Your teen’s cluster {{Giveaway}}

July 3, 2009 | books, family

If you came over from Encouragement for Today, welcome!

If you watch teen movies they often show a teen longing to sit at a popular table in the lunch room. It’s the first clue that this movie was made by adults who don’t live in a real teen world. Most teens will walk past that table to sit with friends who are loyal, who like them for who they are, and who they can count on to be there the next day.

It’s called the cluster – three to five people where you fit and feel like you belong.

I interviewed hundreds of teens when writing my book, Real Issues, Real Teens: What Every Parent Needs to Know. It was when I realized that family had taken on a new definition. A few years back “family” was a group of people who lived in the same home. It might include a mom, dad and siblings and Spot the dog.

Today a teen might live in that or a similar situation, but their idea of family is where they feel loved and accepted. It might be a circle of friends. It could be the family next door, or a youth pastor and his wife, or a group of guys who ask for loyalty and promise the same. It could be a guy who says he loves her, or a girl who promises she’ll be true to him alone.

It’s the new cluster. 

Are you in your teen’s cluster?

Suzie, I’m not my children’s friend. I’m their parent.

Let me ask you again. Are you in your teen’s cluster? Do they feel safe in your home? Do they know they are loved (even if they are in the learning stage)? Do they feel accepted (even if they are a work in progress)?
If teens do not feel welcome in their churches, their youth groups, or families, they will leave—emotionally or physically—to find a cluster that will accept them. And sometimes that is when our teens get in trouble.

Parenting is hard work, and especially so in the teen years. I’m not blind to teen’s faults. I have worked with and loved all kinds of teens. Teens with a hard shell around their heart. Teens who are friendly and inviting. Immature teens and wise teens. At-risk teens and teens who have made few mistakes. I’ve even worked with teens who got up and walked away when I sat by them, making me feel like I was in middle school all over again.

But I’ve learned that almost every teen will open up if they genuinely believe that you care about them and see the best in them.

So let me ask the question a third time: are you in your teen’s cluster? Does she know that you believe in her, even when she’s struggling to believe in herself?

Does he know that you are his safe place when the world outside the door is tricky to navigate day by day?

Does he or she hear words like “I love you” even when you are training, teaching, or disciplining? Do they know that you are dealing with the behavior, but still love the person standing in front of you?

I hope you’ll check out the book, Real Issues, Real Teens: What Every Parent Needs to Know. It’s a book that changed me as a parent while I wrote it as I listened to hundreds of teens talk about faith, peer pressure, sex, family, communication, and much, much more.

I’ll give away one copy of this book to a commenter below. I’ll draw a name on Monday! (Be sure to leave a link or e-mail address so I can contact you.)

retro Suzie

June 17, 2009 | daily ramblings, family, feelings

I’ve been trying to lose weight for six months. Not be a skinny, skinny girl but a healthy old lady one day.

The broken collarbone and messed up shoulder slowed me down — way down. And now I’m back on track. I’m taking it slow, working out every morning and making baby steps of progress.

Leslie and Melissa, my daughters

But my girls have been fussing at me. Not about my work outs or my progress. They are great cheerleaders, but about my wardrobe.

Show your arms, mom!

You mean hoppy and bob? Are you serious? These arms don’t get to come out and play, kiddos.

Stop wearing jackets, mom.  You’re wearing layers and it’s summer. Aren’t you hot?

While I’m thankful for my fashion gurus, I’m not always comfortable with my flaws.

But what am I teaching my girls about growing older gracefully? And who cares if my arms aren’t as toned as Michelle Obama’s. I’m working hard at being fit, and that’s all that matters.

So, I bought a dress for the wedding (the one where I wore my dancing shoes). It was retro. Fun! Large blocks of colors. It was sleeveless, something I was thankful for on the dance floor and in the Oklahoma sunshine earlier in the day. I poofed my hair in a miniature beehive, threw on the black strappy heels, and let hoppy and bob enjoy the dancing in the cool air.

It was retro Suzie. Not just the dress. But before having babies, or turning 40….almost 50.

(This is a pic of me with my son, Ryan. Isn’t he tall and handsome?)

Every once in a while I need to publicly let my girls know that they aren’t just fashion gurus, but wise women in the making.

Thanks, girls. I love you like crazy. You too, Ry.

Mom

Another busy weekend

May 8, 2009 | community, daily ramblings, family, ministry life

I’m packing and cleaning and writing and juggling!

My SIL graduates this weekend with his Masters in Social Work Counseling at the University of Arkansas. He starts a new job in June working at an organization that counsels at-risk youth with mental health needs. He’s great at it and loves it. He can’t talk about individual cases, of course, but when he talks about his job it’s evident it’s a good fit for both him and the youth.

(Pic is of Josh and my daughter, Melissa!)

From there I’ll make a break for Branson U.S.A. It’s a beautiful area and I’ll take a day to meet with our pastor and others to pray and talk about the vision for the church and community for the next several months.

I’ll be honest. This is packed right in the heart of several other projects/events and I wasn’t sure if I should add it to the calendar. But as it approaches I’m asking God to help me be an encouragement and support to my home church staff, people and pastor. They work so hard and have such a heart for ministry. I’m excited to be a part of a church that really cares about its people and community.

After that I’ll dash home in time to visit with some great women on a call-in conference call. Women ministry leaders from all over the nation will tune in and we’ll talk about Pushing Past Your Past conference weekends and topics like forgiveness, wholeness, parenting, pursuing your passion and more.

And then I’ll take off on Wednesday for Estes Park to teach at the Colorado Christian Writers Conference.

I’ve been working out again (took 9 weeks off after I broke a bone) so I can be up to the high altitude. You know they don’t have much of that here in Oklahoma, so the first day I drink tons of water and take it easy and my body adjusts. Eventually!

I can walk miles here, but there I walk like a 90+ year-old girl in traction. After the first day I start turning into my own age again!

I’ll post pics from the graduation and also share highlights from CCWC next week.

See you on Monday!

Kim - an update

May 6, 2009 | daily ramblings, family

I shared with you the story of my niece, Kim, who was hit by a monster-sized dune buggy three weeks ago. She goes into surgery today.

Kim is slowly improving. Her wit and faith are strong. She and I talk a few times a week. She’s been in physical therapy and she celebrates things like standing with a walker and moving her toes.

The nine or so breaks (back, hip, sternum, tailbone) are trying to heal, but the knee is a huge obstacle. The surgery is to repair all the tendons and ligaments and to take the pressure off of a major artery.

It’s a delicate surgery and one I’m inviting you to pray with. I told Kim I was asking many to pray. Her response? “Cool!”

She might be in surgery even as you read this. Thank you for asking for God’s hand over the surgery, for protection, for wisdom on the surgeons’ part, and for peace for Brandon (her young husband) and her extended family.

Love you guys. I’m so thankful I can ask for prayer and know that you are joining me in praying for Kim. (pic is of us when I broke my collarbone and she had just had surgery on her knee  - same one they are operating on today)

This week on Christian Momlogic

April 30, 2009 | family, friendship, fun, momlogic

What is Christian momlogic? It’s a community in Time Warner’s Momlogic comprised of faith-filled woman and moms who talk about life, motherhood, relationships, and more.

It’s a community where people like Kathy E. shares her fears about an upcoming conference and a group of praying women encourage her.

It’s a community where experts and authors and everyday moms share information that helps women grow.

It’s a community that Suzie hosts and gets to connect with new friends every day.

What’s on Christian Momlogic this week?

• Show and Tell: Laugh Out Loud Fun
• Did He Run It For Me? A Heartwarming story
• Just a Little Bleach in the Bottle?? – a green {{giveaway}}
• Timeless Advice for Women: Interview w/seasoned mom and author, Kathi Macias {{givewaway}}

Want to join Suzie in Christian momlogic? Click here. Join! This makes you a member of Momlogic.

Then click on groups and choose Christian Momlogic as your community!

Time Warner is the host of Momlogic. There are several other great (and diverse) communities for moms on Momlogic. You can be a member of as many as you wish. A couple of good ones are “Win It” (to be eligible for super nice prizes) or Zip It (for those wanting to lose weight).

You said…

April 28, 2009 | books, family, feelings

Hello! I am reading The Mom I Want To Be and wanted to share the story of how I came across it.

I recieve a daily devotional email from Crosswalk.com, which I unfortunately rarely have the time to read. Well, one day I was having a really bad day as a mom, and thought the encouagement would be helpful. At the end of the email was a link to your book. I read the excerpt on Amazon and instantly KNEW I needed to get my hands on a copy. I couldn’t find it locally, so I had Barnes & Noble order it for me. All week I looked foward to picking it up! The day it came in happened to be a rare day in my world… my children were gone overnight to my in-laws and my husband was at work.

I had ALL of the rainy afternoon to myself to read! I then discovered that you are from Oklahoma! I’m in Edmond (just north of OKC). THEN tonight I was reading comments on a blog of a mom I recently met and I saw you had commented. I don’t usually write to authors or anything, but just felt that I had to!

I have to tell you the Lord is bringing such healing to my heart. I thought I had dealt with so much of the wounds from my childhood in my 10 years of knowing Christ. Lately, though, I have been struggling more than ever with anger, frustration and just plain crankiness toward my children.

I have to move past this! I feel that their little years are going by so fast and I want to cherish each day! I don’t want to let my past rob me of joy any longer! Your book has been such a great tool for the Lord to walk me step by step thru deeper healing and better perspective on what it is to disciple and instruct the children He has entrusted to me.

THANK YOU for your obedience to Him. I have sensed Him leading me to write at some point. I pray that I can be as effective to His Glory as He has blessed you to be. You are an inspiration to share what great things He has done!

Many Blessings,
Christie G.

Dear Christie,

Thanks for taking the time to write. You encouraged me today and I thank you for that. I pray that God continues this amazing work of healing and joy in your heart. You are awesome. ♥ Suzie

will you pray?

April 24, 2009 | family

Kim and Aunt Suzie

I got a call on Saturday that rocked my world. “Kim’s been hurt and they are life flighting her to a hospital.”

Kim’s my niece. I have strong bonds with all my nieces and nephews, and Kim and I especially so. She’s got a snarky wit and fun outlook on life. I love hanging out with her. She and I have been in a race of sorts. She had knee surgery the same week I broke my collarbone, so we have compared notes. It eventually turned into a competition to see who could get well first. (This is a recent picture where we compared our progress.)

When I arrived at the hospital I wasn’t prepared for what she had gone through. Lacerated liver and spleen. Fractured back, rib, knee blown out completely (same one she just had surgery on), concussion, hip out of socket and fractured, and bruises from head to toe.

Ten years ago my son was hurt by a drunk driver. I remember how I felt seeing him for the first time. He had 12 fractures from the waist down. At that time I didn’ t know how long of a road he had to recover, which was merciful. But I also didn’t know what I do know now and that is that bones heal. It takes time, but they get better. (Ryan is competing in a marathon this weekend!) My heart hurts, but I also have high hopes.

When I walked into the room, Kim opened one eye and said, “How’s the collarbone?”

And I wanted to cry. That was my biggest fear. When she was hit by the SUV-sized dune buggy it cracked her helmet in half and she was thrown 60-feet with out a helmet or protection.

Kim was still in there.

Can I ask you a favor? Will you put my sweet niece on your prayer lists? On your church prayer lists? I want this young couple (she’s been married for two years) to feel the presence of God around them. Today they are transporting her eight hours to get her closer to home and to a facility that will help her heal. I’m praying protection over every inch of their trip. I’m praying for them financially. I’m praying that all the details will work out for the next few week’s care.

She hurts. Her memory is still suffering. She has a long road ahead of her, but as one friend encouraged, “She lives!”. And that’s amazing news.

a powerful reminder

April 22, 2009 | family, feelings

I have been flooded with e-mails from those who read Encouragement for Today or Darrin’s interview. Most shared their own stories, how they once felt that they couldn’t live or about their struggle with depression.

Today I received an e-mail from a woman who wanted to share a different perspective. She is someone whose loved one attempted suicide and succeeded. She was encouraged by Darrin’s story, but also wanted to share her perspective and a little advice.

Hello suzanne,

What people fail to realize is what suicide does to those left behind. In my Survivors of Suicide Support Group in Kentucky, we are 25-30 strong. We talk about the hurt and pain it leaves behind and how it changes survivors’ lives. It impacted me and my children. 

I’m glad your friend didn’t die though he was a lucky one. Many just want to end their own pain but it’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem that cannot be reversed. This has affected me spiritually. It’s a battle for me spiritually every day.

Maybe I’m trying to make your readers aware of the magnitude it leaves behind from a survivor’s standpoint.

I also want to let your readers to know to seek out support groups in their area. There are websites for survivors and also an association of suicide for prevention of suicides.

Read books and find a support group. They are a very big asset in recovery. It’s not going to be easy. I know. I have done it. 

Thank you 
Mary Ann Kelley

Another resource for women

April 18, 2009 | community, family, ministries

There is an organization that was created to encourage, educate and equip women in the profession of motherhood. Hearts at Home helps thousands of moms love their lives through their many resources including conferences, website, and books.

I’ve had the privilege of speaking at Hearts at Home several times. I’ve even traveled to Europe twice to speak to moms in Hungary, Austria, and Germany with Hearts at Home Intl. They are the real deal!

Recently I partnered up with this organization as a blogger. I know. I blog here, at Christian Momlogic, at Real Teen Faith, for Christianity Today’s Gifted for Leadership.

One more blog, Suzie? Are you kidding?

I’m just passionate about connecting with great organizations that really do care about women of faith.

From time to time I will share with you the many resources this ministry has to offer (old ones and new). To learn more about the Hearts at Home Blogging team go here. In the meantime I would like to encourage you to explore their website and blog for an immediate dose of mothering encouragement.

This week on Christian Momlogic

April 16, 2009 | family, giveaways, interviews, momlogic

At Christian Momlogic we are at 331 members. Women from all over the US and outside the US are coming together. Real friendships are taking place.

Just last week I received a phone call from one women. She had met three CML members who lived in her city. They met and attended a Bible study together, and are quickly becoming friends. She was estatic!

Last week Sarah Ballard of Muskogee won a $400 diamond designer necklace. Melony Hopfer won a Sane Fitness kit. Susanna B. won an autographed copy of Mary DeMuth’s new book, Daisy Chain. Jean F. won an autographed copy of my book, Real Issues Real Teens, and Jaymie D. won an autographed copy of Mama’s Got a Fake ID.

We just wrapped up the discussion of Last Mango in Texas in our book club. Laura Polk is leading us into the next book, so we hope you’ll join us! 

Last of all, women are losing weight in the Christian Momlogic healthy living group and that’s just plain cool.

What can you find in Christian Momlogic this week?

• Blog spotlight: RyleeforLife

   

  - Dawn and her husband of ten years were perfectly happy with their family, but the thought of adoption just wouldn’t go away. Enter beautiful 4-year-old Rylee from China (isn’t she beautiful?). Dawn shares how adoption changed her family and her heart.

• This is Your Brain on Joy! - Review of revolutionary new approach to depression, anger, and other issues. Melding science with faith.
• Mama’s Got a Fake ID - Interview with author Caryn Rivadeniera who says “love the role of motherhood, but still be you!”
• My 3-year-old Refuses to Potty Train - It’s our “ask an expert” Q&A. Childhood expert Brenda Nixon answers this tough question.
• My Teen is Disrespectful - Another “ask an expert” Q&A.

Do you want to join us? It’s kind of like Facebook, but for moms and women of faith. It’s one of 400 communities in Time Warner’s Momlogic, which has 13,000 members who have joined since January. CML is a cozy niche that seems to be growing into something amazing.

Step 1: To join, go to momlogic and check us out. Join! That will make you a momlogic community member.

Step 2: Click on groups and choose “Christian Momlogic” or “Christian Momlogic Healthy Living” or “Christian Momlogic Book Club”. Click on any of those and join right on the page!