…and the winners are
Patricia of http://www.caregivingandbeyond.blogspot.com/
Leigh France of http://www.leighfrance.blogspot.com/
Please send me your mailing address at tseller@daretobelieve.org and your autographed copy of Real Issues, Real Teens: What Every Parent Needs to Know will go out in the mail asap!
When God Turned Off the LightsEvery once in a while a person comes into your life that absolutely changes you.
Cec Murphey is one of those people in my life. He’s my mentor, and there are several others who would say the same thing. He’s direct. He’s caring. And he’s the youngest 70+ year old I’ve ever met.
I was hanging out with Cec in Montana at a writer’s retreat last year. It was fun to watch him in action. He personally enriched the writing dreams of 10 people from all over the nation who had come to sit under his teaching. He was energetic. He started his day with a run every single morning while the rest of us spit out a few zzzz’s under the cover.
He has written over 100 books. I would give an exact number, but every time I do another one has come out.
I am privileged to review and read his latest: When God Turned Off the Lights.
Cec suggests that there are three choices when the lights go out:
1) we can give up,
2) we can examine ourselves for sin or failure, or
3) we can accept that God has hidden His face from us for a purpose.
It’s a topic that a lot of people don’t want to talk about, but if you are the one sitting in the dark it’s all you can think about.
Cec gently and honestly shares his experiences, and how he made the most of his time in the darkness and chose the latter two responses, because he wasn’t about to give up.
I read a lot of books and every once in a while I come across one that is so honest that I mark it “Suzie’s” and put it on the bookshelf to read again—and again.
This is one of those books.
Have you ever felt that God turned off the lights? If so, I’d recommend that you invest in this powerful resource and invite my friend, Cec Murphey, to join you in the darkness as he shows you the Light.
Check out the book (you can read an excerpt online).
Bo’s Cafe
Stephen is out of control. He’s angry and his wife and daughter never know when he’s going to blow it. He’s 34, a top executive and has the car and the cash and the beautiful house.
What he doesn’t have is peace, or answers.
He keeps trying to fix his temper. He and Lindsey fight. One of them walks out. His daughter retreats.
Then they start all over again.
One day he runs into a friend of his dad’s in a bar. A retired guy who wears a Hawaiian shirt and shorts and drives an old Buick Electra, Stephen is positive this guy has nothing to offer.
The old guy invites him to Bo’s Cafe, a colorful restaurant on the cove with even more colorful characters, and there he finds acceptance. Stephen starts his journey toward healing, though it’s not an easy road, and in an entirely different direction than he wants to go.
Bo’s Cafe is a fictional story that was easy to read and reminded me of books like The Noticer, Shack, and others that delve less deeply into a plot than it does a message.
Read an excerpt.
when your childhood memories affect your children
“I hate you!”
“I want it, momma. I want it now!”
You know those moments. Every mother has faced them. Even the best behaved children sometimes does it. They are tired. They want something even though they know the answer is “no”. They are angry, or frustrated, or even out of control.
This is when many mothers lose focus. It becomes personal. We think things like:
Don’t you know how hard I work for you?
Don’t you know you are embarrassing me in front of all these people?
If you really loved me, you wouldn’t say/do/think that…
The truth is that your children don’t know those things. And rather than taking it personal, the real question is: what does my child need to learn right now, in this moment?
Maybe she needs to learn that you can’t always have what you want. Or if you throw a big fit in Wal Mart, there are consequences. You don’t get a reward, but reasonable and patient discipline.
Maybe he needs to learn that in the “your last name here” household, we treat each other with respect. If you say “I hate you”, we’re not going to tangle in a verbal word-fare, but we’re going to talk through it, really listen, and come to a resolution. But in the meantime, those words aren’t allowed. Not from him. Not from you.
When your memories as a child were painful, you can become super sensitive to the words from your own children. After all, it’s your greatest desire to have something better for you, and your children, than what you received.
That’s why some mommas take it personal. It hurts. It’s going against everything you want: a peaceful, fun home that is safe for everyone.
But this is the scoop: 1) your child is a work in progress, and 2) he or she has no idea of your past pain, and isn’t big enough or wise enough to make your hopes for a good family come true.
So, what do you do?
Take personalization out of the equation. Your child isn’t trying to hurt you, embarrass you, or make your life difficult. They are little warm bodies with a brain that is still developing (and will be until their early twenties), and you and I have the most amazing responsibility and gift of helping them become good, responsible, caring human beings.
So, when they throw a fit in Wal Mart, forget the people around you. Don’t worry about what they are saying, and focus on your child. What lesson needs to be taught right in that moment?
Stay calm. Be the adult. That’s the defining moment: Your child has what you did not: a calm, reasonable, loving parent who is willing to tough it out through the bad moments to teach a child in the right way.
And suddenly you are shaping your children’s memories, instead of your old memories shaping your children.
Helpful resource: The Mom I Want to Be: Rising Above Your Past to Give Your Kids a Great Future and other parenting books.
This week on Christian Momlogic
Three amazing bloggers joined me on Christian Momlogic, which means there is a ton more information for moms and women!
Jill Hart is an expert for work-at-home moms. She shares the scoop on how to stay at home with your kids and make an income at the same time. She also deals with issues that come up with being a work-at-home mom.
Carla Williams is the spiritual mom. She’s a grandma (a young one!), mom to many, and best of all she’s a warm, loving human being who loves to mentor other women in parenting and in faith.
Last, but not least, is Takiela Bynum. A pastor’s wife, radio host, and friend, Takiela talks about what it’s like to be a special needs mom. She’s battling lupus and living life large. Her posts reach out to moms who have struggled with sickness, and perhaps just need to connect with another woman who gets it.
Expressions of a Drama Tween
Check out these helpful posts this week on Christian Momlogic:
Book Review: Have a New Husband by Friday
Richard walked in from the bedroom, holding Dr. Kevin Leman’s book in his hand.
“Have a new husband by Friday?” he said. He pretended to be sad. “Oh, no. It’s Thursday!”
Okay, Dr. Leman isn’t suggesting that you ship your guy out the door. He’s simply giving five days worth of instruction to help you reconnect with your guy in a whole new way.
I’ll be honest. There’s some information in the first chapter that made me roll my eyes. After all, I know Richard. And I’m a modern, independent woman. We have a good relationship and I doubted whether Day One would make a whole lot of difference.
But I wanted to be open minded, so I put Day One into action.
And the results surprised me. Day Two, I read Chapter Two. And it made me look at a few things a little differently.
By Day Five, I didn’t have a new husband. I like the one I had before. But what I did have is an understanding of a few things I could do that really make him happy.
I like Dr. Leman’s conversational tone. Sometimes it feels a little old-fashioned, except for the fact that it really connected with my guy — who’s not old fashioned at all. Hmm.
And I was grateful that Dr. Leman didn’t assume that all women reading this had a guy who could be a “new husband” by Friday. He took a time out in the middle of the book to talk honestly to women whose husband was verbally, physically, or sexually abusive.
Overall, I think it’s a great resource. If you gain just a few tips that make your marriage stronger, it’s worth it. But if your marriage really is struggling, I think it’s well worth the investment.
Just my two cents,
Suzie
T. Suzanne Eller
Proverbs 31 Ministries speaker, columnist, and author T. Suzanne Eller teaches you how to give every chapter of your life to a relevant and life-changing Savior.
