How our words impact our girls
My girls accused me of being the worst when it came to accepting a compliment.
“Mom, you look pretty today.”
“Thanks, babe. You’re kind to say that when I just got out of bed.” or “My hair is kind of crazy today” or worse. . .
Some might say it’s self effacing. Humble. It wasn’t any of those things.
What I didn’t realize at the time is that it was sending a message to my two beautiful daughters. First, I bounced back their sincere and kind compliments with a negative. Second, I was sending a silent message about falling short physically.
When my daughters pointed it out, I listened. I realized it was a habit. We women do it all the time.
“Love those shoes.” ”Oh, they were on sale. Cheap as dirt.”
“I love the message you shared.” “If only I hadn’t been so nervous. I messed up the end.”
Like a game of verbal ping pong we negate the good, bringing it down a notch. . . or two or three.
Today on Moms Together I am talking with Erin Webb, founder of Beautiful You, Inc. She’s trying to get the message out that our girls are taking a nose dive in their self worth after the age of 9, and as moms there are many things we can do about it.
She suggests first that we evaluate the words we say about our own self worth. I have learned to say thank you when someone offers a sincere compliment.
Second, that we begin our daughter(s) day with a compliment about an inner quality, rather than focusing on how they look. That made me think of my two girls. Leslie is a gentle soul. Fun. Kind. Intelligent. She loves God and I see that in her. Melissa is tenacious. Fierce. Loving. She is a fighter for all the right reasons, caring for the underprivileged, loving on those who others might overlook.
Third, that we focus on things like healthy living, rather than being thin. That we never compare with our words. That we leave notes that encourage them in their lunch box, on their mirror, on the steering wheel of their car. Just somewhere on occasion with words that tell them that they are valued for who they are.
I hope you’ll join the conversation at Moms Together today. Erin has lots more to share with us on how our words and our lives can impact our girls today in their faith, in their relationships, and in their future.
Posted by Suzie @
1:26 pm |
When your child is in trouble
If you came over from Encouragement for Today, welcome!
Your child is in trouble. Maybe you suspect it. Or maybe it’s obvious to the world. And you’re worried.
What can you do? (more…)
Posted by Suzie @
4:55 am |
Lesson from a yellow slip and slide
She was buck naked. She had drank enough water from the plastic kiddie pool that her little belly looked like a watermelon.
Her twin brother had on a diaper. It weighed as much as he did, swaying with a gallon of water.
The oldest had on her bikini, a tight bow wrapped at the nape of her neck. While her younger brother and sister ran at the yellow slip and slide with abandon, throwing themself with arms out like super man, she timidly ran at it and slid on her bottom, a look of sheer delight on her face.
I was wearing a swimsuit. My hair was wet, sort of. The kind of wet that comes from a flailing water hose. It was mashed with Dawn Liquid dish soap where I had accidently got the soap in my hair.
We were laughing. A lot. The Dawn Liquid made the yellow slip and slide a rocket, their little bodies flying as they squealed in delight.
And then the car drove up.
Three church ladies stepped out. They were wearing dresses. Their hair was fixed.
I looked at my self, my body bearing the marks of three babies born in 19 months. What would they think of my naked child with the watermelon belly. My son with the 10 lb. diaper. My daughter who had somehow managed to take her top off in spite of my well-tied bow at the nape of her neck.
“Can we come in?” one asked.
That’s when panic set in.
(more…)
Posted by Suzie @
1:10 pm |
The real monster
When I first married Richard, I lay awake every night.I was a city girl and used to the sounds of traffic. Of sirens. Of people.But not quiet rustlings. Scampering. Coyotes howling. Skritch. Scratch. All night long there were sounds. This city girl didn’t know what to do. I felt a little like a little girl afraid of the monster under the bed.
You know it’s not real, but the fear? It’s absolutely real. (more…)
Posted by Suzie @
4:30 am |
Conflict is an opportunity
In the book, Hope in the Face of Conflict, it reads: No researchers have ever found a conflict-free society.
There is conflict. . .even in healthy families.
There is conflict. . .even in normal relationships.
If we perceive conflict as always bad, things get confusing. We enter a marriage and think that if we love each other, then there shouldn’t be conflict. Or we have a baby who is perfect, but then they grow up and we wonder where things went wrong.
But if instead, we accepted from the very beginning that there will be conflict, instead of being suprised, we’d be prepared with a plan.
What will I do when conflict arises?
What is my plan? (more…)
Posted by Suzie @
11:30 am |
To live free: Envision a just outcome
Our brains are powerful. They can be a theatre where we dream. Where we imagine. Where we remember.
They can also be a place where we go over and over again the words that someone said. Or where we plot.
She should get what she deserves.
How much of our thought life do we spend devoted to bitterness over the words or actions of another? (more…)
Posted by Suzie @
4:12 am |
