open their hearts, open their minds once again to see the truth and see God’s Love, Grace, Mercy and Beauty. Your blog has given me some very much needed helpful and encouraging ways in how to speak with them and then let God do the rest from the inside.
September 22nd, 2011 at 9:50 amThank you for reminding us that one day it could be too late to warn these loved ones God has called us to speak with. This can be such a hard issue to bring up with people, yet harder to deal with if we do not: in answering to God, ourselves and seeking the consequences.
September 22nd, 2011 at 10:17 amWise words of Wisdom…thank you
September 22nd, 2011 at 12:00 pmI can’t explain how much I needed this devo – God obviously used it to answer prayer and confirm what He has been telling me. I loved your words about silence – many times I’ve felt I’m being quiet because I love the person and don’t want to hurt them, but you are so right it’s because of fear!! Thank you so much for your advice here, asking God to help me follow it. Blessings, Jill
September 22nd, 2011 at 3:14 pmThank you for today’s devotional. It not only spoke to me about a friend of mine who I may (by God’s direction) need to speak too but also it spoke to me how I should speak to myself.
September 22nd, 2011 at 3:34 pmI can only say that I wish someone had done this for me when I was making some really bad choices that had devastating affects on my life and my tore my family apart.
September 22nd, 2011 at 4:41 pmThank you for this! It can be really difficult when there’s someone in your life who is wandering, and sometimes it can feel a little hopeless that they’ll ever really come to walk on the right path again. This was encouraging & just what I needed to learn to be able to talk to my sister in love. I think going along with this is the faith that GOD can & wants to really change the person. It is possible for anyone to come to faith in Jesus. That’s how awesome our God is. Thank you Suzie. =)
September 23rd, 2011 at 9:33 amOh my gracious! What perfect timing that God placed you and your words in my in-box! I have a situation right now involving a young lady in our youth ministry and these words will so help me approach the conversation with her about her choices and where she is heading. Her Mom is exasperated and I know I have to be the one to help her. I have been thinking and praying for a few days on how and when to do it. Thanks a zillion! Blessings!
September 23rd, 2011 at 2:43 pm