Your teen’s cluster {{Giveaway}}

July 3, 2009 | books, family

If you came over from Encouragement for Today, welcome!

If you watch teen movies they often show a teen longing to sit at a popular table in the lunch room. It’s the first clue that this movie was made by adults who don’t live in a real teen world. Most teens will walk past that table to sit with friends who are loyal, who like them for who they are, and who they can count on to be there the next day.

It’s called the cluster – three to five people where you fit and feel like you belong.

I interviewed hundreds of teens when writing my book, Real Issues, Real Teens: What Every Parent Needs to Know. It was when I realized that family had taken on a new definition. A few years back “family” was a group of people who lived in the same home. It might include a mom, dad and siblings and Spot the dog.

Today a teen might live in that or a similar situation, but their idea of family is where they feel loved and accepted. It might be a circle of friends. It could be the family next door, or a youth pastor and his wife, or a group of guys who ask for loyalty and promise the same. It could be a guy who says he loves her, or a girl who promises she’ll be true to him alone.

It’s the new cluster. 

Are you in your teen’s cluster?

Suzie, I’m not my children’s friend. I’m their parent.

Let me ask you again. Are you in your teen’s cluster? Do they feel safe in your home? Do they know they are loved (even if they are in the learning stage)? Do they feel accepted (even if they are a work in progress)?
If teens do not feel welcome in their churches, their youth groups, or families, they will leave—emotionally or physically—to find a cluster that will accept them. And sometimes that is when our teens get in trouble.

Parenting is hard work, and especially so in the teen years. I’m not blind to teen’s faults. I have worked with and loved all kinds of teens. Teens with a hard shell around their heart. Teens who are friendly and inviting. Immature teens and wise teens. At-risk teens and teens who have made few mistakes. I’ve even worked with teens who got up and walked away when I sat by them, making me feel like I was in middle school all over again.

But I’ve learned that almost every teen will open up if they genuinely believe that you care about them and see the best in them.

So let me ask the question a third time: are you in your teen’s cluster? Does she know that you believe in her, even when she’s struggling to believe in herself?

Does he know that you are his safe place when the world outside the door is tricky to navigate day by day?

Does he or she hear words like “I love you” even when you are training, teaching, or disciplining? Do they know that you are dealing with the behavior, but still love the person standing in front of you?

I hope you’ll check out the book, Real Issues, Real Teens: What Every Parent Needs to Know. It’s a book that changed me as a parent while I wrote it as I listened to hundreds of teens talk about faith, peer pressure, sex, family, communication, and much, much more.

I’ll give away one copy of this book to a commenter below. I’ll draw a name on Monday! (Be sure to leave a link or e-mail address so I can contact you.)

Passion Denied

June 24, 2009 | books

I bet that subject title got your attention! It’s not a personal confession, but a book that I’m reading. Julie Lessman has written several novels and this is Book 3 in the Daughters of Boston series. It’s a book about love denied. Elizabeth O’Connor falls for her mentor, John Brady. He’s everything she wants in man, except he sees her as a little sister.

She makes her feelings clear and he pushes her away.

More than a story, it’s a picture of what happens when a man feels unworthy to accept  woman’s love. It’s accepting God’s love and forgiveness, but it’s also waiting on God’s timing when you want to make life happen.

If you like love stories or historical fiction, Passion Denied is a book you’ll want to read.

I look forward to sharing an interview with author Julie Lessman in the near future!

leaving on a jet plane - again

June 19, 2009 | books, ministry life, writing

I’m flying to PA this weekend, speaking at St. David’s Christian Writers conference. I’ve never been to Pennsylvania before and look forward to seeing a new place.

I love teaching at writer’s conferences because it reminds me of when I first started. I see them holding on to their dreams, the eagerness to learn, and sometimes the frustration when they feel overwhelmed by starting something so new.

Maybe you’re a writer. I hope you’ll connect at one of the many Christian Writers conferences around the country. A couple of great ones coming up are:

She Speaks

Glorietta Christian Writers Conference

Or if a conference isn’t possible right now, join one of the free groups online where people from CBA congregate and talk about publishing, writing, marketing, and taking it to the next level, like:

The Writers View 2

Fellowship of Christian Writers

If you are one of the conference attendees who will be in attendance, I look forward to connecting with you!

Women’s Bible Study Expo

May 13, 2009 | books, media interviews, ministries

Have you ever wondered what books you could use in your Bible study? Or in your women’s ministries or small cell group?

I had the most fun yesterday talking with Marnie Swedberg and her audience of women’s ministry leaders. But I was only one of many, including Hearts at Home founder Jill Savage, authors and speakers Jennifer Rothschild, Lysa TerKeurst, Nancy Stafford, Nancy Leigh DeMoss, and many others.

Check out this great site and listen to the interviews, read about the books, and see if any of these women or topics might be great for your group (or you!).

Link: Women’s Bible Study Expo. Oh, and did I mention they are giving away prizes? That just makes it more fun!

What’s Your Story?

May 12, 2009 | Proverbs 31 Ministries, books, daily ramblings, giveaways

 In the past three days I’ve attended my son-in-law’s pinning ceremony and graduation commencement, ate too much cake, went mechanical bull riding (I watched), played laser tag, went GoKart riding, drove to Springfield, MO from Fayetteville, AR and spent the night with my brother and fam, then drove from there to Branson, MO for a church vision meeting, and I just arrived minutes ago only to realize…

that today my devo “What’s Your Story?” was on Encouragement for Today!

Let me take and breath and ask “So, what’s your story?”

I leave tomorrow to teach at a conference in Estes Park, CO. I’ll be there for four days and I can guarantee you I’ll hear someone say, “I’m not sure I have anything to write about.”

Really. You see, I don’t believe that.

Because everyone has a story. A life basket of sorts that you can pull from. Mine has dysfunction, cancer survival, overcoming odds to live fully. But it also has laugh out loud moments with family, tender moments, unexpected small moments with friends or strangers.

Stories are all around you. You live out a story every day.

What’s your story?

What have you learned through adversity that can encourage someone in the same situation you once went through? What stories do you have that may not be “super spiritual” but that make a person laugh (which makes us live longer)? Was there a time that God became real to you?

Well, Suzie, my story is painful.

There’s timing involved in sharing your story. When I was 20, I wasn’t ready. I would have shared my story out of a perspective of pain. Today that story is wrapped around healing, hope, joy, peace.

But write it down anyway. Keep a journal. Write in the margins of your Bible. Write down the tough stuff, the good stuff, the “I can’t see it now, but I’m trusting stuff”.

You see, hindsight is 20/20. I can look back and clearly see God’s love and direction gently holding me, leading me, and even teaching me.

So, what’s your story?

Next Monday I’ll return and pick one lucky winner and send any one of my books to the winner! Leave a brief comment sharing one brief anecdote (story) from your life basket.

Perspective

May 1, 2009 | books, feelings, friendship

I’m reading a simple story about a young guy who sees life darkly and an older man named Jones who is a “noticer”.

Jones sees life differently than others. The young guy sits in the sand and eats sardines and vienna sausages. Jones is eating surf and turf with an ocean front view.

But they are eating the same thing and looking at the same scenery.

It made me wonder, “am I a noticer?” And I think I am. Just last night Richard asked me what I was doing. I was standing at the front window.

“Looking at my flowers,” I said.

Earlier that day my son asked the same thing. I was looking out the back window over my porch. “What are you looking at, mom?”

“See that red cardinal?” I said. I pointed to the vibrant red bird pecking away at the peanut-butter and seed covered apple.

I do notice life. I do see the good in people. I do notice the shades of pink and blue streaked across the sky at sunset.

But I also notice and focus on things that aren’t so positive. Am I missing something in those moments? Does the thing or person or problem get larger as I focus on it alone?

Good question. And by the way, a pretty good book as well. If you desire to look at life in a whole new way, maybe The Noticer by Andy Andrews is exactly what you need.

Encouragement for Today: Rest (giveaway!)

April 29, 2009 | Proverbs 31 Ministries, books, feelings

Is it really possible to have rest so that a woman and a mom can have energy and the focus to live a meaningful and joyful life? Keri Wyatt Kent, mom, wife, author, speaker, talks about what it means to slow down in a fast-paced society and dedicate one day each week to rest.

She shares her story of implimenting a Sabbath into her week and how it impacted her and her family and talks about her newest book, REST.

Suzie Eller: Keri, I would describe you as one of the most high-energy woman I’ve ever met, so I was intrigued to read your book, Rest. In it you talk about a concept called Sabbath Simplicity. First, can you explain what a Sabbath is?

Keri Wyatt Kent: Sabbath comes from the word Shabbat, which means to cease or to stop. And so Sabbath means to stop, whether the work is done or not. Sabbath is a day of rest. Sabbath Simplicity is a lifestyle where we work with full effort, but then take time to rest. Taking a Sabbath one day a week is a healthy practice, just like getting enough sleep, eating right and exercising–it helps us to function at a our best. On that one day, we rest, we reconnect with family and friends. We set aside our normal tasks to focus on our spiritual life, and relationships.

When my children were toddlers, I felt so tired that I would get angry. I was working as a freelance writer and also caring for two little children. I never got a day off. My husband had a demanding job, so all of the household chores fell to me. My resentment and anger was hurting my relationship with my husband and my children. I read some books that talked about Sabbath, and that started my journey.

(more…)

You said…

April 28, 2009 | books, family, feelings

Hello! I am reading The Mom I Want To Be and wanted to share the story of how I came across it.

I recieve a daily devotional email from Crosswalk.com, which I unfortunately rarely have the time to read. Well, one day I was having a really bad day as a mom, and thought the encouagement would be helpful. At the end of the email was a link to your book. I read the excerpt on Amazon and instantly KNEW I needed to get my hands on a copy. I couldn’t find it locally, so I had Barnes & Noble order it for me. All week I looked foward to picking it up! The day it came in happened to be a rare day in my world… my children were gone overnight to my in-laws and my husband was at work.

I had ALL of the rainy afternoon to myself to read! I then discovered that you are from Oklahoma! I’m in Edmond (just north of OKC). THEN tonight I was reading comments on a blog of a mom I recently met and I saw you had commented. I don’t usually write to authors or anything, but just felt that I had to!

I have to tell you the Lord is bringing such healing to my heart. I thought I had dealt with so much of the wounds from my childhood in my 10 years of knowing Christ. Lately, though, I have been struggling more than ever with anger, frustration and just plain crankiness toward my children.

I have to move past this! I feel that their little years are going by so fast and I want to cherish each day! I don’t want to let my past rob me of joy any longer! Your book has been such a great tool for the Lord to walk me step by step thru deeper healing and better perspective on what it is to disciple and instruct the children He has entrusted to me.

THANK YOU for your obedience to Him. I have sensed Him leading me to write at some point. I pray that I can be as effective to His Glory as He has blessed you to be. You are an inspiration to share what great things He has done!

Many Blessings,
Christie G.

Dear Christie,

Thanks for taking the time to write. You encouraged me today and I thank you for that. I pray that God continues this amazing work of healing and joy in your heart. You are awesome. ♥ Suzie

CBE 2009

March 27, 2009 | books, ministries, ministry life

Many wonderful things happened at CBE 2009. First, I want to send a shout out to the organizers. It was interesting. Well set up. The speakers and musical artists were outstanding.

But few attendees showed up, which broke my heart for those who worked so hard. It was a first major ECPA event. I believe with a little tweaking it can be a huge event next year. We’re talking about it over at The Writers View.

My drive to Dallas was my first real venture out since I broke my collarbone. I was still in a sling and brace, but Richard was on point, helping me every step of the way. But I honestly forgot that I was injured when I stepped into a world of books and authors.

I needed this.

I saw friends. People like Lysa TerKeurst of Proverbs 31, who is always ready with her N. Carolina twang and warm hugs to pull you in tight. Author Mary DeMuth who knocked it out of the ballpark on a Christianity Today panel with Don Miller and others on their thoughts about post-Christianity.

I was intrigued by what Donald Miller (Blue Like Jazz) had to say about our faith. Do I agree with everything he said? I’m not sure, but I do know he’s asking the tough questions and a lot of what he said resonated. The Harris twins, Alex and Brett, authors of Do Hard Things shared how they wanted to inspire teens to change the world. It was interesting to hear how God used two 16-year-old bloggers to motivate teens to rebel against low expectations.

A sweet moment came as I sat at the book table and a young girl approached me.

“Did you break your collarbone?” she asked.

I said I did.

She explained that she broke her collarbone twice and knew how painful it could be. “Can I pray for you?” she asked.

Then came the sweetest prayer every spoken. She took my hand, bowed her head, and asked God to heal me and take away the pain. It was a powerful God moment.

Being around other writers and readers is invigorating to me. I left exhausted, but happy.

I’m taking a couple of days off to recuperate, but I’m so glad I got to go.

But I’m still disheartened for the organizers. I was shocked that so few came to this conference where awesome speakers, authors and musical artists like Michelle McKinney Hammond, Donald Miller, Henry Blackaby, Janette Oke, Nicole C. Mullen, Max Lucado, Jerry Jenkins, Don Piper, J. I. Packer, Randy Alcorn, Stormie O’Martien, Stephen Arterburn, Kevin Lehman, Thelma Wells, Sheila Walsh, Jennifer Rothschild, and many others, were in attendance. There were so many great workshops and services.

Talk to me. Are you attending conferences? What draws you to a conference? What makes a good conference? What is your favorite conference?

I really want to hear what you have to share.

Suz

What I’m reading right now

March 26, 2009 | books

If you know me, you know that I have about six to seven books (or ten) open all the time.

What am I reading right now?

1. Angry Conversations with God by Susan E. Isaacs

2. Mama’s Got a Fake ID by Caryn Rivadeneira

3. Daisy Chain by Mary DeMuth

4. This is Your Brain on Joy by Dr. Earl Hensley

5. When Someone You Love Has Cancer by Cecil Murphey

6. The B.I.B.L.E. (currently in the book of John)

7. Just Another Girl by Melody Carlson

8. Last Mango in Texas by Ray Blackston

What are you reading?