I received a cool e-mail yesterday from a blog reader. Coworkers were passing around my story, Berry Mauve and Muted Wine. She is a cancer survivor and wanted me to know that she loved the story.
It’s one of my favorites, and always will be. So, here it is. A rerun. Same ole girl. Same ole guy. Seventeen years as a cancer survivor celebration coming up in September.
He found me weeping bitterly in the hospital room.
“What’s wrong?” Richard asked, knowing that we both had reason to cry.
In the past forty-eight hours, I learned that I had a cancerous lump in my breast that had spread to my lymph nodes, and there was a possible spot on my brain. We were both thirty-two with three young children. (more…)
I swam with her and the other women at the YMCA on Saturday. I carved out a couple of days to spend with mom. She is strong again now, recouped from her scary illness in April. It was a wake-up call for me, that I might not always have forever. Funny, since that is something I talk about often, and believe.
“Do you have your swimsuit?” she asked.
“I do,” I said.
Her face lit up. The greenhouse pool at the Y was at a smokin’ 113 degrees, but the water was cool and wonderful. The aerobics weren’t strenuous, and in fact I think that most of the women just moved around a whole lot while they talked with each other.
There were lots of comments from the other 70-somethings, like, “who is this pretty young’un?”.
I love to be called young’un at 48.
Mom’s friends were sweet, and interesting. One lived in Germany for 11 years while her husband served in the military. Another was a grandma with three thirty-something children and she was raising a grandchild. Another had suffered some extreme health problems over the last year, but her concern was for my mom and her recent bout.
As I drove home I thought about my mom’s smile. It’s beautiful. It really is. She has somehow managed to keep a youthful, vibrant smile and she used it alot that day. She was happy, and it just didn’t take much.
Remember how we talked about passion last week? How we get so caught up in the busyness of life that minutes, days, years tick by and suddenly we realize we’ve invested time, effort, emotional and physical health in things that don’t mean a lot when we stop and measure it?
I’ve decided that making my mom smile is a worthwhile endeavor, and that throwing a swimsuit in my backseat and hanging out with her friends for an hour every once in a while is a good thing.
A professor just died. He wasn’t famous, until he was diagnosed with cancer. He gave a last lecture describing how he viewed life now that it was ending. To date, this lecture has received millions of hits on YouTube. His inspirational talk has caused millions to rethink what matters. I hope you’ll check it out.
One vehicle for my passion is ministry to teens and parents of teens. This is a recent post that I shared with Hearts at Home readers (an Intl. ministry to moms).
Your Teen’s Faith Walk
I love how little children view God.
Shelby, age 7, says, “God gets sad if you tell a lie, or if you hurt someone, or if you sneeze on someone on purpose.”
Sara, age 6, says “God is in love with your heart. He made people with hearts and he also made trees. But people are harder to make than trees.”
It’s a simple view of faith, and I wish it remained that way. But having worked with teens, I see many youth arrive at the teen years with mixed messages, confused precepts, and often a hunger to know God in more than a hanging-out-in-a-pew kind of way.
What are teens saying about God?
Amanda, age 18, says, “I am constantly being stretched to love God more passionately, to pursue Him more wholeheartedly, and to minister to those around me.”
Gemma, age 13, says, “My parents could impact my faith if they would believe it themselves.”
Janelle, age 15 says, “I need to figure out some things on my own, including where I stand with God and making God my own instead of my parents’ God.” (more…)
I had a great time at the leadership conference yesterday. The audience was amazing and receptive. The women who put this together worked hard and it showed in every detail.
At lunch I listened to a keynote. She was engaging, funny, and a good speaker. But I struggled with her message.
She shared life lessons from her journey to a top CEO. Some of them were:
*If you want to be a leader, you can’t make every ballgame, class party, or event for your child. It’s not fair, but it’s life. Get over it.
*If you want to be a leader, dress for success - no heels (if you wear heels, make them “man heels”), less makeup, no long hair (high school hair), dress professional*Business is business — don’t take it personal
As I listened, I thought if that is leadership, then I don’t want it.
Have you ever done something and instantly knew it was a mistake?
Right before I traveled to She Speaks I thought it would be a great idea to add some highlights. My beautician had cut it but didn’t have time to do anything else. I went home, bummed, until I saw Melissa. She and Josh were visiting.
I ran to Wal Mart and picked up a highlighting kit that promised to be easy and fun. I couldn’t wait to tell Melissa that I had handpicked her to help me with this hair project. And according to the box, there was fun to be had as well.
“Don’t ask me to do this,” she said.
I was surprised at her lack of enthusiasm. Melissa loves hanging out with me (a total blessing), and usually she’s game for a challenge.
“I’m begging you,” she said. “You’ll regret this.” (more…)
Before I had children, I had a Good Mom list. It read something like this:
When I become a mother, I will not ignore my children.
When I become a mother, I will not physically harm my children.
When I become a mother, I will not scream or yell.
When I become a mother, I will never humiliate my child.
It was all the things I promised I’d never do to my children. I ask this same question at every parenting conference, and moms add their wishes to the list:
I won’t force my children to be something they are not
I won’t tell my children that they are lazy or stupid.
I won’t lose it!
While all of these are good things, a Good Mom list isn’t very functional. When your five-year-old has a meltdown in WalMart or your preteen screams, “I hate you”, you can whip out your Good Mom list all that you want. You can even stand in the aisle of the grocery store chanting, “I will not; I will not; I will not” while Jr. kicks your shins, turns red in the face, and threatens to hold his breath.
At that moment, you need to know what to do, rather than what not to do. (more…)
Josh was the first. He and Melissa married three years ago. He instantly felt like family. I knew his mother gave birth to him, and I would never take her place, but he felt like my own.
And then Leslie came home. She talked about a guy named Stephen. This was big news because Leslie was in law school and my beautiful daughter dated no one, except “friend dates” and study dates. She was focused on her career and law school. Unlike Melissa, who tells us everything, Leslie is more reserved. If she was talking about someone, he was a big deal.
Four months.
That’s the amount of time both of our daughters gave us to plan a wedding. No year-long engagements for the Eller family. : ) As we planned, I wondered, “would we/could we love Stephen as much as our first in-law child?”
They just celebrated their first year of marriage. We fell in love with his silly antics, singing and swooping Leslie off her feet. He’s a lawyer, too, so there’s a serious side, but he’s in love with my daughter and a joy to know, and I’m grateful to call him son-in-law.
Melissa and Josh are staying with us for a few days. They are in transition, moving from one state to another to start Josh’s Masters degree and Melissa’s doctorate.
I know that many people find a crowded home awkward as adults navigate around the parent/child– adult/adult relationship. Sure, there’s a learning curve as my children get older and as our family grows to include sons- and a daughter-in-law, but I absolutely love my home full of family.
Funny, but I once thought the whole parenting aspect was complete at a certain time. (more…)
My daughter’s good friend, LeAnne, has a 2 1/2 year old son named Titus. If there was an award for the cutest kid ever category, I think he would win it. I checked in to LeAnne’s Facebook lately and she had shared some of Titus’ recent sayings. You got to read these. They are priceless.
We were sitting on the front porch sharing my ipod.
I asked, “Hey Titus, do you want some ice cream?”
He answered with his eyes closed:
“Just let me listen. I’m enjoying this music”
(John Prine, “Thats The Way The World Goes Round”)
After being asked: “Hey Titus, what do you want to be when you grow up? An architect, engineer…or an artist?” He was building a bridge out of his fort building kit.
He answered: “No…I’m going to help little children cross the street when im a grown-up.” Then finished building his bridge.
He was asked by a friend we had to dinner, “Titus do you work? Do you have a job?” He answered, “My job is to take care of momma.” (more…)
Berry Mauve or Muted Wine
It takes so little to make my mother happy.
Have you ever done something and instantly knew it was a mistake?
Before I had children, I had a Good Mom list. It read something like this:
