Encouragement for Today
April 20, 2009 | Interesting People,Proverbs 31 Ministries
Perhaps you came over from the Proverbs 31 devo. If you did, welcome! I sat down with Darrin this weekend and talked about what has happened in his life in the last 10 years. This is what he had to say:
Suzie: Darrin, ten years has passed since the day you lost hope. What has taken place in that time?
Darrin: Wow! More than I could have imagined at the time. It was July 2, 1997, when I tried to commit suicide. Since that time, I’ve discovered a real relationship with Christ. God has brought wonderful people into my life who helped me tremendously to get through all the crud and have been there with me ever since. I’ve learned not only how to ask for help but also how to accept it.
I’ve also learned how to help others get through the same things that I experienced. I got married in November of 1999 to my best friend, Sarah. When we first got married we spent some time as youth pastors in Wagoner, OK. Then we moved to Ohio for three and a half years to help start a church. We’ve been on three missions trips to two countries, Ireland and Antigua, and are planning to one day live in Ireland as missionaries.
We have three beautiful children: Abi, Caleb, and Jaxon. If you would have told me all that was going to happen back in 1997, I would have made a different choice.
Suzie: I think that is one of the most powerful truths I’ve learned from you. When life is bleak, hang on. It can and will change.
Suzie: You mentioned Sarah and the kiddos. Tell us more about your family.
Darrin: My wife, Sarah, is the best friend I’ve ever had (which is one of the reasons I married her). She’s also gorgeous (another reason I married her). After I got saved I knew I wanted a woman like Proverbs 31 describes, and that’s exactly what I got. It’s been so much fun being married to her because we have just enough in common to make life fun and interesting, and the differences we do have are areas where we both needed balance. We both feel a definite call to missions and are planning to move to Ireland one day.
Abi is my five year old princess! When she was a baby I used to sing You are my Sunshine to her, and that’s exactly what she is. She is just as beautiful as her mother and has my personality, which is at some times good and other times not so good. She is very charismatic and had a speaking part in our church’s Easter play this year for the first time ever! She loves reading, watching t.v. and movies, and talking on her “cell phone.” She takes every opportunity to tell her brothers what to do and loves thinking she is the boss. She also takes every opportunity to care for her brothers.
Caleb is my tender-hearted three year old little man. He’s definitely a lover and not a fighter. I think he’s got more of his mama in him than the other two. He’s very shy around people he’s not used to, but once you get to know him he’s hilarious! He also looks out for his brother and sister (he was going to hit a kid three times his size at the daycare the other day because that kid hit Abi). One of my favorite things that Caleb does is when I go to tuck him into bed he throws his arms around my neck and says, “Sleep with me!” He’s great!
Jaxon is my 15 month old, and he is a concoction of a little bit of Abi, a little bit of Caleb and a little bit of himself. He’s very charismatic and outgoing like Abi, but he’s also very tender-hearted like Caleb. He’s just now starting to walk, which is a lot of fun because he looks like Frankenstein when he’s walking. It’s hilarious!
Suzie: I wish I could have shared this with you when I sat at your side 10 years ago. Maybe someone is reading this today that feels like you did. You’ve walked in those shoes. What would you say to that person?
Darrin: There are a few things I would say. First, I would tell them that it’s going to get better. Maybe not immediately. (Within the first few months after I got out of the hospital from trying to commit suicide I had my car repossessed, backed into a family member’s car, and had another car’s engine blow up on me in the middle of a thunderstorm), but it will get better! Just remember, if I had known all that was going to happen to me I probably would have chosen differently.
Second, I would tell them to talk to someone they trust that is smarter than them and will help hold them accountable and give them godly counsel. If you’re going to talk to someone, make sure you tell them everything you’re feeling. People can’t help you if you if they don’t know what’s wrong. When I tried to commit suicide I had plenty of people who would have crawled through hell to help me but they didn’t know anything was wrong.
Lastly, I would tell them to make sure they are viewing things as they truly are. Ephesians 6:14 says, “Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist.” This literally means to have your emotions or your mind wrapped in the truth of God. When we start experiencing feelings of depression or hopelessness, we need to compare how we are feeling with what God’s word says.
Suzie: Perhaps a loved one or friend is reading this, and they don’t know how to help. What’s the worst thing someone could say to a person that is struggling?
Darrin: The worst thing you could say is nothing at all. Have you ever saw someone with something in their teeth, or even worse, something in their nose, and you were hesitant to say something to them? That’s what talking to someone about depression is like. It may be uncomfortable telling them that something is wrong, but if you’re their friend you’ll tell them before they make things worse.
Depression and suicide is one of those subjects that nobody likes to talk about. We may either see the signs or have a friend who says they are struggling with depression and our response is that it’s just a phase that they’re going through. It may be just a phase, but what if that person decides that this “phase” isn’t worth going through? When you’re going through a tough time it’s hard to see past the gigantic problem or problems that are staring you right in the face.
A friend that is willing to talk to someone can give some perspective on how things may not be as bad as we think they are.
Suzie: Let’s flip the coin. What is helpful?
Darrin: Knowing that there is someone that you can say absolutely anything to without fear of them judging you or telling your business to the whole world. It’s people like Sarah, Suzie and Richard that make going through a tough time bearable because you know that they will listen when you need somebody to listen and they will tell you the truth when you need to hear the truth (you may not want to hear it but they tell you anyway).
There is one other thing, and this one always throws people off. The best time to help other people is when you’re struggling yourself. Think of it this way, I can hate where I live or the car I drive. I can wish for more expensive clothes or better shoes, but if I get out and help someone who doesn’t have a house or lots of clothes, then that makes me appreciate the things I have even more.
No matter how bad things are for you, there’s somebody out there who is having a lot worse time than you are. That person needs your help! When you do that it takes your focus off of your feelings and lets you see things much more clearly.
Suzie: What’s ahead for you?
Darrin: Sarah and I are working towards getting our affairs in order so that we can move to the next phase in our life.
We are ready to be missionaries but there are a few things left for us to do here. In the mean time, I teach a connect
group at church about evangelism and missions, as well as directing a monthly outreach for our church. I love serving others! Evangelism and missions are my passions and I know I wouldn’t be happy doing anything else. I am already a certified minister and am now working on getting my license. I feel like the plans God has for our family are so big that to the natural eye they seem almost impossible, but I know what God has called us to do and He will take care of us.
Suzie: Thanks, Darrin, for your honesty and your heart to reach out to others.
Posted by Suzie @ 7:54 am | 22 Comments
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